Everything I say is a lie. I've been lying for so long about so many things that I can't keep it all straight. The lines between the personae have become so blurry. I can't even remember what's true and what isn't. I don't know which memories and thoughts are real, which are lies based on the truth that I've made to fit with my public face, and which are outright fabrications. I've kept it up for almost four years now. Or has it been six? Maybe just one? I honestly can't remember. Everything prior to about a year ago has become blurry.
(cont.)
Whichever one is the real me, it can't take it anymore. Having to put up the facade is too much. I can't leave the house for more than a walk down the street without almost breaking. Panic attacks, during which the whole world comes alive and stares at me from every angle with a consciousness full of malevolence. Overwhelming depression, so bad it becomes difficult not to hurl myself into traffic. Fits of hallucinations, visions from God that make me start singing and giggling like a mad man. During all of this, the voices get louder and louder, until I can't even hear myself think. Countless copies of my own internal voice, or conscience, or whatever you want to call it, shouting at me. I have no control over them.
It was all manageable up until a month or two ago. I got in over my head at school and found out I really have no idea how to be a student. What can I say? I hadn't picked up a text book since the 8th grade. Even before I was pulled out, I had coasted through without ever having to study just fine. Last semester was the first time in my life I had ever taken notes. Everything spiraled out of control after a break down I had over not being able to do any homework, I'd sit there at my desk with my books open, just staring at them, lost in my own little world. Five hours later, I'm ready to go to sleep and I haven't even picked up my pencil. It was all horribly pathetic and sad, but that's how it is. I have no future.
The thing is, I don't want a future. Every time anyone has ever asked me what I want to do with my life, I've had to lie out my teeth. I don't want anything. I don't want to want. After I was pulled out of school, I was more or less left alone. My mother delivered my food to my door and that was it. I didn't leave my room for months on end, and didn't leave the house for years. During that time, I began to deconstruct my little reality. First I stopped having opinions. My opinions are inherently flawed due to the limitations on my human brain, I thought. I could never be truly correct about anything, never know anything to be 100% true. I didn't like that. I liked to be correct, to know what I was talking about and be confident that what I was saying was based on sound facts and logic. But how could I ever be sure of anything, knowing how tiny and limited my understanding is? I decided, if I could never truly know anything, I could never have a truly informed opinion. And so I wouldn't have any at all.
You going to end it all, OP?
After that, I stopped feeling. Why bother? It didn't matter, I could never know if they were real, I thought. I purged myself first of anger, then sadness, then everything else. I stopped caring about anything. I didn't even care whether I ate or not. I stopped eating except when offered food. I lost weight, started having dizzy spells, and began to have trouble eating anything except raw fruits and vegetables. I'd spend hours lying in bed or in a chair, staring at the ceiling, simply existing. Barely a thought in my head
Finally, I figured if my emotions weren't real, than what about the rest of me? I didn't have any feelings or opinions, so all that left was my body and my mind. Since I couldn't just will myself out of existence, I'd do the next best thing: become a vegetable. I tried as hard as I could to stop thinking. I got damn close too. I almost managed to completely eliminate any trace of consciousness in my mind: My thoughts, sense of self, my everything.
Then, JUST before I managed to effectively stop existing, my little world came crashing down around me. No more meals delivered to my door, no more endless days to spend slowly killing myself piece by piece. I had to go outside now, I had to talk to people and do things. The entire concept of doing things, of action, had become foreign to me. Being out there in all that chaos was extremely traumatic, and to be honest it still is. It hasn't actually gotten any easier, I've just gotten better at lying to myself that it has. But I'm not really fooling myself. I still don't actually have any opinions, and the only feelings I've gotten back are fear and misery. I can only pretend to care because I've memorized a script I mad up by mimicking those around me who do. They're not my words though, and when I speak them all I hear is their voices, not mine. I barely even have a voice.
At least I'll be able to die in the one place I could go to to escape it all, my dreams. That's where I always felt I belonged anyway. The real world is too difficult. I fully admit my own weakness. It's pathetic, but merely existing is too much for me to handle.
It shouldn't take long. One 200mg tablet was enough to put me to sleep for almost two days straight. I have seven 300mg tablets, more than enough for however long it takes me to starve to death. I would have preferred potassium cyanide or helium, but this will do. The other two require far too much effort to get, not to mention it would be conspicuous. Can't have anyone knowing the truth. That's the whole problem right there.
oh boohoo.
