Stupid Things I Have Done as a Kid

I was 15 at the time... It was High school. The teacher announced we had to do a project on a song we liked. At the time... I listened to System of a Down and Slipknot.... I raised my hand and said.. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it, I listen to some pretty heavy stuff" With what was probably a stupid f**king grin on my face. "Im sure it will be fine" said the teacher. I replied with "Ok, but I've warned you." Again with the stupid grin.. Then when it came time for the speech and we had to do the song I sat their witha smug grin looking around, I remember the look of disgust in my class mates eyes..
It might not seem completely horrible to you, but to me it makes me want to wrap my lips around a revolver..
Your turn.

oh no OP i totally understand. if i listened to that music i guarantee you i would have been a fa**ot like that, and also that i would share your sentiments today.
strangely i can't remember most of this stuff off the top of my head. it's like embarrassing moments of my past are the only things i'm capable of willfully forgetting

SoaD isn't bad, Slipknot is screamo whiny sh*t disguised as metal
But yeah you were a fa**ot

Highschool. Hot chubby girl from theatre class who seemed interested in me gave me a hug when I was feeling down.
I whispered "Touch me, beautiful," in her ear. Thought it'd be funny.
She said I was trying too hard. I then try to justify it by saying I hear her bro-dude-friend say sh*t like that to her all the time.
Wanna go back and punch myself in the face so goddamn hard.

I have a lot of these moments...
In middle school there was this snotty bitch named Amanda. Later in life she became a druggie which made her relaxed and easy going but at this point she was still an insufferable bitch. There was another guy named A.J. he was the class punching bag. At first I was nice to him because I felt he didn't deserve to be treated like sh*t, but after finding out he was even more of a dick than the people picking on him we were no longer friends.
I was sitting in the hallway for some reason with Amanda, A.J., and some others, A.J. was talking to me and I told him to leave me alone. Amanda said, "Wow A.J. not even anon likes you, that's pretty low." Everyone laughed.
I didn't say anything but I'd give anything to go back in time and say "I don't like you either you stupid bitch, what do you make of that?" I guess it's petty and unimportant but still..
I can think of many moments where I saw someone being picked on and did nothing. I would love to go back in time and change that.

I never regret any of the times I was a total creeper because of the music I liked.
But OP's story reminds me, in high school gym class, we got to bring in cds to listen to while we played. So one kid brought in SOAD, and I was like, "yeah, I love SOAD!" Once "pull the tapeworm out of your ass" comes up, the teacher comes over and says, "we should probably just listen to the radio."

I never regret any of the times I was a total creeper because of the music I liked.
But OP's story reminds me, in high school gym class, we got to bring in cds to listen to while we played. So one kid brought in SOAD, and I was like, "yeah, I love SOAD!" Once "pull the tapeworm out of your ass" comes up, the teacher comes over and says, "we should probably just listen to the radio."

LOL! Oh god..........

ITT: We describe how school went today

In 8th grade I walked straight into a pole while talking to a girl I liked. Also managed to stab myself in the shoulder with a mechanical pencil and get graphite stuck under my skin. Yeah I was pretty f**king awkward.

8th grade, I argued my with my grandma about Atheism. She was only 3 years away form passing. I dismantled (retardedly of course, I was 13) everything about Christianity.
So yeah, I basically told and elderly woman who was coping with the idea of her imminent death that heaven did not exist and everything she held dear was fallacious bullsh*t.
I would love to go back and curbstomp the disrespect out of my fa**ot of a past self.

I wish I didn't spend so much of my money buying Yugioh/Pokemon cards. Not only did it make me a huge dork in highschool, I had no money to go drinking with my buddies. Sh*t sucked.
Also, wasting my youth downloading and watching anime.

I also just recently found an old camcorder with a video of me skateboarding I had my mom film when I was 11. Just rolling off of curbs thinking I was hot sh*t.
On that same tape I had my mom film me in the back yard with a spear my dad brought back from kenya. Shirtless, play fighting against a bunch of ninjas. This tape was from when I was younger though, 8 or 9.

I can't pick out any specific cringe-worthy moments, but i was a general pu**y. I cried like a fa**ot in my last few years of elementary school, and in high school I became obsessed with Gran Turismo for some reason. I played a few sports (taekwondo, tennis, soccer) to keep myself from getting too fat but when it came to having an actual life I was and still am sh*t tier. :(

I wish I didn't spend so much of my money buying Yugioh/Pokemon cards. Not only did it make me a huge dork in highschool, I had no money to go drinking with my buddies. Sh*t sucked.
Also, wasting my youth downloading and watching anime.

wat
When I was wasting money on pokemon cards I was far too young to go out drinking. Jesus.

wat
When I was wasting money on pokemon cards I was far too young to go out drinking. Jesus.

Calm yourself, for you truly are in the presence of an Oldf**.

I had my first girlfriend in Grade 11, we went out for a month, and I never kissed her. Not even once. I just wanna go back and tell myself to man the f**k up...

i'm not posting ITT because i'm currently seeing a shrink to deal with these kinds of thoughts that constantly nag and plague me every waking moment of every f**king day
seriously anons, dwelling on moments like this and being constantly self-critical will f**k you up
stop now
close the thread

8th grade, I argued my with my grandma about Atheism. She was only 3 years away form passing. I dismantled (retardedly of course, I was 13) everything about Christianity.
So yeah, I basically told and elderly woman who was coping with the idea of her imminent death that heaven did not exist and everything she held dear was fallacious bullsh*t.
I would love to go back and curbstomp the disrespect out of my fa**ot of a past self.

u still athiest?

i'm not posting ITT because i'm currently seeing a shrink to deal with these kinds of thoughts that constantly nag and plague me every waking moment of every f**king day
seriously anons, dwelling on moments like this and being constantly self-critical will f**k you up
stop now
close the thread

>implying it's a conscious decision that all my awkward moments flood back into my mind as I try to fall asleep.

i'm not posting ITT because i'm currently seeing a shrink to deal with these kinds of thoughts that constantly nag and plague me every waking moment of every f**king day
seriously anons, dwelling on moments like this and being constantly self-critical will f**k you up
stop now
close the thread

I think there's a difference between remembering awkward moments and being self critical.
Also I'm not quite sure repressing everything is th way to go...

wat
When I was wasting money on pokemon cards I was far too young to go out drinking. Jesus.

"Going out drinking" at the time usually meant getting hammered at house parties. But I still had no money for bringing beer or bus tickets (no car obviously). Sh*t sucked.

In 10th grade I had an online girlfriend. Sh*t nearly took over my life. Friends almost never saw me, spent all my time on their computer whenever I did go over to their houses. Luckily it was only for one summer.

I was 12 or 13 at the time and I joined a fundie church-cult and became a religious nut.
It lasted about three years. My whole family was involved.I also got ridiculously fat during that time period and put on about 70lbs. I was a sight to behold, a fat girl wearing a "God's Army" T-shirt, blue-jeans and reading Christian anime.

u still athiest?

Agnostic, I believe the idea that the universe came about by some supreme creator is such an enigma it's almost not worth all the energy people put in debating about it. I think it's a reasonable assertion that there is some kind of God/creator out there. I'm about 50/50 on this.
But I do not believe in prophets, I don't believe god has spoken to anyone. I don't believe Jesus was his son. I don't believe God created morality, or gives a sh*t about petty mortal concerns (Adultry, stealing, gaysex) and I don't believe in eternal paradise, or suffering.
tl;dr my beliefs:
supreme creator? Yeahmaybe
Organized religion? lolnowai

Heres another one from OP.
At school we did a thing called Bike Ed. where we learnt road rules and stuff to do with riding bikes. Before that though we had to bring our bikes in for inspection to make sure they were safe, I was away sick on that day.
So I had to do it another day with two other people. I brought in a bmx bike because I was a complete bad ass. The thing was though I was pretty tall and kind of fat, so I probably looked like a clown riding a mini bike.
After the inspection we had to ride it around this concrete section. A couple of days before I had burnt myself on the part of your upper ass where the top of your pants clamp on to you and had a huge bandage on it. I was standing up on the pedels when riding and I kept pulling my pants up really high as I did it. I also stood up on the seat and the bar of the bike, showing off my mad trick skills.
Little did I know, my class had full view of all of this. When I got back to class everyone kept groaning and pulling their pants up really high and sni**ering at me. Someone also said something like "Nice tricks man" sarcastically. When I looked out the window and realized they had been watching me the whole time I just wanted shove my head in the mechanical pencil sharpener....
God f**king dammit
WHY!

I was 12 or 13 at the time and I joined a fundie church-cult and became a religious nut.
It lasted about three years. My whole family was involved.I also got ridiculously fat during that time period and put on about 70lbs. I was a sight to behold, a fat girl wearing a "God's Army" T-shirt, blue-jeans and reading Christian anime.

F**king lol
You thin now?

F**k I was an idiot
2nd grade: Ran around like a dinosaur to impress girls.
5th grade: Had crush on a stuck up chick in my class; Decided the best way to impress her was to follow her. Everywhere.
6th grade: Cried like a bitch when some chubby dick weed broke my new color change pencil. Yeah, it was a cool pencil, but what the f**k.
7th grade: Had a crush on ANOTHER stuck up bitch, though taking up snow boarding and announcing my love to her in front of my entire english class would win her over. It didn't.
8th & 9th grade: Thought Slipknot and other such sh*t music was hardcore. Also thought "LOL SO RANDUM" was funny so everyone else would think the same.
10th grade: Finally had a girlfriend, but followed her EVERYWHERE. Guess how that turned out.
Nothing really disrespectful, but if I wasn't such a little fa**ot imagine where I would be now...

Sometimes, at random points in the day, a humiliating memory will spring into consciousness and cause me physical disgust.
I guess that's only a sign that I'm a better person now.

F**king lol
You thin now?

Yeah, I lost it all and then some. I'm underweight now and agnostic. My family is still involved though, so it sucks. They aren't as radical as they used to be, but just about all of my cousins have disowned me for leaving.

In middle school I was a weeaboo loser who would read yaoi rape mangos in class. Well, I guess that was a necessary stage in my development as a sexual sadist... I have no regrets.

>implying Slipnot and System are "some pretty heavy stuff"

F**k I was an idiot
2nd grade: Ran around like a dinosaur to impress girls.
5th grade: Had crush on a stuck up chick in my class; Decided the best way to impress her was to follow her. Everywhere.
6th grade: Cried like a bitch when some chubby dick weed broke my new color change pencil. Yeah, it was a cool pencil, but what the f**k.
7th grade: Had a crush on ANOTHER stuck up bitch, though taking up snow boarding and announcing my love to her in front of my entire english class would win her over. It didn't.
8th & 9th grade: Thought Slipknot and other such sh*t music was hardcore. Also thought "LOL SO RANDUM" was funny so everyone else would think the same.
10th grade: Finally had a girlfriend, but followed her EVERYWHERE. Guess how that turned out.
Nothing really disrespectful, but if I wasn't such a little fa**ot imagine where I would be now...

This reminds me of a painful second grade memory. These dudes accused me of being a girl because I had long hair, so I whipped out my dick and started chasing them around the playground.

Carried a stuffed octopus around all of 8th and 9th grade.
Not...my best plan.

I went through an elitist, "my anime and manga is better than your pu**y sh*t" phase in highschool. I thought I was cool or something. I'd slap myself around a bit for that.
That, and my retarded yaoi phase. F**k, why did I even think that was interesting? Oh, I remember. Because I was too nerdy and lame to get a boyfriend.

I went through an elitist, "my anime and manga is better than your pu**y sh*t" phase in highschool. I thought I was cool or something. I'd slap myself around a bit for that.
That, and my retarded yaoi phase. F**k, why did I even think that was interesting? Oh, I remember. Because I was too nerdy and lame to get a boyfriend.

It's ok. I did that too. I also did a lot of things that probably came off as insanely creepy. I had a crush on an asian guy and I'd say stuff like "I only like asians" which, is pretty truthful considering my dating history, but I should have put down the yaoi manga as I was explaining myself.

There was a kid that sat with the same group of people at the lunch table that I did. I didn't really know him that well.
Well, one day he died in a car crash. Another kid that sat at the same lunch table as me told me he died. I didn't recognize his name as being that of the kid who sat at that table and said something kind of like "Oh well. People die. That is life. It doesn't really matter." Then I walked away.
I thinking I had been having some existential thoughts like that fairly recently before it happened.
I'm not sure how the guy who told me reacted, but I imagined that he was kind of shocked.
I eventually attended his funeral.
When I think about it I feel shocked at how seemingly uncaring I was, though I don't really feel like that at the time I'm writing this.

