>They ask me to tell them about myself
>..............
l2smalltalk
say you are mature, hardworking, and learn easily.
You are flexible, punctual, and professional.
lol
Yeah, you should see the first paragraph of my CV.
I'm an intelligent, well presented and organized individual with a comprehensive skill set, underpinned by work experience in environments demanding excellent communication skills and self motivation.
It's basically a contest about who can lie the most
say you are mature, hardworking, and learn easily.
I'm pretty sure when they ask this they want to know about your personality rather than business competencies.
Say you like movies, the local sports team and when you're older you want to travel.
if you're at a job interview and you don't know how to answer that question, you are a whole lot of negatives that i won't elaborate upon because it would be tedious to do so
>have job interview
>they ask me to tell them about myself
>realize i am a raccoon
>eat all their biscuits
>leave a mess
>return with 10 of my brethren
>What are your hobbies
WELL WHERE SHOULD I START?
I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. THAT'S IT. I SPEND ALL MY WELFARE ON THEM. IF I GET THIS JOB, I'LL USE THE MONEY TO GET MORE VIDEO GAMES.
PLEASE HIRE ME.
>What are your hobbies
WELL WHERE SHOULD I START?
I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. THAT'S IT. I SPEND ALL MY WELFARE ON THEM. IF I GET THIS JOB, I'LL USE THE MONEY TO GET MORE VIDEO GAMES.
PLEASE HIRE ME.
This, but wasting time on web instead.
>have job interview
>they ask me to tell them about myself
>tell the truth, as I see it
>they are extremely impressed with my sincerity and articulation
>hire me on the spot
The sensation is pleasing, friend
>where do you see yourself in 5 years
>...
I honestly have no plan whatsoever. If they said 5 months instead of 5 years I'd have a vague idea, a concept of what I'd be doing... but other than that. No.
>What are your hobbies
WELL WHERE SHOULD I START?
I PLAY VIDEO GAMES. THAT'S IT. I SPEND ALL MY WELFARE ON THEM. IF I GET THIS JOB, I'LL USE THE MONEY TO GET MORE VIDEO GAMES.
PLEASE HIRE ME.
;alsjbgh
welp, i giggled.
>where do you see yourself in 5 years
>...
I honestly have no plan whatsoever. If they said 5 months instead of 5 years I'd have a vague idea, a concept of what I'd be doing... but other than that. No.
"Where you are right now."
>Get interview
>Speak to polish person while waiting outside the interviewers office
>He can't speak any English
>He gets the job
F**KING POLISH PEOPLE. F**KING EQUALITY IN THE WORK PLACE. F**KING ANTI-DISCRIMINATION FOR THE SAKE OF IT.
>Get interview
>Speak to polish person while waiting outside the interviewers office
>He can't speak any English
>He gets the job
F**KING POLISH PEOPLE. F**KING EQUALITY IN THE WORK PLACE. F**KING ANTI-DISCRIMINATION FOR THE SAKE OF IT.
Were you applying to be a builder or something?
>coolface.jpg
>Get interview
>Speak to polish person while waiting outside the interviewers office
>He can't speak any English
>He gets the job
F**KING POLISH PEOPLE. F**KING EQUALITY IN THE WORK PLACE. F**KING ANTI-DISCRIMINATION FOR THE SAKE OF IT.
He probably works for a fraction you work for, so yeah.
>Get interview
>Speak to polish person while waiting outside the interviewers office
>He can't speak any English
>He gets the job
F**KING POLISH PEOPLE. F**KING EQUALITY IN THE WORK PLACE. F**KING ANTI-DISCRIMINATION FOR THE SAKE OF IT.
From my experience Polish workers work harder, then again British people are lazy.
Were you applying to be a builder or something?
>coolface.jpg
at least he's not a fa**ot. like you.
>have job interview
>they ask me to tell them about myself
>tell the truth, as I see it
>they are extremely impressed with my sincerity and articulation
>hire me on the spot
The sensation is pleasing, friend
Man, that feeling is the best. No suspense, no worry, no waiting for that call back. You're so awesome, they didn't have to give it a second thought.
>Job interview
>"What are your hobbies and interests?"
>"Hiking, bicycling, swimming, politics"
>Real interests: Homebrewing beer and porn
>Hired
Feels good man
>where do you see yourself in 5 years
>...
I honestly have no plan whatsoever. If they said 5 months instead of 5 years I'd have a vague idea, a concept of what I'd be doing... but other than that. No.
"Celebrating the 5 year anniversary of you asking me this question!"
>Get interview
>don't get the job because I don't have a facebook for employers to spy on.
My jacking off habits are my own business, f**kers.
>Have job interview
>They ask me to tell them about myself
Me: well I like have a lot of computer related hobbies such as hum, yea you know
Boss: So you spend a lot of time in front of a pc
Me: All day long actually
Hired as programmer.