If life really is as meningless as you say, I guess that means it's all a big joke - which means you can either laugh about it and have a good time while it lasts, or be a little bitch.
Guess we know which one you picked.
HAHA I am used to this after 20 years. Push on regardless, OP
I write this now because I'm feeling relatively lucid and I thought I may as well. I figured I may as well get my thoughts down before I slip into a mood and start ranting and raving like a man possessed, or become paralyzed with fear and can't do anything at all. The only reason I'm posting it here specifically is because it's the only place I can without them knowing. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm forcing it all on you anonymous, I don't expect you to care. I don't expect you to listen. I just needed a blank on which for the first time ever I could tell the truth as I can see it with my half-dead eyes.
I can tell I'm not going to be able to keep making sense for much longer. I'm already slipping into needlessly flowery language. I'll spare you any worse. Sorry for any blatant spelling or grammatical errors or if I'm not making any sense at all, I've been up all night and am rather tired.
Life is not for everyone. Hope the suicide goes well if that's what you decide.
I write this now because I'm feeling relatively lucid and I thought I may as well. I figured I may as well get my thoughts down before I slip into a mood and start ranting and raving like a man possessed, or become paralyzed with fear and can't do anything at all. The only reason I'm posting it here specifically is because it's the only place I can without them knowing. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm forcing it all on you anonymous, I don't expect you to care. I don't expect you to listen. I just needed a blank on which for the first time ever I could tell the truth as I can see it with my half-dead eyes.
I can tell I'm not going to be able to keep making sense for much longer. I'm already slipping into needlessly flowery language. I'll spare you any worse. Sorry for any blatant spelling or grammatical errors or if I'm not making any sense at all, I've been up all night and am rather tired.
When I was in the situation of OP, I contemplated death. I had everything planned and all the tools. After some consideration I came to the conclusion that I do not know for sure what happens in death. If not utter blackness it could potentially be even worse than now. I decided instead to act as if I were dead. So to say, I took my entire persona, my worries my fears my hopes and my dreams and threw it all away. I threw my friends away as my foes. I chose to move somewhere else and be a completely different person. If all failed with a new persona, I could end my life anyway, but at least this way part of it was in my control. There is only once question I would ask? Is the uncertainty of death really worth the potential outcomes?
Life is not for everyone. Hope the suicide goes well if that's what you decide.
Just took the first pill.
Sorry if I wasn't very entertaining anon. If it means anything, I said what I needed to.
try antidepressants op, you'll be amazed at how clear and focused your thinking becomes.
Just took the first pill.
Sorry if I wasn't very entertaining anon. If it means anything, I said what I needed to.
Why not give yourself to someone instead? Make them happy, dedicate your life to them, regardless of what you feel. Give them happieness and cease to exist for yourself, only them.
Natural selection for the win!!
OP obviously doesn't have what it takes to be a productive member of the species, so f**k him.
Hopefully your suicide is very long and painful, OP. As you agonizingly wait for it to be over, I hope your last thoughts concern what a complete and utter failure you were. You had only one chance at life and you f**king blew it.
F**k you and good riddance.
try antidepressants op, you'll be amazed at how clear and focused your thinking becomes.
I couldn't get them without coming up with a way to convince my psychiatrist I need them whilst still in my public persona. It's too much effort to bother. Maybe if I had tried a few months ago, but not after all this. Call me lazy, but after awhile living this kind of lie gets old.
I couldn't get them without coming up with a way to convince my psychiatrist I need them whilst still in my public persona. It's too much effort to bother. Maybe if I had tried a few months ago, but not after all this. Call me lazy, but after awhile living this kind of lie gets old.
Mentioning your current state of mind should be all it needs to get them, really. They're pretty quick to catch on to a false persona if one hints at the real, underlying one.
Why not give yourself to someone instead? Make them happy, dedicate your life to them, regardless of what you feel. Give them happieness and cease to exist for yourself, only them.
Because I don't care. I can't read their mind, so how could I even know if I was truly making them happy?
Natural selection for the win!!
OP obviously doesn't have what it takes to be a productive member of the species, so f**k him.
Hopefully your suicide is very long and painful, OP. As you agonizingly wait for it to be over, I hope your last thoughts concern what a complete and utter failure you were. You had only one chance at life and you f**king blew it.
F**k you and good riddance.