I went through an elitist, "my anime and manga is better than your pu**y sh*t" phase in highschool. I thought I was cool or something. I'd slap myself around a bit for that.
That, and my retarded yaoi phase. F**k, why did I even think that was interesting? Oh, I remember. Because I was too nerdy and lame to get a boyfriend.

Did you enjoy the idea of being a top, bottom, or neither while reading them?
If you enjoyed the idea of being a top, then it's because, possibly sub-conciously, you desire the perceived power of being a man.
If you enjoyed it because of the idea of being a bottom, it's because you thought the degree of your feminity was inadequate.

My best friend had a limp and I copied the way he walked because I thought it looked cool. Months of my mom asking me what was wrong with my leg.

Did you enjoy the idea of being a top, bottom, or neither while reading them?
If you enjoyed the idea of being a top, then it's because, possibly sub-conciously, you desire the perceived power of being a man.
If you enjoyed it because of the idea of being a bottom, it's because you thought the degree of your feminity was inadequate.

Huh. Never thought about that until now, and I liked the idea of being a bottom. It makes sense, I suppose. I wasn't very feminine or graceful in highschool, just tomboyish and obnoxious.

My adolescence, and subsequent "adulthood" is just a cesspool of stupid decisions and social awkwardness. (;-;) Now I just run to make sure I get some "out of my apartment/cave time..." At least I can kind of stay in shape.

F**k I was an idiot
2nd grade: Ran around like a dinosaur to impress girls.
5th grade: Had crush on a stuck up chick in my class; Decided the best way to impress her was to follow her. Everywhere.
6th grade: Cried like a bitch when some chubby dick weed broke my new color change pencil. Yeah, it was a cool pencil, but what the f**k.
7th grade: Had a crush on ANOTHER stuck up bitch, though taking up snow boarding and announcing my love to her in front of my entire english class would win her over. It didn't.
8th & 9th grade: Thought Slipknot and other such sh*t music was hardcore. Also thought "LOL SO RANDUM" was funny so everyone else would think the same.
10th grade: Finally had a girlfriend, but followed her EVERYWHERE. Guess how that turned out.
Nothing really disrespectful, but if I wasn't such a little fa**ot imagine where I would be now...

Dude, remember, in 2nd grade acting like a dinosaur was hard f**king core man.
I did that when I was 8, bitches be all over me until 6th grade. When the acne came.

I wish I didn't spend so much of my money buying Yugioh/Pokemon cards. Not only did it make me a huge dork in highschool, I had no money to go drinking with my buddies. Sh*t sucked.
Also, wasting my youth downloading and watching anime.

> yugioh/pokemon cards
> drinking
wtf? these two things should have had a good 8-10 years between them.

> yugioh/pokemon cards
> drinking
wtf? these two things should have had a good 8-10 years between them.

You guys all seem to be missing the fact that anon was apparently high school when Pokemon+YuGiOh rolled around (also goes a good way to explaining why he regrets it while most of us probably have no misgivings about our Pokemon years)

ITT: Moments from when you were younger that make you want to create a time machine just so you can punch yourself in the face for being such a retard...
I was 15 at the time... It was High school. The teacher announced we had to do a project on a song we liked. At the time... I listened to System of a Down and Slipknot.... I raised my hand and said.. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it, I listen to some pretty heavy stuff" With what was probably a stupid f**king grin on my face. "Im sure it will be fine" said the teacher. I replied with "Ok, but I've warned you." Again with the stupid grin.. Then when it came time for the speech and we had to do the song I sat their witha smug grin looking around, I remember the look of disgust in my class mates eyes..
It might not seem completely horrible to you, but to me it makes me want to wrap my lips around a revolver..
Your turn anons.

I have no real regrets except not going after a girl that i was in love with...first time in love in highs school and i didnt make a move...for f**ks sake i wasnt even a virgin and i'd had my fare share with girls..i was just confused...also the fact that she was 2 1/2 years younger than me...lol
I even dropped out of high school. I don't think I'll ever regret that, ever.

Ahhh thought of one you may like to hear.
In 8th grade, I ended up 'dating' one of the hottest, most popular girls in the school. Don't ask how. Typical shy recluse here. Anyway, the night after we started 'dating,' I called her phone literally 64 times. No answer (she was shopping). I guess I thought I'd be a good boyfriend and call her. Can't imagine what she though when she saw 64 missed calls. The relationship ended two days later.

When I was 19 and doing lots of LSD, I had a summer job as a data-entry clerk. We could play music quietly.
Most of my coworkers were black people. They were pretty chill, and we got high together in lunch breaks.
I once brought in Aphex Twin's Selected Ambient Works Vol. 2. It's a pretty f**king solid ambient album. Ambient is my favorite genre. Anyway, it didn't go over well. One of my black bros was like "TURN THAT F**KIN SH*T OFF, NIGGA." I felt ashamed.
I wish I never played that.

i shud of told chrstina evans i liked her so when she was 12 she didnt haven to worry bout bein lockd in a cage n beaten rly hard

When I was 19 and doing lots of LSD, I had a summer job as a data-entry clerk. We could play music quietly.
Most of my coworkers were black people. They were pretty chill, and we got high together in lunch breaks.
I once brought in Aphex Twin's Selected Ambient Works Vol. 2. It's a pretty f**king solid ambient album. Ambient is my favorite genre. Anyway, it didn't go over well. One of my black bros was like "TURN THAT F**KIN SH*T OFF, NIGGA." I felt ashamed.
I wish I never played that.

I only play Bob Marley because of this. He's loved by some, but tolerated by all. No other artist can really be that.

Hugging a girl with a boner.
Someone tell me I'm not alone.

In middle school, my first girlfriend treated me like sh*t. I put up with it because I didn't know any better. We reconciled 10 years later.
I got another middle school girlfriend, but I was too clingy. I regret that. She was cool. We later reconciled 8 years later.
I wish I f**ked that filthy otaku slut in high school. Sure, I was embarassed to be seen with her, and my friends would've thought I was filthy, but she wanted me so bad. I would've lost my virginity YEARS earlier and gotten some self-confidence.
I wished I never got addicted to drugs, and I wish I didn't reveal to my friends when I was 19 that I was a poly-drug user. I've quit and been sober for YEARS, but I lost *all* my high school friends. They stopped returning my calls because I was "an addict loser." True, they are judgmental sons of bitches, but I actually liked them. The ironic part is that I've been to a better grad school and earn more money than 99% of them, but they still won't hang out with me because I used to be an addict.
I wish I treated that cute chubby girl better. She didn't deserve me breaking her heart out of the blue just because I wanted some sex.

The day my grandfather died, my mother came in and woke me up in tears. She told me he had passed away the very same morning and asked if I wanted to come to the hospital. I'd never had to deal with the death of anyone before (I was 11) so I really had no idea how to react...so I said "Yeah, I want to see a dead body!"
She said "don't talk about my daddy that way" through tears.
I have never forgotten this. I love my mother more than anything and I wish this had never happened. I'm sure she's forgotten or if she hasn't she understands I was only young...but f**k, I feel awful. This is the first time I've ever told anyone.

There was a kid that sat with the same group of people at the lunch table that I did. I didn't really know him that well.
Well, one day he died in a car crash. Another kid that sat at the same lunch table as me told me he died. I didn't recognize his name as being that of the kid who sat at that table and said something kind of like "Oh well. People die. That is life. It doesn't really matter." Then I walked away.
I thinking I had been having some existential thoughts like that fairly recently before it happened.
I'm not sure how the guy who told me reacted, but I imagined that he was kind of shocked.
I eventually attended his funeral.
When I think about it I feel shocked at how seemingly uncaring I was, though I don't really feel like that at the time I'm writing this.

Same thing happend to my best friend from middle school after we graduated High School. I missed his funeral to go f**king surfing cause I had work all month and could go b4. I dont really regret it, most people that went were probably kids from my school who didnt even now him that well or anything. I was there with him when he was alive and thats all that matters.

Hugging a girl with a boner.
Someone tell me I'm not alone.

I asked out a chubby girl to my 9th grade homecoming. She was so cute and had a crush on me.
During the dance, I had a raging boner the whole time. I couldn't help it. I was such a nerd.
At the end, I asked her out on another date.
She said no.

I had my first girlfriend in Grade 11, we went out for a month, and I never kissed her. Not even once. I just wanna go back and tell myself to man the f**k up...

same for me, except we only went out for a week. i wish i could've just manned up and kissed her of something damn it. She said she wanted to break up because she felt like we were "just friends." F**K ME

Hugging a girl with a boner.
Someone tell me I'm not alone.

yeah my high school is full of traps

Wow, I have a trillion of these, but I cant remember any.

I was walking into class and I thought it'd be cool to jump over a desk to get to my seat. My foot caught on the metal bar and I slammed hard into the ground, and was knocked out for 30 seconds. When I came to the entire class was silent and staring at me.
In 7th grade the room was dead quiet and I was kinda spaced out so I didn't even realize that I let out a giant noisy fart. Everyone knew it was me and started making fun of me. I felt so, so bad.
In 4th grade I was in a rush to get a book at the library so I kinda ran towards the back in a sprint. I saw a footstool and thought I could jump over it. My foot got caught and I fell, hard. Everyone saw.

in grade 6, i flipped out and beat up my best friend (at the time) because of some stupid business with groups for an assignment. i have no idea what came over me and i didn't REALLY beat him up, but i threw him to the ground and immediately regretted it. i felt horrible just because he was my buddy and this wasn't the first time i fought someone at school. i got suspended and grounded and had to take anger management classes, but i didn't really care about that. i just look back on how emotional and awkward i was back then and wonder how i grew up to be a normally functioning person.
in grade 7 i was an elitist anime kid who listened to nothing but classic rock/metal, video game music and anime soundtracks. it was because my fatass friend that i took the bus with was like that and he kind of converted me. i regret the hell out of that phase in my life too, i was such a weiner.
grade 10 i started at a new high school where i didn't know anyone and, smart cool guy that i am, i came to school with an emo-kid haircut and wardrobe. ughhhhh it took a solid year and a half to get over that. though, a year of that was spent with the whole emo kid ensemble.

I wish I wasn't so clingy with my first girlfriend. Before we were dating, I was all cool and relaxed with her like I never was. we would play around in the park, and i would rest her head in my lap, and she would sing me love songs. I actually asked her out, after one of these episodes... my head was in her lap, she sang the most soft and beautiful love song ever in my ear. i finally manned up and asked her out. she said yes. then i became clingy and she broke up with me a week later. f**k it hurt so much man. it was so innocent. so great. and ill never feel it like that again... f**k...

When I was in grade 11, I made friends with a kid in my math class who hung out with the popular kids. One day after school he asked me if I wanted to go to his house to hang out with some of his friends, and I said yes. So we got a drive to his house by one of his friends, and when we got there one of his friends pulls out a marijuana joint and asks us if we wanted to smoke it. Everyone else though it was a good idea, and although I would never normally take drugs I just wanted to look cool to my new friends, so I smoked the marijuana joint with them. It felt weird and for awhile we just sat around watching tv, until one of the kids who was friends with my friend had to leave. He was the one with the car so he drove, while being high, and on his way home he got in a car accident and died. When we heard about the accident we all walked to where it was happened because we didnt know if he was alright or not, and when we got there we were still high from the pot and the police told us that our friend was in the hospital and seriously hurt. It would have never happened if we didnt smoke the marijuana.

I want to go back to when I first moved to the United States (10 years ago now), and violently shake my past self while screaming at him to keep the Trinidadian accent. Fuuuuuck man, I could have had mad bitches.
Apparently the women here on my campus loves it when I get mad, since my accent completely changes from an imitation American to my full blow original.

I know it might sound a bit stupid, but I wish I wouldn't have jumped right into college with no real goals and having no idea what the f**k I wanted to do. I got into a technical institute in the city. I thought "Well, I like computers so I'll try computer programming."
Absolutely hated it, couldn't relate to anyone in my class, didn't make friends, stayed in my room all the time, got depressed and eventually dropped out.
This also makes me want to go back and beat the sh*t out of myself for not giving a sh*t in high school until I was a senior, and actually plan for the future.

