Thursday, September 16, 2010

I didn't really change

About 5 years ago, when I was in 7th grade, we had the task to write and send our self a letter which we were supposed to receive before we graduated high school (I'm 18, don't start that underage high school nonsense). I never really forgot about writing that letter, but the contents of it were a mystery to me.
I would have opened it regardless of the day, but I thought it was pretty ironic that it should arrive today. So semi-eagerly, I opened and read it. Here are a few points that really stuck out to me and a few that could make you anons chuckle:
-On the headlines everywhere are news about the presidential debate. John Kerry against George Bush. By now, the president is out of ofice and somebody else is in. Let's just hope that Kerry wins.Remember, Bush is and ALWAYS will be an idiot.
-The weather is terrible right at the moment and is not showing any sign of stopping. Hopefully it is good now.
-At the moment, Ihave glasses, but now you (or I) should have contacts
-Conan 'O Brian is going to take over as the lat night host for the retiring Jay Leno. At this time he might be off with retirement
cont.




> thought it was pretty ironic that it should arrive today
Don't say that and then not explain it, you douche.

> thought it was pretty ironic that it should arrive today
Don't say that and then not explain it, you douche.

lT'S LIKE RAI-AI-AIN
ON YOUR WEDDING DAY

I want to write a letter to myself now, but open it in ten years or so.

I would go on, but most of the other ones hit me on more of a personal level than anything else. But I guess the point of me writing this is out is that I was shocked at how little I've changed. I still have glasses after failing miserably to get contacts, the weather around this area has been sh*tty and one of the unmentioned points spoke about, really kind of implored me, to get into a good college - I'm not.
I had always had pride in the fact that "I'm not the same person I was all those years ago." Back then I was this fat, smelly, unappealing loner who barley spoke to anyone, but I always looked back on those days with a mixed feeling of embarrassment and relief towards the fact that I MUST have changed in only five years. Evidently not.
And now I worry that I'll never change. I hate myself and who I was back then, and before I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when I began settling down in my later years, but now I have to imagine that it's pretty similar to what I am now, which frankly scares and disheartens me.
So I ask everyone on here, particular you aged anons, how much have you "changed" since your high school graduation/awkward pre-teen years?

I would go on, but most of the other ones hit me on more of a personal level than anything else. But I guess the point of me writing this is out is that I was shocked at how little I've changed. I still have glasses after failing miserably to get contacts, the weather around this area has been sh*tty and one of the unmentioned points spoke about, really kind of implored me, to get into a good college - I'm not.
I had always had pride in the fact that "I'm not the same person I was all those years ago." Back then I was this fat, smelly, unappealing loner who barley spoke to anyone, but I always looked back on those days with a mixed feeling of embarrassment and relief towards the fact that I MUST have changed in only five years. Evidently not.
And now I worry that I'll never change. I hate myself and who I was back then, and before I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when I began settling down in my later years, but now I have to imagine that it's pretty similar to what I am now, which frankly scares and disheartens me.
So I ask everyone on here, particular you aged anons, how much have you "changed" since your high school graduation/awkward pre-teen years?

>barley spoke
All you need now is hops, sugar and water

I would go on, but most of the other ones hit me on more of a personal level than anything else. But I guess the point of me writing this is out is that I was shocked at how little I've changed. I still have glasses after failing miserably to get contacts, the weather around this area has been sh*tty and one of the unmentioned points spoke about, really kind of implored me, to get into a good college - I'm not.
I had always had pride in the fact that "I'm not the same person I was all those years ago." Back then I was this fat, smelly, unappealing loner who barley spoke to anyone, but I always looked back on those days with a mixed feeling of embarrassment and relief towards the fact that I MUST have changed in only five years. Evidently not.
And now I worry that I'll never change. I hate myself and who I was back then, and before I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when I began settling down in my later years, but now I have to imagine that it's pretty similar to what I am now, which frankly scares and disheartens me.
So I ask everyone on here, particular you aged anons, how much have you "changed" since your high school graduation/awkward pre-teen years?

You can't change in a fundamental level. It's just not possible without going insane and building yourself from the ground up. Learn to love who you are.

I did this sh*t in the 7th grade too, going to get mine in like a month, there's a bunch of other sh*t in there too, so f**king pumped


>barley spoke
All you need now is hops, sugar and water

You made me giggle :3

The hell OP? That stuff happened only the other day. You kids these days!

> thought it was pretty ironic that it should arrive today
Don't say that and then not explain it, you douche.