Exactly. I am unfit for society and too weak to survive on my own out in nature, so not only am I sparing myself from having to go through another day of this, but I'm also sparing everyone else from having to deal with me any longer. Win-win solution.
well op, that's the most coherent suicide note i've ever read and the detail of your descent into madness is reminiscent of Kafka
cheers
also; you should ask jesus to rescue you from your evil deeds, before you totally kark it, so that you will wake up in heaven
hopefully see you in heaven
bai
Now that's a wall of text. tl;dr, maybe next time, OP.
Mentioning your current state of mind should be all it needs to get them, really. They're pretty quick to catch on to a false persona if one hints at the real, underlying one.
I can only mention so much without breaking the facade. I've told them about the hallucinations, panic attacks, and the voices, which, in addition to my insomnia, is why they prescribed the Seroquel I just took. I even told them about the break down which started all this. And despite all of that, if anything, they think I'm getting better.
Now that's a wall of text. tl;dr, maybe next time, OP.
no, it's really good - you should check it out
srsly, bwoys got mad sk111z
You sound like me except I never contemplated suicide. I instead decided on faking it forever. I'm convinced by reading sh*t like this that a good percentage, if not all, people are just like you and me, knowing it's all script and just playing along.
Who gives a flying f**k? The only real thing you can be sure of is that that one true feeling exists, pleasure. F**k everybody and everything else, only focus on what makes you feel good. Even if the brief bits of good are only bits of feeling content in a sea of disgust, aim for those. THAT's all life is....trying to make yourself feel good as long as you can as many times as you can.
Don't be social if you don't want to. I've accepted I'll be a loser for the rest of my life and couldn't care less about it. All I know is that I just play along socially so when I'm alone I can do things that make me feel good if only for minutes at a tiem.
I can only mention so much without breaking the facade. I've told them about the hallucinations, panic attacks, and the voices, which, in addition to my insomnia, is why they prescribed the Seroquel I just took. I even told them about the break down which started all this. And despite all of that, if anything, they think I'm getting better.
Its hard to break past a mask that ingrained and strong. have you been able to hint at the existance of the false persona?
no, it's really good - you should check it out
srsly, bwoys got mad sk111z
Aww, thank you. If these pills didn't prevent me from feeling anything, I'd be flattered.
Unless of course you're being sarcastic. I honestly have no idea. Even if you are, I still consider it a compliment.
I use to know a retard like you. But instead of being a giant fa**ot he got some help. Psych sessions, some pills and started putting all his time and energy into something he enjoyed. He's still alive and doing damn good for himself teaching people how to swim.
Stop being so self centered and try and get some help. I'm sure your parents will love to remember their child that was too good to get any help and took the easy way out. Really making them proud, bro.
tl;dr Grow a set of f**king balls and get some damn help.
I've attempted suicide once.
The memories this attempt left have scarred one person I know for life.
To this day, she has not recovered.
I do not know if she would be alive today had I succeeded.
If not for yourself, then for those around you.
At least give the antidepressants a try.
Aww, thank you. If these pills didn't prevent me from feeling anything, I'd be flattered.
Unless of course you're being sarcastic. I honestly have no idea. Even if you are, I still consider it a compliment.
i'm being sincere
the observation is nuanced to a point where the the reader is given much insight into the authors underlying psyche and although his logic is impaired, his communication of that has little in the way of flaws
7/10
would definitely sit with you while you die again
I've attempted suicide once.
The memories this attempt left have scarred one person I know for life.
To this day, she has not recovered.
I do not know if she would be alive today had I succeeded.
If not for yourself, then for those around you.
At least give the antidepressants a try.
FYI it's been 10 years since the attempt and she shows no sign of recovery.
You sound like me except I never contemplated suicide. I instead decided on faking it forever. I'm convinced by reading sh*t like this that a good percentage, if not all, people are just like you and me, knowing it's all script and just playing along.
Who gives a flying f**k? The only real thing you can be sure of is that that one true feeling exists, pleasure. F**k everybody and everything else, only focus on what makes you feel good. Even if the brief bits of good are only bits of feeling content in a sea of disgust, aim for those. THAT's all life is....trying to make yourself feel good as long as you can as many times as you can.
Don't be social if you don't want to. I've accepted I'll be a loser for the rest of my life and couldn't care less about it. All I know is that I just play along socially so when I'm alone I can do things that make me feel good if only for minutes at a tiem.