I had to do something similar to OP, which was present a song to the class. I chose The Sound of Animals Fighting, for some stupid retarded reason. Everyone f**king hated it, and what was worse was that the song was 8 minutes long. Everyone was so pissed.
Once I was talking to a substitute teacher in class, having an awesome discussion about debate or something. I shift in my chair a little bit and out comes a long, noisy queef. Conversation ended abruptly and awkwardly.
Sitting at lunch with my friend and I smelled something, so I said really loudly "Smells like cheap nasty perfume!" I looked over and my friend was putting on perfume. Keep in mind that she is very poor. Felt bad man.

Fapping after having an everyday cold sore on my lips. I gave myself the gift that keeps on giving, and didn't even have the chance to say I got it in the midst of hot, sweaty sex.
Granted, I didn't know otherwise I wouldn't have done something so blindly idiotic, but still...

Middle school.
There was this new kid, some pretentious prick that wore flashy clothes. I was trying to befriend him so I made notice of his Death Cab for Cutie shirt, saying "Oh, DCFC? I have the same shirt!". The next day he grills me on what songs I know, at that moment I froze because I just listened to singles off of limewire and couldn't remember the names. Then he says "poser", which is quite brutal for anyone trying to fit in.
Not entirely my fault, kid was a bit of a douchebag. But still, I tried too hard.
He now wears American Apparel and listens to screamo/deathcore garbage.
I have a much more respectable taste, listening to jazz, noise, drone, and such.

in grade 6, i flipped out and beat up my best friend (at the time) because of some stupid business with groups for an assignment. i have no idea what came over me and i didn't REALLY beat him up, but i threw him to the ground and immediately regretted it. i felt horrible just because he was my buddy and this wasn't the first time i fought someone at school. i got suspended and grounded and had to take anger management classes, but i didn't really care about that. i just look back on how emotional and awkward i was back then and wonder how i grew up to be a normally functioning person.
in grade 7 i was an elitist anime kid who listened to nothing but classic rock/metal, video game music and anime soundtracks. it was because my fatass friend that i took the bus with was like that and he kind of converted me. i regret the hell out of that phase in my life too, i was such a weiner.
grade 10 i started at a new high school where i didn't know anyone and, smart cool guy that i am, i came to school with an emo-kid haircut and wardrobe. ughhhhh it took a solid year and a half to get over that. though, a year of that was spent with the whole emo kid ensemble.

here's another one. i don't really regret it because it was really funny and this was well past my socially awkward phase, but it's worth telling.
this one time i was walking around the side of my high school to get to class, must have been in grade 11. there's a small alley between the wall of the school and the fence, and this girl who never really talked to anyone was a little ways in front of me. to this day i don't think i've ever had a conversation with her, other than to congratulate her on her contributions to the school newspaper. anyway, i had a fart coming. i figured it would slip out silently, but boy howdy was i ever wrong. there's no way she didn't hear it. it's just so much worse based on the fact that it's the introverted girl that never talks to anyone.

In no order:
I wish i didn't give her that letter
I wish I knew about him sooner
I wish I didn't kiss him
I wish I didn't ask him that one f**king question
I wish I didn't go to homecoming
I wish I kissed her
I wish he still loved me
I wish she still loved me
I wish I never got into those car accidents
I wish I never had a computer when I was 12
I wish I did band camp sooner
I wish I didn't apply to that one school
I wish I didn't slack off

Bit my best friend in second grade. Whoops.

Holy sh*t that has to be the most depressing thing I ever read.

Yeah...it's alright. He was one of the greatest, most loving people I've ever known. And she knows how much he meant to me. It was one of those things you say as a kid that you can't possibly figure out why you said it...especially just coming out of a deep sleep.

I wish I hadn't laughed in class during 9/11

I had to do something similar to OP, which was present a song to the class. I chose The Sound of Animals Fighting, for some stupid retarded reason. Everyone f**king hated it, and what was worse was that the song was 8 minutes long. Everyone was so pissed.
Once I was talking to a substitute teacher in class, having an awesome discussion about debate or something. I shift in my chair a little bit and out comes a long, noisy queef. Conversation ended abruptly and awkwardly.
Sitting at lunch with my friend and I smelled something, so I said really loudly "Smells like cheap nasty perfume!" I looked over and my friend was putting on perfume. Keep in mind that she is very poor. Felt bad man.

In the first situation, you experienced what we /mu/tants like to call a "hipster victory." It is nothing to be ashamed of, and, in fact, you should be proud of yourself.

>The Sound of Animals Fighting
HOLY SH*T!! I remember that band!
I used to listen to them when I was in my depressive, poly-drug using phase where I was dropping acid 3-4 times a week.
You just got my nostalgia going HARD. Downloading now.
I love you, anonymous.

There was this girl in 7th grade I went out with. She broke up with me and wanted to get back together but i thought I was a hard ass and didn't. It's years later and I'm still f**king in love with her

The only experience that comes to mind was last year. I got pretty high before my year 12 biology trial exam. I had smoked about 5 cones and ended up arriving 15 minutes late. When I opened the door it was completely quiet and since I was stoned a huge grin formed on my face and I couldnt keep it away. Everyone had looked up and I must have looked like I thought I was cool and rebellious for arriving late.
It's not much, but still, meh.

Whenever I start thinking about something I did that was stupid or embarrassing I make a weird face. Dunno why.
In high school I had just started learning to deal with guys. A couple of friends were trying to hook me up with this really good looking guy who was actually interested in me. I didn't know how to handle the situation and every time he came around I'd run to the bathroom and hide until my friends came in and physically dragged me out while I begged them not to.

In 6th grade I had a 'boyfriend' (you know, the one where you never, ever talk, but you go to dances together and people say that youre 'dating'). At the Valentine's Day dance, we tried to slow dance. I put my arms around his waist and he put his arms around my neck, and then when he tried to kiss me his braces got stuck in my lip. Awful, awful moment.
In 9th grade I kind of had a 'F**k this, dont care' year. Id wear pajamas to school, not wear bras (I was pretty developed for a short, thin 9th grade girl, 36 C cup size), yada yada. Guys would randomly stick their hands down my shirt and grope me, and I wouldnt do anything, just laugh, eventually getting me the school slut reputation. In reality I was a prude, but f**k I wish Id at least have said something and not have laughed.
Also in 9th grade I had a real boyfriend who was 17. I only let him kiss me 3 times within 4 months cause I was still a big prude ;_;
F**king hell I was a stupid kid.

When I was seven, I was in the park and shoved my head in between some closed gates. It took my grandmother like 10 minutes to notice me since she was far away.
I took the don't disrespect girls rule too far and never said anything to the raging c**ts in my school when I was in 5th grade.
I didn't knock the sh*t out of that fa**ot teacher for being a slick ass in 7th grade. It was lunch and I forgot my bookbag in class so I went to get it since the dean told me to. This f**king fa**ot kept stepping in front of me and smiling like a bitch and let me go right after another teacher came in. After I left with my book bag he said "Ooh scary." So I jolted up to him and was about to knock this f**king bitch silly until I thought for a second. I should have though since I still got suspended.
:[

I wish I had spent more time with my father, instead of arguing with him, disrespecting him, and making him do things just for me.
He's been the best father in the world to me, but I haven't always been the best son.

Up until high school I would cry at everything. Literally, every single thing that happened, I would cry. Like in 1st grade, I went to go return some library books. They were in my hand and werent overdue or anything. But when they asked 'Do you have your books?' I started to wail. I have no f**king clue why.
In 11th grade I was 'emo'. Cut myself (with, like, a silverware knife, if I remember correctly), wrote sh*tty poetry, listened to Hawthorne Heights. I tried getting bangs, but my hair is enormous, and it just looked like a growth. Bad, bad.

Yeah...it's alright. He was one of the greatest, most loving people I've ever known. And she knows how much he meant to me. It was one of those things you say as a kid that you can't possibly figure out why you said it...especially just coming out of a deep sleep.

It happens, bro.
We all say sh*t we don't mean. I'm sure your mom was momentarily shocked, but I'm sure it was obvious that it was a thoughtless comment that came out really bad.
In college, a house I was living in was having a party. There was an almost-deaf undergrad there. She was so cute.
She was a nerdy virgin. Pretty attractive, too. She hit on me during the party, but I was way too much of a wreck to respond (I was secretly fighting an auto-immune disease, and I was also secretly fighting a nasty benzo addiction).
Anyway, I'm too out-of-it to go with her adviceances. Later, she hooks up with the house a**hole. We all heard him f**king her REALLY loudly. At that point, I had been smoking tons of weed and doing boatloads of ketamine.
My housemate friend comes and looks heartbroken. He says, "So she really hooked up with him, huh?" I said, "Yeah. Why, did you like her?" He said, "Yes. And you know, she's a virgin. A drunken party hook-up from that a**hole... that's not the way to lose your virginity. I really liked her." For some reason, I said to him, "Damn. Yeah. I hope it's not hurting her. Sounds like he's really pounding her."
I was tripping SO hard when I said it. But that really hurt him. He was such a nice guy and would be perfect for her. I never apologized. I'm so sorry, man.

Not going to lie.
>She said "don't talk about my daddy that way" through tears.
Your mom's voice sounds extremely arousing saying that as I picture it.

I laughed more than I should have at this.

so was 6 with an abusive dad. him and my mom were fighting, so me and mom went to the neighbors house. well, they had a daughtr my age, im a dude, and i was supposed to be sleeping in the bed next to her, but of course i went and got in hers. so i get up next to her, and out of curiosity, start licking her pu**y. at the time i was six and had no clue that that was what i was doing. so im licking her out, with a huge boner, and her mom came in. nuff said

It happens, bro.
We all say sh*t we don't mean. I'm sure your mom was momentarily shocked, but I'm sure it was obvious that it was a thoughtless comment that came out really bad.
In college, a house I was living in was having a party. There was an almost-deaf undergrad there. She was so cute.
She was a nerdy virgin. Pretty attractive, too. She hit on me during the party, but I was way too much of a wreck to respond (I was secretly fighting an auto-immune disease, and I was also secretly fighting a nasty benzo addiction).
Anyway, I'm too out-of-it to go with her adviceances. Later, she hooks up with the house a**hole. We all heard him f**king her REALLY loudly. At that point, I had been smoking tons of weed and doing boatloads of ketamine.
My housemate friend comes and looks heartbroken. He says, "So she really hooked up with him, huh?" I said, "Yeah. Why, did you like her?" He said, "Yes. And you know, she's a virgin. A drunken party hook-up from that a**hole... that's not the way to lose your virginity. I really liked her." For some reason, I said to him, "Damn. Yeah. I hope it's not hurting her. Sounds like he's really pounding her."
I was tripping SO hard when I said it. But that really hurt him. He was such a nice guy and would be perfect for her. I never apologized. I'm so sorry, man.

Thanks for the kind words, man. That's haunted me for a few years now, I'm glad to finally hear someone else say it was just a silly mistake besides myself.

11th grade, thai exchange student sat at my table in my civics class. one time when we had to have our books, she didn't have one and had to go to the library. she asked me where it was, and i just pointed over to the building and told her. she stood there for a bit unsure of herself, but i just turned away. deserved a good punch that time.
also more times in that same class with her, f**k i was a moron.

I wrote a lot of angsty middle school poetry.
A sampling:
you wonder why
i laugh when you say
"i understand"
there are reasons for my
insanity
you see
there are certain things only i can know
respect my privacy
don't tell me you know how
i feel anymore
it's those oblivious lies
that make me rip
you have no idea
and you don't know it
THAT'S DEEP MAN.
...And as a twelve-year-old I though Avril Lavigne was f**king badass.

I'd punch myself in the face for listening to ICP. F**k I was such a fa**ot f**k.

We had this kid who was with us for a year in 8th grade, I think his name was Jordan. he was a big kid and REALLY sweaty. As in, he could sit down and not exert himself at all and sweat like a maniac. He also had a terrible speech impediment and walked weird, pigeon toed and what not. I never talked to him, I dont think anyone ever really did, and he wasnt a jerk, just weird and slightly repulsive.
During 8th grade my sense of humor was basically doing imitations, which looking back were incredibly cruel, but made everyone laugh, hard.
So in theatre class, we had this assignment in which we had to imitate other peoples' in the class's walks. Of course I was assigned Jordan, which meant Id have to imitate his ridiculously bizarre, uncomfortable walk, which there was no way going to come out looking nice.
Basically I took it to the extreme on the day we had to perform the imitations of the walks. I made his legs move at a more bizarre angle, added an arm flop, used some retard noises, crossed my eyes, blah blah, all of that to get a laugh.
No one laughed and Jordan was crying.
I never even apologized. I was the biggest bitch, ever.