>F**k yeah
As the first question? .. then discuss your background and professional accomplishments .. not quite like reading off your resume, but just a quick once-over about what your strengths are and who you've worked for.
If it's a "personal" question (usually asked later in interview) .. then discuss hobbies and clubs you're involved in, being careful to avoid any that could be cause for discrimination (don't say something like "I'm very involved at my mosque"). This is where you say "well, in my free time, I enjoy tennis, tinkering with cars, etc".
If you have a family, you can mention it in this context, but it's generally best to avoid that as well, unless you see a picture in the interviewer's office and share a similar thing (like his kid plays soccer, so does yours .. then you say you spend time at junior's soccer games).
>where do you see yourself in 5 years
>...
I honestly have no plan whatsoever. If they said 5 months instead of 5 years I'd have a vague idea, a concept of what I'd be doing... but other than that. No.
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS
christ, what the f**k do people expect out of this question? i don't know that! answering will only create a false sense of direction or a gleaming shimmer of hope, any of which will quickly drown in the several thousand possible things that can go wrong in life! isn't it my business anyway? what does me in 5 years have to do with what kind of job i'll do for you?
Okay .. not to thread hijack .. but here's the strangest interview question I've ever been asked :
"If you could be any ingredient on a pizza, which would you choose and why?".
(I actually did understand the underlying psychological basis for the question, so I through him a loop and said "pineapple .. because people are always surprised to see that on a pizza".).
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS
christ, what the f**k do people expect out of this question? i don't know that! answering will only create a false sense of direction or a gleaming shimmer of hope, any of which will quickly drown in the several thousand possible things that can go wrong in life! isn't it my business anyway? what does me in 5 years have to do with what kind of job i'll do for you?
I always retort "well, it's hard to say what I'll be having for breakfast in the morning, much less answer that".
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS
christ, what the f**k do people expect out of this question? i don't know that! answering will only create a false sense of direction or a gleaming shimmer of hope, any of which will quickly drown in the several thousand possible things that can go wrong in life! isn't it my business anyway? what does me in 5 years have to do with what kind of job i'll do for you?
Most companies want to hire someone who is (a) ambitious and (b) desires to stay with them for a long time. The proper answer (unless you're interviewing at McDonalds or something equally sh*t) would be "In five years, I'd really like to be working as (position one or two tiers higher than the one you're interviewing for) with your company." This shows loyalty their company and also implies that you're looking to prove and adviceance yourself.
TTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSS
christ, what the f**k do people expect out of this question? i don't know that! answering will only create a false sense of direction or a gleaming shimmer of hope, any of which will quickly drown in the several thousand possible things that can go wrong in life! isn't it my business anyway? what does me in 5 years have to do with what kind of job i'll do for you?
5 years? .. I'd imagine I'll probably be where you're sitting. Is that a comfy chair?
>Get job interview
>Act like guy in trainspotting
>receive job
I always retort "well, it's hard to say what I'll be having for breakfast in the morning, much less answer that".
Sure is assburgers in this thread, eh guys?
My favorite thing is when they ask sh*t like, "No customers are coming in and your supervisor is out. What do you do in the meantime?"
Obviously everyone will just f**k around and waste time, but...do they expect everyone to say that? If you DON'T say that, you're lying. So...? Would they be more pleased if you lied and said you would keep busy, or tell the truth and say you would slack off?
Uhm okey guys n girls that "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"-question is supposed to be answered with the assumption that you receive the job.
So easy mode answer: Im happily doing xxx at your company. (you see yourself still working with what your applying for)
Medium mode: I see myself as middle management at your company
Medium mode: I see my self being able to fulfill alot of different roles at your company since ive learned how to do xxx and yyy.
God mode: I see myself in bed with your doughter, cue put on shades turn on CSI:Miam intro music... walk away.
inb4 (or after) jmv
heh, jmv
I don't have that problem. I always get rejected before they even interview me.
Uhm okey guys n girls that "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"-question is supposed to be answered with the assumption that you receive the job.
So easy mode answer: Im happily doing xxx at your company. (you see yourself still working with what your applying for)
Medium mode: I see myself as middle management at your company
Medium mode: I see my self being able to fulfill alot of different roles at your company since ive learned how to do xxx and yyy.
God mode: I see myself in bed with your doughter, cue put on shades turn on CSI:Miam intro music... walk away.
Most companies want to hire someone who is (a) ambitious and (b) desires to stay with them for a long time. The proper answer (unless you're interviewing at McDonalds or something equally sh*t) would be "In five years, I'd really like to be working as (position one or two tiers higher than the one you're interviewing for) with your company." This shows loyalty their company and also implies that you're looking to prove and adviceance yourself.
no one will ever hire a kiss-ass. i believe the two of you are idiots.
>Job interview
>"What are your hobbies and interests?"