I can't play along any longer. Nothing makes me feel good. Well that's not entirely true. I still feel good after a long sleep or a good meal, but the net amount of pleasure I gain from doing those things is zero. It lasts maybe a few minutes, then it's back to the misery.
The real problem is, the bare minimum I would need to give to maintain a lifestyle which includes the few things that give me a tiny amount of respite is too much. Food costs money. Electricity costs money. Rent, running water, etc. There is no way in hell I could ever work around people, and any way of making money at home requires skills I don't have and can never obtain.
I can't play along any longer. Nothing makes me feel good. Well that's not entirely true. I still feel good after a long sleep or a good meal, but the net amount of pleasure I gain from doing those things is zero. It lasts maybe a few minutes, then it's back to the misery.
The real problem is, the bare minimum I would need to give to maintain a lifestyle which includes the few things that give me a tiny amount of respite is too much. Food costs money. Electricity costs money. Rent, running water, etc. There is no way in hell I could ever work around people, and any way of making money at home requires skills I don't have and can never obtain.
You probably qualify for disability, given your situation.
I use to know a retard like you. But instead of being a giant fa**ot he got some help. Psych sessions, some pills and started putting all his time and energy into something he enjoyed. He's still alive and doing damn good for himself teaching people how to swim.
Stop being so self centered and try and get some help. I'm sure your parents will love to remember their child that was too good to get any help and took the easy way out. Really making them proud, bro.
tl;dr Grow a set of f**king balls and get some damn help.
I don't enjoy anything enough to be able to be able to do it for the rest of my life. There are only temporary distractions from the hallucinations and depression and voices and everything else.
As far as my parents go, my mother is almost as insane as I am. The only reason why she didn't abort me was because my father died. I am her replacement for him, and that's how she treated me all throughout my childhood. As a miniature replacement for my father that she couldn't have sex with. I honestly don't care how I'm remembered. Why would I be?
I've attempted suicide once.
The memories this attempt left have scarred one person I know for life.
To this day, she has not recovered.
I do not know if she would be alive today had I succeeded.
If not for yourself, then for those around you.
At least give the antidepressants a try.
I have no one around me. My family tolerates me, but only because I put on the facade. If I were ever truly honest with them, they'd disown me.
I don't enjoy anything enough to be able to be able to do it for the rest of my life. There are only temporary distractions from the hallucinations and depression and voices and everything else.
As far as my parents go, my mother is almost as insane as I am. The only reason why she didn't abort me was because my father died. I am her replacement for him, and that's how she treated me all throughout my childhood. As a miniature replacement for my father that she couldn't have sex with. I honestly don't care how I'm remembered. Why would I be?
I have no one around me. My family tolerates me, but only because I put on the facade. If I were ever truly honest with them, they'd disown me.
Is there anything you'd regret never having done? You could do those things before you end it, what's to stop you at this point, really.
Medication and therapy, OP. It will get better.
Is there anything you'd regret never having done? You could do those things before you end it, what's to stop you at this point, really.
Not trying to arbitrarily extend your life... just would hate to see you have regrets if somehow consciousness remains for a while.
Is there anything you'd regret never having done? You could do those things before you end it, what's to stop you at this point, really.
No. I have no regrets. Like I said, I don't really want anything. All of the goals I've convinced people I have are just the things that I'd prefer to do if I had to do something. As in, I'd prefer to eat apples rather than oranges if I had to choose, but I'm not actually hungry at all.
The funny thing is, not once have I actually said I've wanted to do anything. I just say that so-and-so goal is what I'd "prefer to do" or something like that. I guess people nowadays just don't pay attention to semantics.
Any plans on what you'll do while you're fading away? Any particular music or just silence? Do you plan on posting until the end or will you go beforehand?
I recommend sentenced as a good band to go out to. Their album crimson was practically written for this.
I can't play along any longer. Nothing makes me feel good. Well that's not entirely true. I still feel good after a long sleep or a good meal, but the net amount of pleasure I gain from doing those things is zero. It lasts maybe a few minutes, then it's back to the misery.
The real problem is, the bare minimum I would need to give to maintain a lifestyle which includes the few things that give me a tiny amount of respite is too much. Food costs money. Electricity costs money. Rent, running water, etc. There is no way in hell I could ever work around people, and any way of making money at home requires skills I don't have and can never obtain.