All I'm going to say is, one day I went to school with sh*t on the outside of the ass of my pants..... people found out after I got up from my desk to use the bathroom during class.... ah jeez

I did something similiar OP. When I was 11-12 I LOVED System of a Down and made sure everyone knew about them. The same year I also came dressed as Marilyn Manson to school for a dress-up day they were having.
NEVER AGAIN.

Our school was having some kind of contest for the clubs to create a display promoting their cause. Only 2 enter and my club's wins. Looking at the other sign I mention how sh*tty it is and they "can't even get the letters straight." Everyone is quiet until the teacher tells me its the special ed group's poster. Feel like a total c**t for rest of year.

I've supressed those sorts of memories. Sometimes they come to my mind and I'll jerk my hand and face in a bizarre way that makes people look at me weird which starts a bad cycle that goes on for at least an hour - me being embarassed for people seeing the jerk, which makes me jerk, and all of this stress makes more awkward moments come to mind, causing more jerks, etc.
I'm having fun lol'ing at all of you though.

We had this kid who was with us for a year in 8th grade, I think his name was Jordan. he was a big kid and REALLY sweaty. As in, he could sit down and not exert himself at all and sweat like a maniac. He also had a terrible speech impediment and walked weird, pigeon toed and what not. I never talked to him, I dont think anyone ever really did, and he wasnt a jerk, just weird and slightly repulsive.
During 8th grade my sense of humor was basically doing imitations, which looking back were incredibly cruel, but made everyone laugh, hard.
So in theatre class, we had this assignment in which we had to imitate other peoples' in the class's walks. Of course I was assigned Jordan, which meant Id have to imitate his ridiculously bizarre, uncomfortable walk, which there was no way going to come out looking nice.
Basically I took it to the extreme on the day we had to perform the imitations of the walks. I made his legs move at a more bizarre angle, added an arm flop, used some retard noises, crossed my eyes, blah blah, all of that to get a laugh.
No one laughed and Jordan was crying.
I never even apologized. I was the biggest bitch, ever.

Holy sh*t that's terrible. Did people remember and/or hold it against you?

It's sixth grade again, and the time of the Halloween dance. Me, the quiet, distanced kid, was about to get done a favor by some of the more popular bros around the school.
These young men, whom had seemed concerned about my lack of female interaction, hooked me up with a 7th grader (Despite me politely asking to be left alone), a basketball player, quite a looker at that time now that I reflect upon it. It seemed she had a crush on me or something like that.
So, we're doing the slow dance thing after I had been consoled into it by the guys, when the girl pulls herself close to me. She had even put her head on my shoulder.
I get a boner, freak out, cut the dance and proceed to dash to the restrooms for recuperation. Upon my return, the same girl insisted upon dancing with me again, but me, being afraid of the boner rearing its head, declined and resisted every attempt that was made to drag me to the dance floor.
I look back on it occasionally and hang my head in shame.

Hugging a girl with a boner.
Someone tell me I'm not alone.

Protip: if she had a boner she wasn't a real girl.

I read one time you could see if you have bad breath by licking your hand and smelling it after it dries in a few seconds. Seems reasonable, doesnt it. It does work.
So I'm sitting in math class and I think I have bad breath so I try it. Several other 10 graders saw me do it and, you probably guessed it, assumed I was licking my own snot.
Not a good year for me.

When I was seven, I was in the park and shoved my head in between some closed gates. It took my grandmother like 10 minutes to notice me since she was far away.
I took the don't disrespect girls rule too far and never said anything to the raging c**ts in my school when I was in 5th grade.
I didn't knock the sh*t out of that fa**ot teacher for being a slick ass in 7th grade. It was lunch and I forgot my bookbag in class so I went to get it since the dean told me to. This f**king fa**ot kept stepping in front of me and smiling like a bitch and let me go right after another teacher came in. After I left with my book bag he said "Ooh scary." So I jolted up to him and was about to knock this f**king bitch silly until I thought for a second. I should have though since I still got suspended.
:[

That teacher sounds awesome. I hope to someday be that man.

Girl starts msn convo with me
Sign off right away
Friend adds the girl I like to a convo, I sign off right away. She f**king liked me. F**K

Hugging a girl with a boner.
Someone tell me I'm not alone.

hugged my little sister with a boner. beat that.

HE GAVE HIMSELF HERPES WHICH MAY OR MAY NOT ACTUALLY BE POSSIBLE

This DOES happen, happened to a good friend of mine.
Oral herpes from living with her mom, then genital herpes from herself.
It's honestly sad how sh*t happens to people.

You'd use a god damn time machine to go back and punch yourself in the f**king face? Seriously?
F**k changing history, seeing the dinosaurs, checking out Jesus, or making lots of money, you'd punch YOURSELF in the face?

this time i f**ked a pretty girl who liked me's roommate
she was fat
I was a virgin
but getting my penr touched was nice

When I was 17, I constantly used to hold my girlfriend's hand or hold my arm around her.
Side effects from being a social retard and stranger to physical intimacy prior to that.

When I was 17, I constantly used to hold my girlfriend's hand or hold my arm around her.
Side effects from being a social retard and stranger to physical intimacy prior to that.

But... Your girlfriend probably liked it?

But... Your girlfriend probably liked it?

She didn't. After a while, our relationship boiled down to sloppy makeouts due to lack of conversation topics.

continuing on the first girlfriend experiences:
Summer after 8th grade a dated this girl that went to a different school. She was clingy yeah but i felt awesome.
But i was way to wanting of sex so it ended.
Looking back i was really a dumb sh*t, just a bunch of sh*t that will randomly pop into my mind. it isn't till about April of last year i started to become not so socially awkward and not having all that embarrassing regret sh*t.
No, now i have "OH F**K, why DIDN'T i do that?"

One time in 3rd grade we were in a reading circle and I farted. LOUDLY. I blamed it on the kid next to me, Emanuel. No one liked him anyway so they all believed me and started calling him "fartmanuel" and made fun of him every day. He knew it was me and just stayed away from me the rest of the year. Feels bad man.
When I was little my mom walked in the room while my friend had his hands in my pants, we were both about 6 or 7.
I sh*t my pants in 2nd grade. I was in the cafeteria and I had to fart so f**king bad, so I just let one rip. No one heard it but a ton of poop came out and I was like, oh...sh*t. I went to the bathroom and sat there until my teacher came looking for me. I went with her back to class and sat there for 20 minutes until it started to smell, so I got up and told her what happened. She told me I was irresponsible for sh*tting my pants, that I need to have more control. I was like, da f**k bitch? I'm in 2nd f**king grade.
But yeah, think everyone knew about that :/

Just my thread!
In 5th grade I was a total freak. I called my gym teacher a crackhead, yelled at the principal, one my teacher told me that me and a few other kids make her cry when she goes home because we're bastards.
6-8th I was a little sh*tter. At the end of 8th we returned from a field trip and a girl sprayed perfume on me. I responded with throwing soda on her I got from a vending machine. Next thing, ni**er attacking me gets me in the nose, I have them call cops, cops do sh*t, as this family always is doing sh*t the cops won't prosecute. cont.

Maybe like 7th-10th I was a major follower of rense.com and even now I still believe certain conspiracy stuff like Jews/government did WTC.
In high school I was a total a**hole to people. I have major ADHD and social issues, so I would say so much sh*t to people. Once I scream RETARD at a perfectly intelligent girl because she didn't get something in a class. Another time I called a girl a slut in a silent room, she was just more of a bitch really. Another time I slapped a girl's ass that I had a crush on, 99% sure she never found out it was me. 11th/12th I saw someone vandalize wikipedia with something stupid, so I enter on a game article "this should be done with naked children"
Same girl earlier, I was given her livejournal, like a week later, she gets sh*tty posts on some of her stuff, and stops posting. Feels bad man.

There was also the time or times I tried sexually assaulting the cat. Probably why he doesn't like me.

i dont have any moments like this because i have always been a calm and collected motherf**ker. i guess that's why im a secret agent.

A girl once muttered the phrase to me in a serious tone: "I want to suck your dick."
- Silly frigid me refused due to lack of confidence, I was totally into her
17, virgin, more friends online than IRL, socially awkward WoW-player here.
worst. response. ever.

I'm at a party three years ago; first real party I've ever been to. We play ten fingers. I admit I've never kissed a girl, had sex, whatever. Some really hot girl admits to being a virgin, too. Later we play truth or dare. Friend dares hot girl to make out with me. She's all nice (I'm the small innocent guy; she's taller than me, I believe) and asks if it's okay. I say, "Umm, I'm not sure I want to have my first kiss like this." Friend then tells her to give me a lap dance. I'm okay with this. She starts grinding on me, but she's nervous and slowing it down. Eventually people stop watching and she stops. She then asks me, "Did you enjoy it?" I kind of didn't, so I just say, "Well, I can't say that I didn't," with a smile. She's bothered by this. So she says, "How about I take you into the other room and give you a real lap dance?" Holy sh*t holy sh*t hol - "Nah, he has too much respect for women, don't you anon?" my friend says.
"Yeah, he's right, thanks... though."
Ugh, I should not have listened to my friend. I did get her to show her tits to my friends and I later. Nice, big tits, but it was dark and I only remember the outside.

One time I was trying to look cool in front of this girl so I said in a very loud, obviously trying to make people hear way, "Yes, _______, elephants do really have the largest penises." ..or some animal

I'm at a party three years ago; first real party I've ever been to. We play ten fingers. I admit I've never kissed a girl, had sex, whatever. Some really hot girl admits to being a virgin, too. Later we play truth or dare. Friend dares hot girl to make out with me. She's all nice (I'm the small innocent guy; she's taller than me, I believe) and asks if it's okay. I say, "Umm, I'm not sure I want to have my first kiss like this." Friend then tells her to give me a lap dance. I'm okay with this. She starts grinding on me, but she's nervous and slowing it down. Eventually people stop watching and she stops. She then asks me, "Did you enjoy it?" I kind of didn't, so I just say, "Well, I can't say that I didn't," with a smile. She's bothered by this. So she says, "How about I take you into the other room and give you a real lap dance?" Holy sh*t holy sh*t hol - "Nah, he has too much respect for women, don't you anon?" my friend says.
"Yeah, he's right, thanks... though."
Ugh, I should not have listened to my friend. I did get her to show her tits to my friends and I later. Nice, big tits, but it was dark and I only remember the outside.

That's good. Why would you want to lose your virginity and kiss someone like that anyway?

Way too many of these moments to count. So much that I've forgotten most of them. lol

ITT: Moments from when you were younger that make you want to create a time machine just so you can punch yourself in the face for being such a retard...
I was 15 at the time... It was High school. The teacher announced we had to do a project on a song we liked. At the time... I listened to System of a Down and Slipknot.... I raised my hand and said.. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it, I listen to some pretty heavy stuff" With what was probably a stupid f**king grin on my face. "Im sure it will be fine" said the teacher. I replied with "Ok, but I've warned you." Again with the stupid grin.. Then when it came time for the speech and we had to do the song I sat their witha smug grin looking around, I remember the look of disgust in my class mates eyes..
It might not seem completely horrible to you, but to me it makes me want to wrap my lips around a revolver..
Your turn anons.

I'd definitely just punch myself in the face for every interaction I had with the opposite sex from age 10-16.
I can remember tons of times girls that were interested in me would come onto me, or hint or suggest that we should hang out more often and I always managed to inadviceertently dodge/ignore it regardless of HOW BAD i wanted a girlfriend back then.

That's good. Why would you want to lose your virginity and kiss someone like that anyway?

I am still a kissless virgin at the age of 21. That was the best shot I had with an attractive girl (and she was a very attractive girl, at that; easily a 9; goddammit, the internet has made me believe that only 4's or 5's are interested in me, a 9 wanted to give me a private lap dance!! might not have led to sex, but jeeze, I would have at least seen some nice sights!! ugh...)