I'm sorry, I didn't want to mention it out of fear that I'd be slammed for my high school problems. But because you insist...
I had a miserable day today. I normally don't let things get to me, but of late, I've been despising everyone I know for treating me the way they do. I was supposed to hang out with a close friend of mine tomorrow/practice for a small gig in the upcoming weeks. However, unsurprisingly, she forgot all about our arrangement and attempted to underplay the fact that she forgot. It was then I started to realize that nobody really takes me seriously, or listens to anything I say with the slightest bit of respect.
Yeah, I know these are livejournal-esque problems, but eventually, my typical teenage self rears it's ugly, existential head.
Also, if anyone wants me to write out the remaining points, I'll oblige.


You can't change in a fundamental level. It's just not possible without going insane and building yourself from the ground up. Learn to love who you are.

I like some aspects of me, but a lot of other people don't. Maybe it's shallow, but I've always tried to be the best person I can be for everyone else, and of late, I realize it's never been enough.

I would go on, but most of the other ones hit me on more of a personal level than anything else. But I guess the point of me writing this is out is that I was shocked at how little I've changed. I still have glasses after failing miserably to get contacts, the weather around this area has been sh*tty and one of the unmentioned points spoke about, really kind of implored me, to get into a good college - I'm not.
I had always had pride in the fact that "I'm not the same person I was all those years ago." Back then I was this fat, smelly, unappealing loner who barley spoke to anyone, but I always looked back on those days with a mixed feeling of embarrassment and relief towards the fact that I MUST have changed in only five years. Evidently not.
And now I worry that I'll never change. I hate myself and who I was back then, and before I couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like when I began settling down in my later years, but now I have to imagine that it's pretty similar to what I am now, which frankly scares and disheartens me.
So I ask everyone on here, particular you aged anons, how much have you "changed" since your high school graduation/awkward pre-teen years?

I have changed tremendously. Words cannot describe, but I'll try.
I used to be a little bit overweight when I was in high school. Not too much, but it made me insecure anyhow. I did have friends, but never belonged to the cooler gangs in school. It didn't really matter for me either.
I wanted girls, the girls did not want me. Or at least, that's what I assumed. I never bothered trying with anyone. I knew I would get rejected and laughed at.
Graduation day came, I remained the same person. Got into university. Met new people. Then I met a girl who turned my life around. Or rather, she enabled me to turn my life around myself.
She fell in love with me, I fell in love with her. Yes, in that order. We got into a relationship, but insecure as I was, I could not believe that she fell for me. She was pretty and smart. I felt I did not deserve her love, but I wanted to deserve it. God, I wanted to deserve her.
So, when summer break came, I stopped eating. I remember staying at her house the entire summer, so it was pretty easy. One sandwich in the morning, one meal at noon and one sandwich in the evening. Three liters of water a day. After one month, I had lost 10 kg, weighing 70kg, which made me look perfect.
My gf didn't admit it at first, but she loved me for it.
Alas, our relationship ended in November that year. I was 20 by that time. She said she couldn't love me anymore.
cont.


I have changed tremendously. Words cannot describe, but I'll try.
I used to be a little bit overweight when I was in high school. Not too much, but it made me insecure anyhow. I did have friends, but never belonged to the cooler gangs in school. It didn't really matter for me either.
I wanted girls, the girls did not want me. Or at least, that's what I assumed. I never bothered trying with anyone. I knew I would get rejected and laughed at.
Graduation day came, I remained the same person. Got into university. Met new people. Then I met a girl who turned my life around. Or rather, she enabled me to turn my life around myself.
She fell in love with me, I fell in love with her. Yes, in that order. We got into a relationship, but insecure as I was, I could not believe that she fell for me. She was pretty and smart. I felt I did not deserve her love, but I wanted to deserve it. God, I wanted to deserve her.
So, when summer break came, I stopped eating. I remember staying at her house the entire summer, so it was pretty easy. One sandwich in the morning, one meal at noon and one sandwich in the evening. Three liters of water a day. After one month, I had lost 10 kg, weighing 70kg, which made me look perfect.
My gf didn't admit it at first, but she loved me for it.
Alas, our relationship ended in November that year. I was 20 by that time. She said she couldn't love me anymore.
cont.