Yeah, you'd have to get a job and fake your way through that part of the day. I really don't like my job and 8 hours every single day of living some generic "normal" life takes a toll by the end of the week but when I get home at night and shut the door and finally am able to breathe and just be myself it seems like a fair trade off. Well maybe not fair because it's not fair that I should even have to spend 1/3 of my day playing a role, but that's life.
Like I said, even if your happiness is being content for only minutes a day, relish those minutes. It's as close to godliness as a person can get.
And don't listen to that a**hole trying to guilt you out of doing what you want with your life. If you believe that death is final and permanent and is just like being in a dreamless sleep where your existence is ended, who gives a flying f**k about what happens after you die? If you die and someone cries or feels guilty or kills themselves, what's it to you? By that point you feel nothing and have no ability to care or understand or impact their lives. Their pain exists on this plane while you don't.
I can offer no real adviceice besides, we're all faking it, even the f**kwats making fun of you are acting out their own little stereotypical and completely predictable scripts. We're all faking it and I think you can too. I think you can fake it just a little longer and a little longer and a little longer until your persona dies a normal death and at your last breath you can smile and let it slip and be free forever.
I recommend sentenced as a good band to go out to. Their album crimson was practically written for this.
personally i'd try to go for something completely incongruous with my personality, but i'm know for being pretty edgy and hip so the folks who find my body wouldn't think it anything unusual unless i had 'the wheels on the bus go round and round' on repeat at full volume
idk, it's hard to be avante garde
Any plans on what you'll do while you're fading away? Any particular music or just silence? Do you plan on posting until the end or will you go beforehand?
I'll stay around until I get too tired to sit up at the computer, at which point I'll go to bed and that will basically be it. I won't be listening to any music, since it's easier for me to sleep in silence.
Not sure how long it'll take to get that far though, it varies depending on what mood I'm in, what I've had to eat, etc. I'm a bit drowsy and it's my movement is slowing down, but if I don't start really feeling it soon I'll take some more. I had a fairly large dinner last night as I wasn't planning on doing this so soon yesterday, but I don't think that will prolong the inevitable too much.
personally i'd try to go for something completely incongruous with my personality, but i'm know for being pretty edgy and hip so the folks who find my body wouldn't think it anything unusual unless i had 'the wheels on the bus go round and round' on repeat at full volume
idk, it's hard to be avante garde
nobody gives a f**k
I recommend sentenced as a good band to go out to. Their album crimson was practically written for this.
Oh, well if I was going to listen to anything, it would have to be Susumu Hirasawa. I have almost his whole discography, which is large enough that I wouldn't get bored no matter how long it ends up taking.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVZgVb0OXUQ&
This is my favorite song of all time. It's kind of complicated why, but suffice to say I'm fine with it being the last thing I hear.
Alright, it's really working now. Getting hard to keep my head up. I can't focus my eyes. My movements are really sluggish. It feels sort of like I've been awake for a few days straight.
nobody gives a f**k
well hello mr. nobody
you're such a self centered fa**ot, AWP.
I'll stay around until I get too tired to sit up at the computer, at which point I'll go to bed and that will basically be it. I won't be listening to any music, since it's easier for me to sleep in silence.
Not sure how long it'll take to get that far though, it varies depending on what mood I'm in, what I've had to eat, etc. I'm a bit drowsy and it's my movement is slowing down, but if I don't start really feeling it soon I'll take some more. I had a fairly large dinner last night as I wasn't planning on doing this so soon yesterday, but I don't think that will prolong the inevitable too much.
I wish you a nice farewell and the end that you hope for.
I'd like you to know that at least one anon will shed tears and remember you, though it probably doesn't mean much to you.
May your end be everything you wish for it to be.
Goodbye anon.
Its sad to know you drew the short straw in life, and not everything is fair and equal.
May you rest in the peace you deserve.
Alright, it's really working now. Getting hard to keep my head up. I can't focus my eyes. My movements are really sluggish. It feels sort of like I've been awake for a few days straight.
I wish you the best in death OP, may it be swift and painless.
Guess I'll see you in hell fa**ot
Just dropping in to say ConcernedAnonn is a fa**ot.
Anyway, carry on, OP.
Well ladies and gentlemen, that's it. I tried. I told myself I would wait until the end of the semester, wait and see if things could get better, but no more. I'm done. I can't take another day of this. What's the point of needlessly prolonging it? It's not going to magically get better on its own, and I'm incapable of changing it myself. I tried. I tried my hardest, and I failed. That's all there is to it. It's time to just accept that I've dug myself into a pit and there's no coming out of it.