Ages 6-19 at school I'm a popular fa**ot who every girl wants. I'm too much of a pu**y to take adviceantage of this and now I'm a 22 year old unemployed virgin.

i read a couple of posts and most of them are sh*t that either they did in highschool or middle school, i did hell of alot of akward stuff in high school and even worse in college. im in grad school and i felt that i finally stop being akward but i just have one story
like 3 months ago this girl i was dating, introduce me to one of her friends. i currently live in the US but im a foreigner, so we usually greet women kissing their cheeks, so i approach here without thinking too much of what i was doing, then it just hit me and i have my mouth 4 cms from her cheek, i step back and excuse me saying that im still used to my native country ways, there was more people watching this. needless to say, it was f**king akward

Ages 6-19 at school I'm a popular fa**ot who every girl wants. I'm too much of a pu**y to take adviceantage of this and now I'm a 22 year old unemployed virgin.

this happen to me except the range was 8-15

i read a couple of posts and most of them are sh*t that either they did in highschool or middle school, i did hell of alot of akward stuff in high school and even worse in college. im in grad school and i felt that i finally stop being akward but i just have one story
like 3 months ago this girl i was dating, introduce me to one of her friends. i currently live in the US but im a foreigner, so we usually greet women kissing their cheeks, so i approach here without thinking too much of what i was doing, then it just hit me and i have my mouth 4 cms from her cheek, i step back and excuse me saying that im still used to my native country ways, there was more people watching this. needless to say, it was f**king akward

where are you from? I did the same exact thing before, except the girl thought it was cute and it turned into a makeout. :P

My first year of college, I was walking from my car towards my dorm, and from the other side of the lot comes these three guys. And I look at them. Not in a creepy way or a perverse way I was just... f**king looking at them. We were, like, thirty feet away. The lead one says, "F**k you looking at, four eyes?"
I didn't say anything back.
I just walked back to my dorm and then I cried like a pu**y.
I should have called that guy a motherf**ker, and done it with two deuces in the air.

where are you from? I did the same exact thing before, except the girl thought it was cute and it turned into a makeout. :P

mex

To act like myself and not give a facade previous to grade 11.

Middle school for me was completely awful.
Everyone was trying really hard to be "nigga gangstuhhh" in 6th grade. I was like f**k that lets talk about pokemon, yu-gi-oh, and video games, and I don't like music since it's a waste of time.
I was made fun of for not wearing gangsta clothing and wearing shoes bought from wal-mart. My best friend for all of elementry school and his new best friend invited me to his house and then when I got there they brought to the backyard and started to beat me up.
I was then made fun of even more for crying after getting punched and kicked on the ground.
"ohhh man sh*t nigga you got YO ASS BEAT" was said nearly everyday for the rest of 6th grade by my 11 year old peers. This was the first actual fight the school has heard of so everyone made it into a huge deal.
I rejected all social groups after this experience and here I am.

I crushed over a girl who was horrendously shallow and did not get the clue that crushing over guys and telling me about how much she stalked them and crushed over them when she lead me on as a potential boyfriend was ridiculously inappropriate and destructive.
If I could I would f**k myself up and actually socialize with what would be my current group of friends outside of elementary/middle/high school.
Then again, everybody there just so happened to f**k everybody else so I probably would've been messed up sexually.

I went through my "F**K YEAH TRENCH COATS AND LONG BOOTS!!!" phase in sophmore year of high school and half of junior year...god I think back and feel like such a fa**ot...

Hey fa**ots, at least you have stories to tell. I just tell everyone sh*t that I read online and replace myself as one of the side characters.

lolol oh man so true.
The internet is a perfect replacement for entertaining personal analogies.
I also sometimes do the opposite - tell an embarrassing story about myself but replace me with a friend they'll never meet.

I feel like a total jackass for not taking the "bros before hos" thing seriously. three years ago I had my first girlfriend (who I was with up until january of this year) I was so blinded by her that I didn't care that I pretty much cut off all connections with almost anyone just for her. and now here I am, friendless (with the exception of like 2 people I hang out with a few times a month) and girlfriend-less with nothing to do with my time but play wow.

In my 6th grade PE class one day we had the orange traffic cones out before class for some reason. Being the little fa**ots we were, we all stood on the cones and started jumping around like they were pogo sticks since it was before class started.
Needless to say, As I landed a jump and had my arm out to steady myself, My whole hand went perfectly straight in one of the more popular kids' ass cracks. He then turned around and shouted at me something along the lines of "are you f**king gay dude?" At this point everyone stopped jumping around on the traffic cones and stares. I unsuccessfully attempted to play it off, but f**king god I was embarrassed that whole day.
Pic for reference of traffic cone riding

I have no idea what grade this was in, but it was pretty early on in elementary. Anyway, I was in daycare, and the caretakers put all the kids in a circle and we each had to think of an animal that started with a letter in the alphabet, starting with A, then next person had to think of one for B, then C and so on....everything was going fine, people couldn't think of anything for X of course, but they were forgiven, and when the alphabet was completed, we just started again. So, being the kid who likes to count, I figure out that I'm going to have to think of something that starts with N this time around. All, I could think of was Newt, but that was said last time......and I just couldn't f**king think of anything else....and then it hit me, and while everyone else was on the letter H or something, I burst out saying "Oh I know! N is for Ni**er!"
I had no idea what it meant at the time, and got a lot of sh*t from all the teachers and students.

I feel like a total jackass for not taking the "bros before hos" thing seriously. three years ago I had my first girlfriend (who I was with up until january of this year) I was so blinded by her that I didn't care that I pretty much cut off all connections with almost anyone just for her. and now here I am, friendless (with the exception of like 2 people I hang out with a few times a month) and girlfriend-less with nothing to do with my time but play wow.

Dude, the exact same thing happened to me. Except now I have a new best friend and a new girlfriend whom I respect and respects my need for "bros".
Don't lose hope! Sh*t can get awesome again :)

Once we had this trial and error homework to do in maths when I was 11. I 'cheated' by writing a computer program to do it for me. When the teacher asked how I did so well, I proudly announced it to the class. Oh god their faces. Why I thought I'd be cool for saying that I don't know.

1. One of my biggest regrets - There was this one girl I liked since the 8th grade, senior year comes around and she's sitting next to me in English class (I had never really talked to her before). Everyday in English class she would try to start a conversation but I was too much of a pu**y to say anything meaningful back, it got to the point where she would playfully hit me or touch me but I didn't do sh*t. I basically had a f**king hot ass girl hitting on me (I later found out she was a f**king awesome girl and a total freak in bed) I wish I can go back and tell myself to man the f**k up.
2. It was the last few days of my junior year in high school and we had free dress days (we had to wear a uniform at my school, it wasn't that bad - a solid colored collared shirt). Since it was the last few days before Summer and it was free dress I decided to get a nice haircut, I got rid of my hideous haircut I had since childhood (my brother calls it lego hair - looking at pictures of me with that haircut makes me cringe). I also put some effort into my wardrobe, I didn't wear whatever the f**k I can grab. I walk into school and feel uncomfortable as f**k, everyone is giving me attention and sh*t since I changed myself so much, people liked how I looked but I was too much of a pu**y to do anything yet again. Because of that day I hate causing attention towards me, I still dress nice and keep my hair well groomed but I try not to do anything big.
I'll post more as I remember them

I have no idea what grade this was in, but it was pretty early on in elementary. Anyway, I was in daycare, and the caretakers put all the kids in a circle and we each had to think of an animal that started with a letter in the alphabet, starting with A, then next person had to think of one for B, then C and so on....everything was going fine, people couldn't think of anything for X of course, but they were forgiven, and when the alphabet was completed, we just started again. So, being the kid who likes to count, I figure out that I'm going to have to think of something that starts with N this time around. All, I could think of was Newt, but that was said last time......and I just couldn't f**king think of anything else....and then it hit me, and while everyone else was on the letter H or something, I burst out saying "Oh I know! N is for Ni**er!"
I had no idea what it meant at the time, and got a lot of sh*t from all the teachers and students.

>think of an animal
>ni**er
I see no problem here.

Richard? lmfao

Richard? lmfao

askmdha holy f**k
who are you?
what letter does my last name start with?

There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards when you ask 'why me?' and 'what if?' When you look back, see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or a forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
>Max Payne 2

Lets see, when I listened to death and black metal when i was 14/15.
I turned into a tremendous fa**ot and I hardly ever smiled.
Even looking at pictures, im a happy child until 14, at which point I let my hair grow long and I never smiled cause I was oh so edgy. After that, at age 16, I started to smile again.
God damn, I loathe that time period.

Well, this one time which must have been grade 5 i was sitting next to this girl who was really quite mature for her age, and would obviously grow up to be a bit of a babe.
So i began to feel a bit ill after returning from morning tea (ausf**). So i put my head down on my desk and must have fallen asleep.
I remember waking up feeling so amazingly sick, more-so than i have felt in my entire life. So, evidently i barfed.
It hit the desk so hard it sprayed up allover her and the three people in the row in front. It was torrential, as i was lurching she began to scream and started to vomit herself. Which in turn triggered one of the splash victims in front of me to do the same.
During this onslaught of bowel explosions, I stood up and ran to the door. Producing the absolute clincher of them all. You know that picture of the guy vomiting and it's coming out his nose and mouth. Imagine that allover the door and entrance to the room.
I wish i could go back and see the teachers face.

When I was younger probably 10 or 11, I was just getting into puberty and was starting to grow boobs. I was really uncomfortable with myself and this fact. My mother, brother and I were playing around and tickling each other. In the midst of hands tickling each other, I think my brother grabbed my proto-boob on accident. I freak out and hide in my room. When my mother comes to check on me, the only thing I can say when she asks why I'm so upset is really loudly say, "YOU'RE A PERVERT!" She gets really sad and starts crying and I can't say that I meant to call my bro a pervert and I didn't even mean to say it. She just quietly closed the door and walked away. For the next month or so, she tries to avoid hugging or touching me. Oh god, that memory makes me really sad and awkward at the same time. All I want to do is go back in time and take back what I said, and tell her I didn't mean to say it.
T-T ... for real.

Well, this one time which must have been grade 5 i was sitting next to this girl who was really quite mature for her age, and would obviously grow up to be a bit of a babe.
So i began to feel a bit ill after returning from morning tea (ausf**). So i put my head down on my desk and must have fallen asleep.
I remember waking up feeling so amazingly sick, more-so than i have felt in my entire life. So, evidently i barfed.
It hit the desk so hard it sprayed up allover her and the three people in the row in front. It was torrential, as i was lurching she began to scream and started to vomit herself. Which in turn triggered one of the splash victims in front of me to do the same.
During this onslaught of bowel explosions, I stood up and ran to the door. Producing the absolute clincher of them all. You know that picture of the guy vomiting and it's coming out his nose and mouth. Imagine that allover the door and entrance to the room.
I wish i could go back and see the teachers face.

Not really something i could help, but i thought it would be a good addition.

Well, this one time which must have been grade 5 i was sitting next to this girl who was really quite mature for her age, and would obviously grow up to be a bit of a babe.
So i began to feel a bit ill after returning from morning tea (ausf**). So i put my head down on my desk and must have fallen asleep.
I remember waking up feeling so amazingly sick, more-so than i have felt in my entire life. So, evidently i barfed.
It hit the desk so hard it sprayed up allover her and the three people in the row in front. It was torrential, as i was lurching she began to scream and started to vomit herself. Which in turn triggered one of the splash victims in front of me to do the same.
During this onslaught of bowel explosions, I stood up and ran to the door. Producing the absolute clincher of them all. You know that picture of the guy vomiting and it's coming out his nose and mouth. Imagine that allover the door and entrance to the room.
I wish i could go back and see the teachers face.

holy f**k lol'd

I payed no attention to my style whatsoever. I only wore cheap tshirts, jeans and sweaters and they were a poor fit. My parents could easily afford nicer clothes but I insisted.

The day my grandfather died, my mother came in and woke me up in tears. She told me he had passed away the very same morning and asked if I wanted to come to the hospital. I'd never had to deal with the death of anyone before (I was 11) so I really had no idea how to react...so I said "Yeah, I want to see a dead body!"
She said "don't talk about my daddy that way" through tears.
I have never forgotten this. I love my mother more than anything and I wish this had never happened. I'm sure she's forgotten or if she hasn't she understands I was only young...but f**k, I feel awful. This is the first time I've ever told anyone.

F**k bro, I'm almost in tears from what your mom said...