>"Hiking, bicycling, swimming, politics"
>Real interests: Homebrewing beer and porn
>Hired
Feels good man
home brewing beer? why aren't you making your own business or at least seeking to work with a brewery. That could be epic. Especially if you're brewing real ales
My favorite thing is when they ask sh*t like, "No customers are coming in and your supervisor is out. What do you do in the meantime?"
Obviously everyone will just f**k around and waste time, but...do they expect everyone to say that? If you DON'T say that, you're lying. So...? Would they be more pleased if you lied and said you would keep busy, or tell the truth and say you would slack off?
You do not understand the code language of middle management. Kiss a little ass and you get far. DEAL WITH IT.
>have job interview
>they ask me to tell them about myself
>tell the truth, as I see it
>they are extremely impressed with my sincerity and articulation
>hire me on the spot
The sensation is pleasing, friend
What the f**k did you say? In your exact words.
The answer has little to do with the job, for example if you have a family (LOL NOT) you can say that you plan on supporting your family, mortgage payments, enjoy hobbies and enjoy life.
PRO TIP
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW
NOT WHO YOU KNOW
But who you blow.
PRO TIP
IT'S NOT WHAT YOU KNOW
NOT WHO YOU KNOW
But who you blow.
Any women in high positions in companies have sucked someone off to get there.
You do not understand the code language of middle management. Kiss a little ass and you get far. DEAL WITH IT.
This. I spent a year working in an office and I noticed the ass kissers were always the ones most likely to get a promotion, even if they were far from the best at their job.
Talk about the sh*t you do here. Awesome.
Okay .. not to thread hijack .. but here's the strangest interview question I've ever been asked :
"If you could be any ingredient on a pizza, which would you choose and why?".
(I actually did understand the underlying psychological basis for the question, so I through him a loop and said "pineapple .. because people are always surprised to see that on a pizza".).
No one's surprised to see pineapple.
you should have said fried egg.
Where I've worked, the most liked people were likely to get a promotion. If your colleagues liked you, the middle management was pretty much obliged to promote you. So be friends with everybody and you'll be promoted. And then you'll have to make friends all over again.
>where do you see yourself in 5 years
>...
I honestly have no plan whatsoever. If they said 5 months instead of 5 years I'd have a vague idea, a concept of what I'd be doing... but other than that. No.
Dammit, I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 5, 10, or 15 years. How the f**k should I know? The next 30 minutes is hard enough to plan for.
Best tip for job interviews: eye contact.
No one's surprised to see pineapple.
you should have said fried egg.
This. Puting pineapple on a pizza isn't surprising at all. It just makes you look like a piece of sh*t that enjoys pineapple on pizza. F**king c**ts.
Dammit, I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 5, 10, or 15 years. How the f**k should I know? The next 30 minutes is hard enough to plan for.
You could allways say, watching terminator 5 or something like that.
An interview is all about how well you can verbally suck dick, without making it obvious enough to be awkward. It's a balancing act.
Best tip for job interviews: eye contact.
I've always won staring contests and often engage in a lot of staring without realizing it, so I am always very paranoid that I don't stare. First job interview I ever had I was just blankly staring at him while answering the questions.
I've always won staring contests and often engage in a lot of staring without realizing it, so I am always very paranoid that I don't stare. First job interview I ever had I was just blankly staring at him while answering the questions.
i'm the opposite. I never look into anyone's eyes when I talk to them for some reason. At best I can only glance at them for a fraction of a second before looking away again. I'm always aware of it when talking to someone, and it always makes me feel really f**king awkward.
In my first job interview I spent the whole time consciously forcing myself to look the interviewer in the eye for a while, but not quite staring the whole time. Managed to get the job. I was pretty surprised actually, because I was sure I would end up looking f**king odd.
Why is eye contact that important anyway? I mean not just in interviews.
I can talk to people just fine, I don't sit there as still as a statue.
I've tried eye contact but I shift my eyes away after a few seconds. I stare down my cat at home to practice. I always win and apparently if I win a staring contest with a cat it shows I'm the boss around here.
i'm the opposite. I never look into anyone's eyes when I talk to them for some reason. At best I can only glance at them for a fraction of a second before looking away again. I'm always aware of it when talking to someone, and it always makes me feel really f**king awkward.
In my first job interview I spent the whole time consciously forcing myself to look the interviewer in the eye for a while, but not quite staring the whole time. Managed to get the job. I was pretty surprised actually, because I was sure I would end up looking f**king odd.
Ha, yeah, I feel really f**king awkward with eye contact as well. How do we improve? It never used to be a problem for me until I started consciously started thinking about my eyes and where they're looking at any given time.
Best tip for job interviews: eye contact.
how do you know you are staring at them way too long though? I FORCE myself to keep my eyes up to the point where I start to feel tired, so I don't know if I should be moving them to the side or whatever.
"Where you are right now."
Even that one is tricky most of the time.
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