Everything I say is a lie. I've been lying for so long about so many things that I can't keep it all straight. The lines between the personae have become so blurry. I can't even remember what's true and what isn't. I don't know which memories and thoughts are real, which are lies based on the truth that I've made to fit with my public face, and which are outright fabrications. I've kept it up for almost four years now. Or has it been six? Maybe just one? I honestly can't remember. Everything prior to about a year ago has become blurry.
(cont.)
DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT DO IT FA**OT
Goodbye anon.
Its sad to know you drew the short straw in life, and not everything is fair and equal.
May you rest in the peace you deserve.
> rest in the peace you deserve
why do you think he, or anyone else - deserves peace?
I've stood at the gates of death myself a few times. In the end I either turned away or pulled back. Until a few years ago I wasn't sure why I still kept going. Things can change, OP. Even from the bottom of the abyss they can change without a path or a want. It took years for me. It may change for you as well.
Interesting choice taking this to anonymous, OP. We're an internet love machine and probably one of the boards that's most likely to try and talk you out of a suicide attempt. Imma assume you realized this beforehand.
right before you drift off to death, post your name and city right before you drift off so we can mourn you properly
I can say that I can feel you OP.
Why live an always meager, unsatisfactory life? What is the point if we will die anyway? Why not get it done with already?
I too long for a quick and painless death, yet I can't do it because I am a coward, I'm the worst type of person. Complain and then do nothing about it. I'm just all talk, yet fail to act when the time calls for it.
Good luck OP, may death really be the thing you want.
> rest in the peace you deserve
why do you think he, or anyone else - deserves peace?
I guess he doesn't. But I wouldn't wish upon anybody to go on living, or die, with no solace from despair.
It might be a failure and the poor guy will suffer more and end up in a coma. Pills are such a fail method.
OP, how old are you?
Important.
OP, how old are you?
Important.
I am assuming college age. Read the details.
It might be a failure and the poor guy will suffer more and end up in a coma. Pills are such a fail method.
This, I've heard stories of how pills are one of the worst ways to try to kill yourself as it almost never works and just leaves you in an even worse state, and usually you'll end up so that you'll never even be able to get another attempt at it.
Think he might be gone by now.
Still hitting F5 in hope though.
Interesting choice taking this to anonymous, OP. We're an internet love machine and probably one of the boards that's most likely to try and talk you out of a suicide attempt. Imma assume you realized this beforehand.
OP is too busy feeling sorry for himself. I doubt he cares. After all, poor, pitiful him. Forbid he take the initiative to actually get some help.
>Hopefully your suicide is very long and painful, OP. As you agonizingly wait for it to be over, I hope your last thoughts concern what a complete and utter failure you were. You had only one chance at life and you f**king blew it.
>F**k you and good riddance.
People who act like this to those who are seriously suicidal are simply human garbage.
It's usually low IQ minded shmucks like this too who stop many men from really seeking help.
Also, internet badass.
It's kind of sad how posting broke for a while(or was it just for me?). He may never have been able to say any last words. Might be gone now because it would be easy to assume it's a longer outage.
It's kind of sad how posting broke for a while(or was it just for me?). He may never have been able to say any last words. Might be gone now because it would be easy to assume it's a longer outage.
No, it wasn't just you, posting has been going up and down for a while now. Check [status]
almost same situation as OP. Feels bad man, but we gotta keep going. Glad someone out there is sailing in the same weather as me.
> rest in the peace you deserve
why do you think he, or anyone else - deserves peace?
Why not? Must existence be so utterly, eternally sh*tty?
>Hopefully your suicide is very long and painful, OP. As you agonizingly wait for it to be over, I hope your last thoughts concern what a complete and utter failure you were. You had only one chance at life and you f**king blew it.
>F**k you and good riddance.
People who act like this to those who are seriously suicidal are simply human garbage.
It's usually low IQ minded shmucks like this too who stop many men from really seeking help.
Also, internet badass.
That's just another e-thug, wandering from bee. Don't pay him any mind.
As a practicing therapist I shouldn't be saying this, but OP, you are NOT a special little snowflake. There are plenty of people out there who have the same "issues" you do, often worse, who have came out in control of their life. Killing yourself is NOT the answer, it's never the answer. Wether you realize it or not you'll just be hurting those around you. Especially your mother, she's already has problems, you acknowledge this, yet you still put yourself above her. I'd be embarrassed if I were you.
almost same situation as OP. Feels bad man, but we gotta keep going. Glad someone out there is sailing in the same weather as me.