Jesus, this was sixth grade, I believe. Once upon a retarded idea me and my friend made a website using a free web page design site. Pretty stupid sh*t. One day I notice that the menus and sh*t are different so I immediately assume "oh no he upgraded to the full version and I'm gonna have to pay for this sh*t" so I promptly call his house to scream at him because I'm an idiot. Nobody answers, so of course I leave a message which is basically me yelling nonsensical claims of lawsuits ("I'm gonna sue your ass off!"). And of course, my friend's mom gets the message, and I get an angry phone call back from her, demanding an apology.
Wow, I was really a stupid little sh*t back then.

I'm at a party three years ago; first real party I've ever been to. We play ten fingers. I admit I've never kissed a girl, had sex, whatever. Some really hot girl admits to being a virgin, too. Later we play truth or dare. Friend dares hot girl to make out with me. She's all nice (I'm the small innocent guy; she's taller than me, I believe) and asks if it's okay. I say, "Umm, I'm not sure I want to have my first kiss like this." Friend then tells her to give me a lap dance. I'm okay with this. She starts grinding on me, but she's nervous and slowing it down. Eventually people stop watching and she stops. She then asks me, "Did you enjoy it?" I kind of didn't, so I just say, "Well, I can't say that I didn't," with a smile. She's bothered by this. So she says, "How about I take you into the other room and give you a real lap dance?" Holy sh*t holy sh*t hol - "Nah, he has too much respect for women, don't you anon?" my friend says.
"Yeah, he's right, thanks... though."
Ugh, I should not have listened to my friend. I did get her to show her tits to my friends and I later. Nice, big tits, but it was dark and I only remember the outside.

>I did get her to show her tits to my friends and I later. Nice, big tits, but it was dark and I only remember the outside.
>the outside
how could you forget what it looked like when you sliced them open?

first day of highschool I was playing soccer with some guys I just met and this douchebag kept giving me sh*t.
Eventually he came over and started yelling in my face, so I pushed him away. He fell over, hit his head on the concrete and got a concussion (oh god that felt good).
Afterward, everyone looked at me like I punched a wheelchair kid. I was wtf'ing pretty hard until someone told me that something was wrong with his ears so he could barely balance.
I still thought he deserved it so I was all F**K YOU GUYS (I was so cool) and stormed off home.
My grandma came over and when she tried to talk to me about it nicely I told HER to f**k off.
She had a heart attack as she drove home about half an hour later ;_;

ive asked a random metaller where to buy slipknot t-shirts

I sometimes regret growing a brain at an early age and staying away from school/worldly gimmicks.

9th/10th grade: Fancied a girl, got totally friendzoned. We talked on msn messenger, like, every night, and I changed my name to "loving [her] no matter what the cost". Ugh.

first day of highschool I was playing soccer with some guys I just met and this douchebag kept giving me sh*t.
Eventually he came over and started yelling in my face, so I pushed him away. He fell over, hit his head on the concrete and got a concussion (oh god that felt good).
Afterward, everyone looked at me like I punched a wheelchair kid. I was wtf'ing pretty hard until someone told me that something was wrong with his ears so he could barely balance.
I still thought he deserved it so I was all F**K YOU GUYS (I was so cool) and stormed off home.
My grandma came over and when she tried to talk to me about it nicely I told HER to f**k off.
She had a heart attack as she drove home about half an hour later ;_;

>She had a heart attack as she drove home about half an hour later ;_;
HAHAHAHAHAHA OH GOD

I can only remember one, in year 7 I was holding something, walking around in biology and I tripped and landed right in the teachers tits. now that I think about it, she was really hot but holy f**k that was awkward.

Mines pretty bad.
>meet hot girl on church she was at least 9/10
>she likes me, ME!!!
>Was like f**k yeaaaaa
>3 months later to much of a f**king pu**y to kiss her
>act clingy
F**KLKKKKK
3 years later and I still have a thing for this girl. She was all over me as well. F**KF**KF**K

My whole life until I was 19.

At lunch this Indian kid always sat with us (nerds and normalf**s) and he would never say a thing. He'd just sit at school all day without saying anything. Now I knew that his father had cancer and was not doing well, he actually passed away by now. But in my country cancer is a normal swear word, so I said to him "Hey cancer[name of kid]. Why are you so cancerly quiet?". He never said anything about it because he never says anything about well.. anything.
But I feel like such a douchebag for talking to him like that.

Back in grade school when everyone was hitting puberty and being horny little sh*ts we all went over to this kid's house for a party. His parents were away and we had the whole house to ourselves. It was the rich popular kid's house so there were hot girls there too, and lucky for all of us the classroom slut was there too.
We decided to play some sort of "in the dark tag" or something where you had to sneak around quietly and find people in the dark or something stupid like that. We had this huge basement to run around. As soon as the game starts I do my best to quietly hide and play it fairly because I don't want to get singled out, but of course being so out of touch I didn't realize nobody was really playing the game at all.
(continued)

Back in grade school when everyone was hitting puberty and being horny little sh*ts we all went over to this kid's house for a party. His parents were away and we had the whole house to ourselves. It was the rich popular kid's house so there were hot girls there too, and lucky for all of us the classroom slut was there too.
We decided to play some sort of "in the dark tag" or something where you had to sneak around quietly and find people in the dark or something stupid like that. We had this huge basement to run around. As soon as the game starts I do my best to quietly hide and play it fairly because I don't want to get singled out, but of course being so out of touch I didn't realize nobody was really playing the game at all.
(continued)

f**king finishhh itttt

Back in grade school when everyone was hitting puberty and being horny little sh*ts we all went over to this kid's house for a party. His parents were away and we had the whole house to ourselves. It was the rich popular kid's house so there were hot girls there too, and lucky for all of us the classroom slut was there too.
We decided to play some sort of "in the dark tag" or something where you had to sneak around quietly and find people in the dark or something stupid like that. We had this huge basement to run around. As soon as the game starts I do my best to quietly hide and play it fairly because I don't want to get singled out, but of course being so out of touch I didn't realize nobody was really playing the game at all.
(continued)

While I'm hiding I hear a bunch of giggling and laughing coming from a corner of the basement. I ignore it. A few minutes later I hear heavy breathing and a bunch of guy voices whispering too. Then just barely through the dim light from across the room I see a flash of pale skin. The girl had her tiny white shirt rolled up and had boys groping every inch of her body. She wasn't wearing a bra, and I could just make out her puffy nipples in the shadows. I couldn't see her hands but I'll bet anything she had them down some of their pants or maybe even her own. I heard a loud playful shriek and then noticed that some of the guys had pushed her over and were getting on top of her their hands just scurrying around her body. I just sat there dumbfounded.
A few minutes later the lights come on and everyone who wasn't crowded around the classroom slut had their heads turned looking at her. She was beat red with a huge smile on her face. "Oh they started tickling me" she said. Then we all decided to play something else.
I still kick myself for not going over there.

when i was about 5 or 6 i was a really picky eater and i hated most foods so i ate very little. i think that stunted my growth, and now i'm short. i wish i could go back inside and kick the sh*t out of my young self for that.

When I was about 7 or 8 I said to my dad "I wish I was an only child" (I have a brother 2 years younger than me who was evidently annoying me at the time) and he said "oh well, your brother will always be around so I guess you should get used to it"
My response ".....not if he gets in a car accident".
The look my dad gave me. Not cool. He told me I should never say anything like that again.
I also regret being a bitch to my parents as a teenager. It really cut the close family ties we had before that. Even though I'm not angsty any more I find it very very difficult to be affectionate to any of them.

I had to retake 9th grade math, due to being a burn-out loser. I was going through this stupid phase, where I would say "Like your mom... 'Cause she's a wh**re!" whenever people said things that were even a little bit relevant to the retort.
There was a girl in my remedial class named Megan, that I didn't like nor not like. Nice enough girl. During a quiet moment while we were working on equations of some sort, she bangs her calculator on her desk and says "God, my calculator is f**ked!"
I of course, quip in "Like your mom... 'Cause she's a wh**re!" and giggle a bit, due to being fried.
Well, the class is silent, and everyone looks at me like I'm Satan. Megan says, "My mom died last month."
Then, of course five minutes later, she has the nerve to say "Sh*t, my calculator is completely dead." My friend sitting next to me practically leaped out of her chair to cover my mouth.

There are no choices. Nothing but a straight line. The illusion comes afterwards when you ask 'why me?' and 'what if?' When you look back, see the branches, like a pruned bonsai tree, or a forked lightning. If you had done something differently, it wouldn't be you, it would be someone else looking back, asking a different set of questions.
>Max Payne 2

so true.
thanks to this thread, I've decided to take the future into account with everything I do.
So I won't look back at myself in 4, 12, 20 years time and think, "f**k i was such a fa**ot"

When i was 15 I was away for a week with my first (and still my only) girlfriend at her holiday home. Now, I met her online through a mutual friend, back when everyone had Myspace. I'm stupidly awkward and shy around people I don't know, but for some reason when I finally got a girlfriend I turned into a total over-confident fa**ot.
She was looking through her myspace photos and talking about how she'd edited them in Photoshop, and I told her that they did look quite edited, and jokingly said that you might be "dissappointed" if you really expected her to look like that
Completely f**king forgot that I met her online and those were the photos I would've based her appearance on. That and a host of other mistakes probably caused her to dump me in the end.

so true.
thanks to this thread, I've decided to take the future into account with everything I do.
So I won't look back at myself in 4, 12, 20 years time and think, "f**k i was such a fa**ot"

That would also mean that you hit on any girl you find attractive.
Can your punk bitch ass do that?
Didn't think so.

1st year of college. We got an assigment for an experimental music module . We had to write a 200 word paper on Buddisms relevene to minimalist music or some sh*t. This being 1st year we are all dumb f**ks and dont know how to research for a paper and hunt out sources. This sexy chick I had a big crush on texts me outta the blue 'Gee this paper is sooo hard, dyu wanna maybe study together?' Taking this as her coming onto me and not her trying to exploit me being a general smarty pants I Planned out our meeting next day. Next day she texts me 5 mins before we are due to meet up. 'Uhmm my friend just helped me so I dont think we need to meet up now, lol!'
I text back a sad face :( , (Chicks love that sh*t). She decides to meet up. Me being a creep ,I had bought us coffee and try to herd her towards a secluded corner in the college coffee place. She was well freaked and made some bullsh*t excuse. Whats worse is that my orge friends was a few seats away watching the whole thing. Also the same day I met the same girl on the bus home. It being a hot day I was sweating like a pig. We had to stand for the bus journey and my armpit was basically in her face the whoe journey.
I never saw her again funnily enough

Middle school.
There was this new kid, some pretentious prick that wore flashy clothes. I was trying to befriend him so I made notice of his Death Cab for Cutie shirt, saying "Oh, DCFC? I have the same shirt!". The next day he grills me on what songs I know, at that moment I froze because I just listened to singles off of limewire and couldn't remember the names. Then he says "poser", which is quite brutal for anyone trying to fit in.
Not entirely my fault, kid was a bit of a douchebag. But still, I tried too hard.
He now wears American Apparel and listens to screamo/deathcore garbage.
I have a much more respectable taste, listening to jazz, noise, drone, and such.

don't kid yourself. you still listen to sh*t.

Went clubbing one night and started scoring with a sexy girl on the dance floor. Sh*t went on for a while then we sat down had drinks and kissed somemore. I got her numbre , talked random sh*t all the while I thought 'Yes I finally going to get my hole'. The lights came on at closing time and she saw me and said she couldnt come back with me cos she 'had a test' in the morning.
I feel like killing myself whenever I think about it.

I used Furcadia from jr high through high school. WHAT THE F**K MAN. ;=; I used it to chat with people and im not a furryotherkinweeabofa**ot. =/

I had to retake 9th grade math, due to being a burn-out loser. I was going through this stupid phase, where I would say "Like your mom... 'Cause she's a wh**re!" whenever people said things that were even a little bit relevant to the retort.
There was a girl in my remedial class named Megan, that I didn't like nor not like. Nice enough girl. During a quiet moment while we were working on equations of some sort, she bangs her calculator on her desk and says "God, my calculator is f**ked!"
I of course, quip in "Like your mom... 'Cause she's a wh**re!" and giggle a bit, due to being fried.
Well, the class is silent, and everyone looks at me like I'm Satan. Megan says, "My mom died last month."
Then, of course five minutes later, she has the nerve to say "Sh*t, my calculator is completely dead." My friend sitting next to me practically leaped out of her chair to cover my mouth.