Sad and angered, I started going to pubs every night. To my own surprise, women seemed to dig me. Yes, I was successful. I had never known what it was like to be successful, so I just started sleeping with a lot of different girls.
My life was great. I got confident and shook off the old shy me. I felt that I had finally become the real me. I stopped f**king random chicks and focused on my studies. Never got into a serious relationship again, until now.
5 months ago, I met the love of my life. I've felt love before, but it was nothing like what I feel now. I'm truly happy now.
So trust me OP, you too can change.
(also, I'd like you to write out the remaining parts. I recognize myself in you :3 )

I'm 24 right now. I remained the same person from when I was a young child until last Christmas. I have probably changed more in the last four months than I have my entire life combined...
To tl;dr this up as much as I can most people never really change. They are capable of becoming anything but most people are nearly the same when they wake up on their 16th birthday as they are on their deathbeds at 80. A big part of why this happens is because we live in a society that takes pride in its consistency, and change is associated with pain. It's often not true, but that's how most people see it.
What it really takes for most people to change is a near-death experience. What it took for me was for my mom to be placed in a mental institution and eventually be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. After this I re-evaluated my own life and realized that she really did a lot of hurtful things to me, but that I didn't really need to be affected by that anymore. So, in a flash, I transformed into a better person, and it felt really good. I have become way more approchable, have made way more friends, gotten better job opportunities than before, etc. than ever before.

I'm 24 right now. I remained the same person from when I was a young child until last Christmas. I have probably changed more in the last four months than I have my entire life combined...
To tl;dr this up as much as I can most people never really change. They are capable of becoming anything but most people are nearly the same when they wake up on their 16th birthday as they are on their deathbeds at 80. A big part of why this happens is because we live in a society that takes pride in its consistency, and change is associated with pain. It's often not true, but that's how most people see it.
What it really takes for most people to change is a near-death experience. What it took for me was for my mom to be placed in a mental institution and eventually be diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. After this I re-evaluated my own life and realized that she really did a lot of hurtful things to me, but that I didn't really need to be affected by that anymore. So, in a flash, I transformed into a better person, and it felt really good. I have become way more approchable, have made way more friends, gotten better job opportunities than before, etc. than ever before.

Last weekend I was with my boyfriend, and we were making love. I had heard from his friend that he was considering asking me to marry him, but neither of us had yet to really bring it up. When I was younger because of the way my parents treated me I was really afraid to get married. I used to kind of have feeling that one foot is out of the door in preparation to run in case something terrible happened... I dated a guy for five years at one point and I ended the relationship because he wanted to marry me. I was that afraid of commitment... But no longer. I finished almost at the same time and collapsed onto the bed in a heap. I pressed his head into my chest and began to stroke his hair, and after a moment he said, "Please, whatever you do, don't ever change," and I said, "Everyone changes a little bit every day... But you know, I am going to try my best to be the best version of me that I can be for you." He clutched onto me really hard after that.
I don't really expect to change that much from now on (because I really like myself. I'm athletic, creative, make tons of money, have several talents, tons of friends, etc) but to be emotionally refined more and more over time from this point on, and maybe that's what you should expect too, OP. You probably really are great just the way you are... Just know that if you want to change you really can pretty much instantly just by deciding to do so.


Last weekend I was with my boyfriend, and we were making love. I had heard from his friend that he was considering asking me to marry him, but neither of us had yet to really bring it up. When I was younger because of the way my parents treated me I was really afraid to get married. I used to kind of have feeling that one foot is out of the door in preparation to run in case something terrible happened... I dated a guy for five years at one point and I ended the relationship because he wanted to marry me. I was that afraid of commitment... But no longer. I finished almost at the same time and collapsed onto the bed in a heap. I pressed his head into my chest and began to stroke his hair, and after a moment he said, "Please, whatever you do, don't ever change," and I said, "Everyone changes a little bit every day... But you know, I am going to try my best to be the best version of me that I can be for you." He clutched onto me really hard after that.
I don't really expect to change that much from now on (because I really like myself. I'm athletic, creative, make tons of money, have several talents, tons of friends, etc) but to be emotionally refined more and more over time from this point on, and maybe that's what you should expect too, OP. You probably really are great just the way you are... Just know that if you want to change you really can pretty much instantly just by deciding to do so.

>Just know that if you want to change you really can pretty much instantly just by deciding to do so.
But I thought I did do that. I'm no longer overweight, smelly, or a loner (or that much of one), but it seems the "core" of me is still the same after years of believing that it wasn't.
I want to change, I really do, but I don't think I'm able to just that easily.


>Just know that if you want to change you really can pretty much instantly just by deciding to do so.
But I thought I did do that. I'm no longer overweight, smelly, or a loner (or that much of one), but it seems the "core" of me is still the same after years of believing that it wasn't.
I want to change, I really do, but I don't think I'm able to just that easily.

Well, your core will always be the same. You cannot change the way you are. However, you can learn about yourself, and cultivate your positive traits and try to suppress the things that you don't like.
I used to be a know-it-all. People hated me for it, but I was too dumb to realise. I stopped correcting people once I became aware of this, and now people like me.

No comments:

Post a Comment