I've been there a number of times as well. I had lived years based around the idea that I would just want to die. Eventually I said to myself that if I really wanted to just die, I wouldn't have an issue simply walking out of the window(rooftop aparment). Rather than contemplate any longer I started walking towards it, keeping in mind everything and just letting my body/mind do what it does.
When I reached the window I stopped. It was almost unexpected. I had to rethink my entire persona from there.
I've been there a number of times as well. I had lived years based around the idea that I would just want to die. Eventually I said to myself that if I really wanted to just die, I wouldn't have an issue simply walking out of the window(rooftop aparment). Rather than contemplate any longer I started walking towards it, keeping in mind everything and just letting my body/mind do what it does.
When I reached the window I stopped. It was almost unexpected. I had to rethink my entire persona from there.
Pills are a difficult method for this reason. Should you change your mind past the point of no return, but while you're still aware there's no real way out. I suppose one could call 911 but only if one can still move enough to do so. I
As a practicing therapist I shouldn't be saying this, but OP, you are NOT a special little snowflake. There are plenty of people out there who have the same "issues" you do, often worse, who have came out in control of their life. Killing yourself is NOT the answer, it's never the answer. Wether you realize it or not you'll just be hurting those around you. Especially your mother, she's already has problems, you acknowledge this, yet you still put yourself above her. I'd be embarrassed if I were you.
As a practicing therapist do you really believe this is the best thing to say? At this point I don't believe a guilt trip will help OP much.
Think he might be gone by now.
Still hitting F5 in hope though.
same here
they need to start selling bags of all kinds of different F5 keys or some sh*t, so it'll most likely fit on your keyboard.
Sh*t has me buying new keyboards every f**king 3 months or so.
I guess he doesn't. But I wouldn't wish upon anybody to go on living, or die, with no solace from despair.
oh don't get me wrong, i'd love for anon to have hope, but false hope is no hope and the general sense of entitlement that makes folk they deserve ANYTHING in this life is exactly that; false
Why not? Must existence be so utterly, eternally sh*tty?
well, who bestows on us the right to expect anything else in life other than a meaningless existence of hard work and toil?
the american constitution?
loreal shampoo?
god?
Wonder what's going on with OP. Wonder if we'll ever know.
As a practicing therapist I shouldn't be saying this, but OP, you are NOT a special little snowflake. There are plenty of people out there who have the same "issues" you do, often worse, who have came out in control of their life. Killing yourself is NOT the answer, it's never the answer. Wether you realize it or not you'll just be hurting those around you. Especially your mother, she's already has problems, you acknowledge this, yet you still put yourself above her. I'd be embarrassed if I were you.
As a f**king therapist that's EXACTLY what you should be telling these woe-is-me fa**ots.
oh don't get me wrong, i'd love for anon to have hope, but false hope is no hope and the general sense of entitlement that makes folk they deserve ANYTHING in this life is exactly that; false
well, who bestows on us the right to expect anything else in life other than a meaningless existence of hard work and toil?
the american constitution?
loreal shampoo?
god?
> that makes folk they deserve ANYTHING
that makes folk think they deserve ANYTHING
fxd
As a practicing therapist do you really believe this is the best thing to say? At this point I don't believe a guilt trip will help OP much.
Take notice of
>I shouldn't be saying this
Going by what OP has said so far it doesn't matter what I say. He already said that he doesn't care what happens to anyone else.
>I honestly don't care how I'm remembered.
>family tolerates me...were ever truly honest with them, they'd disown me
>I don't want a future
>I don't want anything. I don't want to want.
>I stopped feeling. Why bother? It didn't matter, I could never know if they were real
For someone who thinks they are nothing, there is a lot of I and me. OP is no different than many other patients. He claims to be nothing, yet he is EVERYTHING.
As a f**king therapist that's EXACTLY what you should be telling these woe-is-me fa**ots.
So just because other people have problems means that yours are unimportant?
Why the f**k should someone care about the problems of random people they don't even know? It has no affect on them.
Some people can tolerate more things before breaking, doesn't mean it's any less significant. I'd fear having a psychologist like you, telling people that their problems aren't worth sh*t, and possibly driving them even more to seek suicide.