>implying that what you did to Megan wasnt super awesome
But yeah, saying "ur mum lawl" is for dicks.

ITT: We describe how school went today

> ITT: We describe how school went today
lol, digital fist-bump!

I thought my college tutor was coming onto me and asked him for a rimjob.
Told me to GTFO and never come back.

Agnostic, I believe the idea that the universe came about by some supreme creator is such an enigma it's almost not worth all the energy people put in debating about it. I think it's a reasonable assertion that there is some kind of God/creator out there. I'm about 50/50 on this.
But I do not believe in prophets, I don't believe god has spoken to anyone. I don't believe Jesus was his son. I don't believe God created morality, or gives a sh*t about petty mortal concerns (Adultry, stealing, gaysex) and I don't believe in eternal paradise, or suffering.
tl;dr my beliefs:
supreme creator? Yeahmaybe
Organized religion? lolnowai

In 20 years I hope you build a time machine and come back to this moment and beat the f**k out of yourself for posting this.

I shat my pants in school after me and my buddy had a fart contest. I left class to go to the toilet to change outta my boxers. I left the boxers in the toilet bowl. Little did I know my name was written on them.

In 20 years I hope you build a time machine and come back to this moment and beat the f**k out of yourself for posting this.

In 20 years I hope you're still sitting in front of the computer virtually belittling people who did not read 'The God Delusion' like you, 20 years ago, when you were just so cool and on top of sh*t.

THis one wasn't me but when I was 16 I was friends with this really slow redneck kid. Like really really slow, I think he was borderline retarded.
He had a crush on my sister and we all had the same busstop. To try to impress her he was talking about his family and said (I sh*t you not):
"Dere's two things tha' run in mah famly: male pattern baldness and larrrrge genitalia"

I thought relationships/love were below me in high school because I was pretentious, nihilistic fa**ot. I remember having this girl rubbing my dick and abs, after a minute or so of humoring her I got annoyed and I told her to f**k off for being a "horny monkey". I was also proud of being a loner because it was proof that I wasn't like "them".

these are all very funny stories, guys.

first day of highschool I was playing soccer with some guys I just met and this douchebag kept giving me sh*t.
Eventually he came over and started yelling in my face, so I pushed him away. He fell over, hit his head on the concrete and got a concussion (oh god that felt good).
Afterward, everyone looked at me like I punched a wheelchair kid. I was wtf'ing pretty hard until someone told me that something was wrong with his ears so he could barely balance.
I still thought he deserved it so I was all F**K YOU GUYS (I was so cool) and stormed off home.
My grandma came over and when she tried to talk to me about it nicely I told HER to f**k off.
She had a heart attack as she drove home about half an hour later ;_;

WHAT THE F**K MAN!?!?! NO! NO. NO. THAT'S NOT COOL MAN. THAT'S NOT COOL. THE OTHERS WERE FUNNY AND UNDERSTANDABLE. BUT NO. GET THE F**K OUT.
...That was my genuine irl reaction.

Unfortunately yes, it would indeed seem to be possible. A normal cold sore by itself will go away, but when the actual virus/fluid from the sore is exposed to the penis, it acts like herpes contracted through intercourse.
tl;dr, self-infection
Inb4 sh*t suxs. Yes, I'm quite aware that it does...

LOL NO one is HSV1 the other HSV2
Different variants.

WHAT THE F**K MAN!?!?! NO! NO. NO. THAT'S NOT COOL MAN. THAT'S NOT COOL. THE OTHERS WERE FUNNY AND UNDERSTANDABLE. BUT NO. GET THE F**K OUT.
...That was my genuine irl reaction.

F**k you, don't you think I feel terrible about it already?

Actually read through the whole thread.
- Grade 5 it would've been, whole class went outside did PE (gym class). There was one fat kid, who sweated, a lot. While we were skipping, this kid pissed himself. I made a scene about it, desperately trying to look cool in front of a class that really hated me. He actually took it pretty well, saying 'its only a little bit of sweat'... Until after I kept teasing him and spreading rumors he called me a jerk and ran away crying. I've done worse to other people, but this kid didn't deserve it. He wore hogans hero's T-shirt and listened to metallica which was still cooler than me in year 8.
- ages 13 onward I had issues with my parents touching me or trying to kiss me. Don't think i've let them hug me since. Chances are i'm going to come to regret this.
And there would be many more. But I don't remember much from around that time. Probably for the better.

sh*t. What was it, uh...7th...maybe 8th grade.
I finally get this fairly hot, kinda nerdy girl to want to f**k my brains out without even doing sh*t, *and I don't f**king do a goddamn thing about it once I realize it because of how much of a retard I am*.
Also, that time I took love hina to school, but that's when I was a huge weeaboo fa**ot so =\

Very recently...like last week, I was hanging out with a few of my friends and we all were pretty sloshed. Near the end of the night, I declared a beer chugging contest. I popped open my beer, and I didn't let it fizz too much. I guess I was about 3/4 done, and stopped to burp... but instead of burping, the fizz was rising up in my stomach and came out as a stream of projectile vomit across the kitchen onto my friend's living room couch and carpet. Everyone just stared. I awkwardly asked where a towel was to clean it up.
In about 8th grade I had a huge crush on this freshman I knew. We were staying after school for something band related. He was going to his friend to use the bathroom, and I awkwardly went with them to have a chance alone with this guy and get away from everyone else. Needless to say, his first kiss was with me standing outside the bathroom listening to Jason piss and whistle. I still know him and feel terrible for making this his first kiss memory.
In high school about 10th grade, I had a crush on this guy who dated really pretty girls. He was really thin and delicate looking, while I was sort of a husky girl. He was saying bye to me as I was going into class and I gave him the most embarrassing hug of my life. I proceeded to actually pick him up and swing him around. WHAT THE F**K WAS I THINKING? I cringe typing this. As an effort to save my awkwardness, I looked at my other friend and was like "would you like a hug?" He just looked at me and said, "Noooooo."

I don't know why some of you try to forget these things, retaining a memory of your regrets will help you not make them again.

Nothing really original, but when I was something like 15, I was a freaking huge weaboo. I was into yaoi, liked to wear very flashy and ugly clothes that could belong to a clown anytime I could, and loved to say to everyone how much I liked to read Full Metal Alchemist (which I still read btw) and stuff.
The worst part is that I was used to use random japanese words like "kawaii" or "sugoi". I had two friends of mine who were weaboos too, and I kept shouting "ONEEEESAAAAN" or "CHIBIII CHAAAN" when I saw them in the playground.
Yep.

I also just recently found an old camcorder with a video of me skateboarding I had my mom film when I was 11. Just rolling off of curbs thinking I was hot sh*t.
On that same tape I had my mom film me in the back yard with a spear my dad brought back from kenya. Shirtless, play fighting against a bunch of ninjas. This tape was from when I was younger though, 8 or 9.

Dude...pretending to be a samurai or ninja was the highlight of my youth!! I still f**k around with a broomstick from time to time when i find one laying around. It makes me smile reminiscing.
Most embarrassing moment of my life was in 6th grade. I had never so much as asked a girl out and I finally got the balls up to do it and she said yes. So I, of course, was thinking sweet!! Later on I find out, after telling a friend that I went on a date with this chick, and him subsequently telling other people, that said chicks boyfriend did not take kindly to people "dating" his gf. A learning experience I can laugh at now but it f**ked with my head pretty bad at the time.

Agnostic, I believe the idea that the universe came about by some supreme creator is such an enigma it's almost not worth all the energy people put in debating about it. I think it's a reasonable assertion that there is some kind of God/creator out there. I'm about 50/50 on this.
But I do not believe in prophets, I don't believe god has spoken to anyone. I don't believe Jesus was his son. I don't believe God created morality, or gives a sh*t about petty mortal concerns (Adultry, stealing, gaysex) and I don't believe in eternal paradise, or suffering.
tl;dr my beliefs:
supreme creator? Yeahmaybe
Organized religion? lolnowai

Aristotle's Prime Mover. Check out his thoughts on a supreme being. He keeps it simple and therefore it makes far more sense than a lot of other thoughts.

never confessed to a girl i was crushing on in grade 3.
i still regular dreams about her, even though i have no f**king idea what she would look like 12 years later.

Sixth grade band: Cried because I couldn't buzz properly without a mouthpiece. Band director made all the trumpet players do it one-by-one in front of the entire band, and I was the first one who couldn't do it, so I ended up bawling. Sh*t was so humiliating, the director came over and rubbed my shoulders, which made it a thousand times more humiliating. Last time I've ever cried for an emotional reason.
Seventh grade: Creeped out on this girl. I'd definitely take that back, in hindsight it really f**ked up my social standing. I didn't just stalk her, I found out that she was moving (she was a military brat) so I bought her a freakin necklace, even though she had never before displayed any sort of positive reaction to me. She wore it on the last day, which made me so happy, and then I ended up being picked on for it for years. Definitely not worth it.

once when i was smoking a cig i tripped and fell in front of dozens of people including sum bitch who "liked" me.
OH WELL

My father was an alcoholic. He's not the one that'd beat us up when he gets drunk, he just... gets drunk all by himself and sleeps. Every day, a bottle of whiskey. After a meal, a beer. This continued throughout my life up until I was 19 years old (I'm 23 now). My mom keeps on telling him passively to stop drinking or it'll kill him before I graduate college. Long story short, he passed away due to complications from his liver or f**k knows what conditions doctors said... He passed away during my 3rd year in uni. He didn't see me graduate. I still keep on thinking about it every night, before I go to sleep that I should've done something, maybe told him to stop drinking or whatever... Or maybe I should've told him that I love him. I could've prolonged his life and maybe celebrate his birthday with a smile.
I want to punch myself everytime I think of myself doing nothing. Oh well, c'est la vie. :(

My father was an alcoholic. He's not the one that'd beat us up when he gets drunk, he just... gets drunk all by himself and sleeps. Every day, a bottle of whiskey. After a meal, a beer. This continued throughout my life up until I was 19 years old (I'm 23 now). My mom keeps on telling him passively to stop drinking or it'll kill him before I graduate college. Long story short, he passed away due to complications from his liver or f**k knows what conditions doctors said... He passed away during my 3rd year in uni. He didn't see me graduate. I still keep on thinking about it every night, before I go to sleep that I should've done something, maybe told him to stop drinking or whatever... Or maybe I should've told him that I love him. I could've prolonged his life and maybe celebrate his birthday with a smile.
I want to punch myself everytime I think of myself doing nothing. Oh well, c'est la vie. :(

sh*t man. My dad's an alcoholic very similar to the one you described, cept he does have a temper and breaks sh*t and verbally abuses my mother
I've always thought that if he died then he would've deserved it, as sad as I'd be anyway. Now you've got me worried that it'll all turn out for the worst and I'll wish that the present-day me would have done something. Dunno what the f**k I can even do though. Screw it

My father was an alcoholic. He's not the one that'd beat us up when he gets drunk, he just... gets drunk all by himself and sleeps. Every day, a bottle of whiskey. After a meal, a beer. This continued throughout my life up until I was 19 years old (I'm 23 now). My mom keeps on telling him passively to stop drinking or it'll kill him before I graduate college. Long story short, he passed away due to complications from his liver or f**k knows what conditions doctors said... He passed away during my 3rd year in uni. He didn't see me graduate. I still keep on thinking about it every night, before I go to sleep that I should've done something, maybe told him to stop drinking or whatever... Or maybe I should've told him that I love him. I could've prolonged his life and maybe celebrate his birthday with a smile.
I want to punch myself everytime I think of myself doing nothing. Oh well, c'est la vie. :(

you forgot the part where your mom was making a sammich and he pulled out a knife and put a smile on your face.

F**k anonymous, just be glad that none of yours were caught on camera and widely distributed throughout school.
F**k.
Just.
Be.
Glad.
F**k.

I thought I heard someone knocking on the door, but I was masturbating so I wasn't sure, I stopped but didn't hear anything so got back to business. 5 minutes later I heard someone knocking on the downstairs door and I answered it and it was my dad, he didn't have his keys. I'm pretty sure he would have seen me batting on the way to the downstairs door, which makes me cringe a bit, but I'm not 100%, I wish I knew!

