Sunday, September 26, 2010

Why don't I feel grief or sadness?

I guess I'm here for advice, once again.
A friend of mine, from childhood, died yesterday. Someone in a large truck ran a red light and slammed into his driver's side door. He died after six hours of surgery. I can remember playing with him on the playground, joking about girls in band class. I remember open the door one time and kicking him square in the nuts. He was the last person I had an eating contest with. He beat me.
The thing is I can remember all this stuff, but don't find myself emotionally shaken at all about his death. I'm not tense or upset about it. The thing is, I never am. When one of my best friends died, I consoled his family with a straight face. When my grandfather died, my more emotionally withdrawn family members were all bawling, but I, the one who traditionally has worn his heart on his sleeve, was straight-faced the whole time. The last time I got really upset when anyone died was when I was a child, when my godfather died. I looked to him as a father figure, and inherited many of his traits. When I was informed of his death, I cried for what I remember to be days. But since then, I have not been upset by anybody's death, even my close friends. My friend Drew died from a heart attack, and I did not cry. My friend Steven, who went to prom as "my date" to freak out the principals, died from a bad reaction to mixed prescription medicine, I didn't even quiver. Now a childhood friend of mine has died, and I feel...vacant of feeling. Like I'm supposed to be hurting, but I really just don't care.
Is there something wrong with me?




Nope.
If you were a woman, that would be unusual.
But you're a man, and boys don't cry.

either you're a sociopath or you're suppressing it. grief can and will manifest in other often strange ways. my grandfather died and I didn't shed a tear; two weeks later I got stuck watching Grey's Anatomy at my aunts and started bawling my f**king eyes out.

hey op sorry for your lose.
the fact of the matter is that everybody handles death differently. some weep for months while some just keep it all inside until years afterwards. my dad waited two years before he cried over my grandpa. everybody handles shock and death in their own way. I'm guessing that you are a very analytical person and always see things logically. to you death is something that is inevitable and you accept it. I actually applaud you for reaching this "enlightenment" of death. As long as your not hurting yourself over this whole thing i would guess that your doing just fine

While
either you're a sociopath or you're suppressing it. grief can and will manifest in other often strange ways. my grandfather died and I didn't shed a tear; two weeks later I got stuck watching Grey's Anatomy at my aunts and started bawling my f**king eyes out.
might be correct, there's no need to be worried of your reaction. Enjoy life.

either you're a sociopath or you're suppressing it. grief can and will manifest in other often strange ways. my grandfather died and I didn't shed a tear; two weeks later I got stuck watching Grey's Anatomy at my aunts and started bawling my f**king eyes out.

I'm definitely not a sociopath, as I feel incredibly strongly toward the living. It's just that when someone dies, well, why am I supposed to be sad? What's so bad about them being dead? Is it any different for me from them moving, or going someplace I will never see them again?
But definitely not a sociopath, and I don't think I'm repressing it. The sadness just isn't there.

hey op sorry for your lose.
the fact of the matter is that everybody handles death differently. some weep for months while some just keep it all inside until years afterwards. my dad waited two years before he cried over my grandpa. everybody handles shock and death in their own way. I'm guessing that you are a very analytical person and always see things logically. to you death is something that is inevitable and you accept it. I actually applaud you for reaching this "enlightenment" of death. As long as your not hurting yourself over this whole thing i would guess that your doing just fine

this, there are more people like you OP

I was JUST talking with my friend and he said that he didn't feel bad when he had to put his cat (quiet) to sleep and after the first few days it was good. But he said it was the small things that get to you. How his cat wouldn't be there when he got home or this or that.
It's the small things that get you.

I'd have to agree. I wouldn't give a sh*t if my family died BUT - if my mother died. I'd be all cool and what not but I'd cry if - I heard a sparrow singing outside because she always said I was like a sparrow, or the look of her eyes or how she always kept my close to God and to always do good in this selfish world.

>>I'm definitely not a sociopath, as I feel incredibly strongly toward the living. It's just that when someone dies, well, why am I supposed to be sad? What's so bad about them being dead? Is it any different for me from them moving, or going someplace I will never see them again?
But definitely not a sociopath, and I don't think I'm repressing it. The sadness just isn't there.
that's what repressing it does. everyone thinks that repressions is some great internal struggle and for some that's true but sometimes it's not something you're aware of much less have any control over. and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. your mind is probably just channeling the emotion elsewhere to be used at a later date.