As a f**king therapist that's EXACTLY what you should be telling these woe-is-me fa**ots.
Sometimes you have to be a dick. Many of the people like OP are obsessed with themselves. They don't get out of it by making life even more about themselves. It's often self defeating.
The real work isn't always movie arm chair "I have funny dreams" sh*t. It isn't always pretty.
Will miss you Keith!
Silent wind ceases
Slowing heartbeat, Words for you:
Please stay, OP - please stay.
> I hope he found the peace he seeks
well, if he didn't ask jesus to save his life, he definitely hasn't
> I hope he found the peace he seeks
well, if he didn't ask jesus to save his life, he definitely hasn't
>well, if he didn't ask jesus to save his life, he definitely hasn't
in your opinion
Natural selection for the win!!
OP obviously doesn't have what it takes to be a productive member of the species, so f**k him.
Hopefully your suicide is very long and painful, OP. As you agonizingly wait for it to be over, I hope your last thoughts concern what a complete and utter failure you were. You had only one chance at life and you f**king blew it.
F**k you and good riddance.
You're right he doesn't have what it takes, it sounds like hes a seriously deteriorated Disorganized Schizophrenic (Or maybe DID but I doubt it). Is that his fault? F**k no.
I think that odds are, whatever comes after death will be much nicer than the hellish life he had to live. If any of you who say he's being selfish actually suffered from a form of Schizophrenia, you'd be wanting to die too. Over 40% of Schizophrenic patients end up commiting suicide; it's simply unlike anything the human mind was ever prepared to endure.
>well, if he didn't ask jesus to save his life, he definitely hasn't
in your opinion
> in your opinion
in god's opinion
> in your opinion
in god's opinion
>In your delusion.
>In your delusion.
you mean my god delusion?
you mean my god delusion?
Thats the best thing about religion, you can't prove it and its always, MY god, not ARE god. Its mine and yours is wrong because I say so.
you mean my god delusion?
You said you were leaving, Get the f**k out of anonymous, or stop posting, f**k I hate you.
You said you were leaving, Get the f**k out of anonymous, or stop posting, f**k I hate you.
Sorry for feeding the troll!
Thats the best thing about religion, you can't prove it and its always, MY god, not ARE god. Its mine and yours is wrong because I say so.
hee hee, jokes on you - it's not my god delusion, it's dawkins'
lololol i troll u
You said you were leaving, Get the f**k out of anonymous, or stop posting, f**k I hate you.
i was just saying that to get attention
so ronery
Sleep well, OP.
I will leave this board forever.
I will leave this board forever.
cya <3
cya <3
Hey christf**!
Just wondering, being Irish and everything, do you keep ham sandwiches in your pocket?
Hey christf**!
Just wondering, being Irish and everything, do you keep ham sandwiches in your pocket?
right at this minute i have cheese and lettuce
i suppose i could cut a slice off the pig and stick it on, but he'll just squeal the house down
right at this minute i have cheese and lettuce
i suppose i could cut a slice off the pig and stick it on, but he'll just squeal the house down
Ah yes, pigs. Reinforcing the old view of Irishmen as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going "I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!"
Ah yes, pigs. Reinforcing the old view of Irishmen as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going "I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!"
now would i be right in sensing a little vitriol in your diction, you have a lovely turn of phrase though and i'm of the notion that there's irish blood in ye, now it wouldn't behoove an ulsterman to ask this, but i'm turning to be of a mind that your sainted grandmother had her steps knacked by a tinker
Ah yes, pigs. Reinforcing the old view of Irishmen as twinkly-eyed f**kers with a pig under their arm, high-stepping it around the world, going "I'll paint your house now, but watch out, I might steal the ladder later, ohohoho!"
Give credit where it's due, you twat.
When I was in the situation of OP, I contemplated death. I had everything planned and all the tools. After some consideration I came to the conclusion that I do not know for sure what happens in death. If not utter blackness it could potentially be even worse than now. I decided instead to act as if I were dead. So to say, I took my entire persona, my worries my fears my hopes and my dreams and threw it all away. I threw my friends away as my foes. I chose to move somewhere else and be a completely different person. If all failed with a new persona, I could end my life anyway, but at least this way part of it was in my control. There is only once question I would ask? Is the uncertainty of death really worth the potential outcomes?
OP doesn't understand the way sleeping pills work.
Enjoy vomiting blood for 16 hours straight.
No comments:
Post a Comment