F**k anonymous, just be glad that none of yours were caught on camera and widely distributed throughout school.
F**k.
Just.
Be.
Glad.
F**k.

Oh wow. Tell us the details!

The police raided my house looking for cameras, memory sticks, dvd's, anything that could store photos of video (graffiti), when I was around 20. There was no evidence in the house but they were taking my computer and blank dvd's and stuff.
I had overlooked a VHS tape in my regular housecleaning sessions, the police put it in the pile of stuff they were taking. I asked the guy in charge for a quiet word, as it was a home porn tape of my first girlfriend from when I was 16, I had filmed it without telling her too. I told him it was a sex tape, and he said he had to be sure, so we put it in my VCR and he asked me to FFWD and play bits at random, so basically him and a handful of other police got to see the start of Cool Runnings, followed by a sampler pack of my 16 year old sex skills. Nice. Fortunately they didn't realise it was nonconsensually filmed, but still pretty awkward.

F**k anonymous, just be glad that none of yours were caught on camera and widely distributed throughout school.
F**k.
Just.
Be.
Glad.
F**k.

Are you the Star wars kid?

Holy sh*t that's terrible. Did people remember and/or hold it against you?

Naw. I was actually pretty popular for one of the freaky kids (pretty nerdy girl, listened to old prog metal, long, LONG dark hair that made me look like a goth, rather cynical and sarcastic, which I guess was a refreshing change from all the LOL RANDUM XD girls), and what I said and did was 'cool'. I still dunno why.
So no, it wasnt held against me. Everyone was pretty much wary of Jordan anyways, seeing as he was pretty gross and just, ah, alien. It was also the end of the year and I left for public school the next year.
But f**k I still feel awful about it.

In 9th grade I was obsessed with a guy at another school that I could get to pretty easily. So on a Friday where I didnt have school and he did, I took the metro down to his school and waited out in front of his locker for him to come out of his last class.
Then the school's police came by and noticed I wasnt actually from that school and wasnt a legitimate visitor. Class got out just as they were carting me away, and the guy I had gone there to see saw me and started laughing.
]: That was pretty embarrasing.

In 9th grade I was obsessed with a guy at another school that I could get to pretty easily. So on a Friday where I didnt have school and he did, I took the metro down to his school and waited out in front of his locker for him to come out of his last class.
Then the school's police came by and noticed I wasnt actually from that school and wasnt a legitimate visitor. Class got out just as they were carting me away, and the guy I had gone there to see saw me and started laughing.
]: That was pretty embarrasing.

What metro?

I don't remember exactly when but I made this set of "sound effects" during middle school/early highschool years. Holeee sh*t, my voice at the time was pretty f**king girly so I went with it and made "girl" voice effects for crappy GM games.
Not embarassing on it's own right, I mean who knew? Well I f**king uploaded them to my stupid goddamn freewebs page and my cousin(best friend for the longest time too) manages to keep that f**king link no matter how many times his computer crashes. It's like a monument to me being a freaky weirdo.
He browses web as much as me and would know it was me if he read this thread, but he never comes to anonymous.

I don't remember exactly when but I made this set of "sound effects" during middle school/early highschool years. Holeee sh*t, my voice at the time was pretty f**king girly so I went with it and made "girl" voice effects for crappy GM games.
Not embarassing on it's own right, I mean who knew? Well I f**king uploaded them to my stupid goddamn freewebs page and my cousin(best friend for the longest time too) manages to keep that f**king link no matter how many times his computer crashes. It's like a monument to me being a freaky weirdo.
He browses web as much as me and would know it was me if he read this thread, but he never comes to anonymous.

Post the link, I'd like to hear this

I remember my grandmother's last week of life perfectly. She was in hospital. My mom was in another country back then and my grandfather took care of me. He was divorced of my grandmother and he told me how their divorce was, how he was kicked out of the house by my grandma, and I wondered how would I ever look at my grandmother the same way again...
...I never HAD to look at her again, because she died the next morning.
:'(

Also, I wish I hadn't fallen for my best friend. Whom I didn't even meet anyway. He lives in the other part of the world, yet I fell in love with him over the internet. Now, I'm in love with a guy who looks exactly like him, in my high school. But I will never be with him, because I'm a fat nerdy girl. Nobody wants a fat nerdy girl. :'(
Except for a friend of mine who is also a girl, and she wants to kiss me when we're going to England this summer. Just... I'm not sure if I want my first kiss with another girl.

Post the link, I'd like to hear this

Oh hell naw, I don't even keep the link with me. I seriously don't know how he's managed to keep it all this time, the guys computer crashes on a practically bi-monthly basis.

In year 9 I brought a dragonforce CD in for an assignment, we had to describe what type of music we listened to. Prior to this some girl took it off me and scratched all the back, I went absolutely batsh*t insane and screamed right in her face, she cried.
On the upside the only other music I had on me that day was Amon Amarth, so I put that on instead, some guys thought I had a good taste in music and befriended me. 4 years later they're my best friends.
But the girl still dead eyes me when I see her, and I've not raised my voice since.

ITT: We describe how school went today

Speaking of school today, my Trig teacher is a DJ or something at WDKX, some sh*tty hip-hop station on the east coast I guess. And I was talking to him about music.
The man knows knows nothing.
He was listening to the absolute sh*ttiest electronica in class today. Basshunter, Cammy, oh God. And he kept on talking about how he loves techno. The man is nothing but a troll.

In elementary school for talent show I sang a song from Lion King. I still remember "I'm gonna be a mighty king..." etc. Really I was only in talent show because I was crushing on someone else with a routine. But f**k, so fail. My parents must have been proud seeing their little girl singing Elton John. I wish I could go back and talk me out of that.

I only play Bob Marley because of this. He's loved by some, but tolerated by all. No other artist can really be that.

This is the only kind of music I hate

I don't remember quite when, but sometime in middle school when I had the delusion that I was totally hot sh*t and could jump over anything,
my friends sister was sitting in a chair some distance away, and we were outside, so I decided I'd run and jump over her.
I completely fail, and crotch-knock her over onto the ground.
What makes it worse, is that she's probably the kindest person I know. I don't know if she remembers, but I still feel like a dumbsh*t for doing that.

At 14 years of age I rewrote Thomas Ledin's Sommaren Ar Kort from Swedish to Norwegian. This was our homework for music class. I was also (still am) a very talented singer, and when my teacher asked me if I could sing this song for the whole school at graduation. If I did, I would get the highest grade possible.
I did it, got my grade, and literary made myself a fool in front of the whole school. I feel dirty whenever I think about it.

ITT: Moments from when you were younger that make you want to create a time machine just so you can punch yourself in the face for being such a retard...
I was 15 at the time... It was High school. The teacher announced we had to do a project on a song we liked. At the time... I listened to System of a Down and Slipknot.... I raised my hand and said.. "I don't know if I'll be able to do it, I listen to some pretty heavy stuff" With what was probably a stupid f**king grin on my face. "Im sure it will be fine" said the teacher. I replied with "Ok, but I've warned you." Again with the stupid grin.. Then when it came time for the speech and we had to do the song I sat their witha smug grin looking around, I remember the look of disgust in my class mates eyes..
It might not seem completely horrible to you, but to me it makes me want to wrap my lips around a revolver..
Your turn anons.

Mostly times when in retrospect I realize a girl was really coming on to me, not just being nice to me or something like that.
But, more importantly I would start taking this anti-anxiety medicine earlier instead of moving from one anti depressant to another, spending my 20's wasted on finding a medicine that worked.

Fapping after having an everyday cold sore on my lips. I gave myself the gift that keeps on giving, and didn't even have the chance to say I got it in the midst of hot, sweaty sex.
Granted, I didn't know otherwise I wouldn't have done something so blindly idiotic, but still...

You could have had it worse my friend. If you're cold sore virus gets to you're eyes you can go blind.

I asked out a chubby girl to my 9th grade homecoming. She was so cute and had a crush on me.
During the dance, I had a raging boner the whole time. I couldn't help it. I was such a nerd.
At the end, I asked her out on another date.
She said no.

I doubt that your problems were because you had a boner; it's probably because of how nervous or ashamed you were acting about the boner. I think that's what freaked her out.
I remember Senior Prom: all my female friends wanted to slow dance with me, and they were all looking way better than I'd ever seen them before. Yeah, I had a boner, and I was proud of it. I was grinding it on them during the slow dances. Nobody moved back, nobody recoiled in shock, nobody got weird afterward.
Grindin' the bone: Feels good, man.

6 months ago I had a mental breakdown and ran the line of being psychotic. My room mate, who is the closest friend I've ever had, stuck by me through the whole ordeal even though I was the most horrible person to be around, even swinging for him when I was in a state.
Now after treatment I'm better, but my friend has suffered from the whole thing, and hes closed himself off emotionally from me to stop me from hurting him any more. I'm not sure we'll ever get back to the closeness we had before. I feel like a little bit of me dies inside every time I'm around him and I see he just doesnt know how to act. I love him so much for sticking by me through it all, but the price is this i guess
And thats why I'm sat alone on web at the moment, hes out to avoid me i guess
inb4 lolyousaidyouloveaguy

6 months ago I had a mental breakdown and ran the line of being psychotic. My room mate, who is the closest friend I've ever had, stuck by me through the whole ordeal even though I was the most horrible person to be around, even swinging for him when I was in a state.
Now after treatment I'm better, but my friend has suffered from the whole thing, and hes closed himself off emotionally from me to stop me from hurting him any more. I'm not sure we'll ever get back to the closeness we had before. I feel like a little bit of me dies inside every time I'm around him and I see he just doesnt know how to act. I love him so much for sticking by me through it all, but the price is this i guess
And thats why I'm sat alone on web at the moment, hes out to avoid me i guess
inb4 lolyousaidyouloveaguy

I should probably elaborate, I'd like to go back in time and get help sooner and not be the dick I was at the time

i'm not posting ITT because i'm currently seeing a shrink to deal with these kinds of thoughts that constantly nag and plague me every waking moment of every f**king day
seriously anons, dwelling on moments like this and being constantly self-critical will f**k you up
stop now
close the thread

too late, I am already too f**ked up
*keeps thread open to not feel alone*

I avoided everyone at school by being outside (during breaks and class in the cold and sh*t) and hiding in the library 3/4 years of high school. If I could go back in time I'd beat myself up and then threaten to do it again if I avoided everyone constantly again.

Oh god where do I start...
7th grade: I went to a stuck up prep school with hair length rules. I would grow my hair out and let it go straight over my face so you couldn't see my eyes. I would scrunch my forehead to make it look even longer. I was really into soad then too, now I see how much of a f**king fa**ot I was. I'm pretty sure everyone made fun if me
also, I refused to wear anything but beige khaki shorts and plain white t shirts. Probably because I had no self esteem at that time. Ahhh so awkward

My entire f**king 3rd-6th grade life.
I don't really wanna go into detail though.

I was 17, had the chance to f**k the hottest girl in school. She was drunk, I brought her home, invited me in, brought her to her bed and said goodnight. She wanted me to stay. I said no, had to go to work next morning.
Never had a chance to f**k a hot girl since that.

You guys all seem to be missing the fact that anon was apparently high school when Pokemon+YuGiOh rolled around (also goes a good way to explaining why he regrets it while most of us probably have no misgivings about our Pokemon years)

my assumption was that he's around my age (i was about 7 when pokemon rolled around) and continued to play pokemon and yugioh straight through to high school. that's just because it seems like a lot of people on anonymous still play pokemon.

In 6th grade, I began the first phases of weeaboo-ness: calling people baka, ending everyone's names with -san, pronouncing yaoi incorrectly (yay-oi). Luckily I stopped before the disease progressed any further and I have since regained control of myself but I would still go back and call myself a fa**ot if I could.
In 5th grade, one of my friends asked me what religion I was. I was pretty religiously uninformed back then and didn't knot the word "atheist", so I just said "Nothing." She asked me if that meant I was Mormon, and not knowing any better I said yes because I had never heard that word before either. I would slap both her and myself so hard.
In 6th grade, we were doing the Ancient Egypt unit for history and our teacher started teaching us about Moses, the plagues of Egypt, and the Exodus. Not knowing any better, I went along with it like it was perfectly normal. She even brought a Bible to class and read our history lesson out of it (public school, btw). At the time I was just like "Oh lol I know dis story, it's pretty kool." I hate myself so much for not calling her out on it and/or bringing it up with the principal. So. F**king. Much.