People mourn in different ways, OP. I felt the same way when my mother died, even though I loved her very much.

it all depends on your emotional feelings for these people, OP. I had an Uncle and Great Aunt die a month apart, 2 months ago now. While I grieved for both, I didn't exactly fall into a puddle weeping. When my Grandmother was put in the hospital a week later I did get angry at The Fates and law of three, but no weeping. (Granny is better now, btw).
But I'll be damned if I don't have a zen understanding that when, not if, my father goes here in a few years I will be in that puddle. My mother will go... putting odds on a few years later, and I will be in the puddle again. Am I psychotic for not weeping for Uncle and Great Aunt? Or Granny? Hell no!
We all deal with grief differently. Right now you are only questioning if you are doing 'enough' grief. Trust me, the fact that you are asking that question means you are doing enough.

My grandma died about a year ago. I havent felt any grief at all for her. That always puzzled me.
I remember when i was a kid, and we had to put my dog to sleep. I was crying for hours and hours. I couldn't look that duxon in the eyes.
But i haven't noticed my mom displaying any grief about grandma either.
As for your eating contest, he won the battle, but since he died you would techically be victorious? /Tasteless joke
I imagine that i would be devestated if my mother or my brohter died. My brother is my only real friend and as things are right now i need my mother.
That reminds me, if she would croak, the first thing i would do after grieving would be to move in at my brothers house because i would be damned if was forced to live with my f**king father!

I found out yesterday that a classmate of mine died in Iraq last year. He and I weren't best buds, but we did get along, and I lent many a CD to him. He'd crack me up during class with some of the stupidest, random sh*t. He wasn't college material, but he was a good guy.
My mom was the one who cried when I told her. I ran into his little sister, we started talking, and my mom, who'd never even met the guy, started bawling. I've yet to shed a tear. And it's not because I didn't love him or miss him; I just tend to keep my emotions to myself.
OP, it's okay. As others have said, we all deal with grief differently. I wouldn't dwell on it too much.

I grew up with no one in my life. My parents died when I was 4. My last grandma died when I was 15. She's the one who took care of me. She raised me, and yet, I didn't feel a thing.
I met someone when I was 18, though. She was my first girlfriend. My first actual friend. I became attached to her. I feel like she gave me my life back. She broke up with me a year after. I cried for the first time in my life.
Maybe you just need something to trigger a turning-point in your life. Or something like that. I don't know.
Thanks for this thread, though.

Jesus Christ man I wouldn't want to be your friend.
F**king hell. It seems like anyone that is in any way associated with you is dying. You cursed, nigga.

Don't worry about it, OP.
Either that's just the way you react to grief, or perhaps it will just come along to you later.
Personally I had never gotten worked up over family members passing away (although I felt bad they died, of course).
The only time I truly cried was when my basset hound died in January. I was crying the whole day before she was put down, but then once she was gone if felt kind of relieving, since she wouldn't be in any pain anymore.
Even now I still tear up over it.

I guess I'm here for advice, once again.
A friend of mine, from childhood, died yesterday. Someone in a large truck ran a red light and slammed into his driver's side door. He died after six hours of surgery. I can remember playing with him on the playground, joking about girls in band class. I remember open the door one time and kicking him square in the nuts. He was the last person I had an eating contest with. He beat me.
The thing is I can remember all this stuff, but don't find myself emotionally shaken at all about his death. I'm not tense or upset about it. The thing is, I never am. When one of my best friends died, I consoled his family with a straight face. When my grandfather died, my more emotionally withdrawn family members were all bawling, but I, the one who traditionally has worn his heart on his sleeve, was straight-faced the whole time. The last time I got really upset when anyone died was when I was a child, when my godfather died. I looked to him as a father figure, and inherited many of his traits. When I was informed of his death, I cried for what I remember to be days. But since then, I have not been upset by anybody's death, even my close friends. My friend Drew died from a heart attack, and I did not cry. My friend Steven, who went to prom as "my date" to freak out the principals, died from a bad reaction to mixed prescription medicine, I didn't even quiver. Now a childhood friend of mine has died, and I feel...vacant of feeling. Like I'm supposed to be hurting, but I really just don't care.
Is there something wrong with me?

this happened to me too, it might not have hit you yet. I remember when my friend was murdered i was kind of indifferent for 3 days, but then on the 3rd day i was hysterical you might just not be ready to let out all of your emotions

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