>be in closet
>invite boy over to parents house
>fool around and end up sleeping with boy
>mom walks into my room in the morning for whatever reason
>mom sees me in bed with another boy
>mom turns 360 degrees and walk away
>mom never brings it up and still assumes I am straight.
>mom says things like "I hope you find that special girl one day"
>have no plans of coming out of the closet any time soon
> worship slaanesh
> raped by a man
> slaanesh is pleased
> not as planned
>never get a gf
>parents think i am gay
is that awkward enough for ya?
ITT awkward sexual stories
>be in closet
>invite boy over to parents house
>fool around and end up sleeping with boy
>mom walks into my room in the morning for whatever reason
>mom sees me in bed with another boy
>mom turns 360 degrees and walk away
>mom never brings it up and still assumes I am straight.
>mom says things like "I hope you find that special girl one day"
>have no plans of coming out of the closet any time soon
>mom turns 360 degrees
>ends up in bed with us
cool story brah
>360 degrees
>walk away
OH SWEET A XBOX THREAD
ITT awkward sexual stories
>be in closet
>invite boy over to parents house
>fool around and end up sleeping with boy
>mom walks into my room in the morning for whatever reason
>mom sees me in bed with another boy
>mom turns 360 degrees and walk away
>mom never brings it up and still assumes I am straight.
>mom says things like "I hope you find that special girl one day"
>have no plans of coming out of the closet any time soon
>360 degrees and walk away
You mean 2pi radians, who the f**k uses degrees?
damn that chick in the op is fine as hel;l
>implying anyone on anonymous has ever had esex
>Don't have driver's license
>Parents drop me off at girlfriend's house
>Mom catches us fooling around
>Says it's time for me to go
>Parents won't answer the phone ;_;
>throw a party
>guy gets a BJ in your bedroom while you are doing something else
>that the is closest you will ever get to getting a girl in your bedroom
;_;
>no sexual stories, period
>i'm no longer asked why I'm single
>friends probably think I'm gay or asexual
>sadfrog.jpg
>no sexual stories, period
>i'm no longer asked why I'm single
>friends probably think I'm gay or asexual
>sadfrog.jpg
>asexual
rolfxx
>saving furry porn for trollan purposes
>dad walks into computer room
>sees me looking at two gay nazi furs
>SON I AM DISAPOINT
> friend of opposite sex wants me to find a song on laptop
> youtube
> porn shows up in awesomebar for a second
> i will never know if she noticed or not
>dad walks on my sucking bfs dick
>dad walks away and gives me dirty looks in the future.
>having sex with my girlfriend
>shes moaning really loud
>my mom comes home, we don't hear
>she yells something really loudly at us
>instant boner kill
>we are in shock
>get a blowjob
>cum in her mouth
>get dressed and leave the room
>coolface.jpg
>Problem, mom?
OP you are a disguisting fa**ot
>Never had a girlfriend
>Parents think I'm gay
>They have been thinking this for 3 years now
>saving furry porn for trollan purposes
>dad walks into computer room
>sees me looking at two gay nazi furs
>SON I AM DISAPOINT
You should probably stop trolling with furry porn, you underage fa**ot.
> friend of opposite sex wants me to find a song on laptop
> youtube
> porn shows up in awesomebar for a second
> i will never know if she noticed or not
Learn to use porn mode, ehr, "private browsing" mode.
You should probably stop trolling with furry porn, you underage fa**ot.
>saving furry porn for trollan purposes
>dad walks into computer room
>sees me looking at two gay nazi furs
>SON I AM DISAPOINT
Karma.
ITT awkward sexual stories
>be in closet
>invite boy over to parents house
>fool around and end up sleeping with boy
>mom walks into my room in the morning for whatever reason
>mom sees me in bed with another boy
>mom turns 360 degrees and walk away
>mom never brings it up and still assumes I am straight.
>mom says things like "I hope you find that special girl one day"
>have no plans of coming out of the closet any time soon
Are you really unaware of what a 360 degree turn is, or does your mom moonwalk?
OP sure is some stale copypasta........
>Back in high school with girlfriend at the time.
>Sneak off to my bed room.
>Having some fun sex.
>Look over and see little (~9 at the time) brother's fingers snake under the door and wiggle.
>Moment ruined.
The three of us ended up playing Smash Bros., though, so I can't complain too much.
Also:
>Sneak out of parents' house for late night fun.
>Climb in through girlfriend's window.
>Sex ensues. Apparently, phone rings, but we don't notice it.
>Her mother knocks on the door.
>I hurry out the window.
>Father drives up girlfriend's drive way.
> My parents called her parents when they found out that I was missing.
all of my sexual stories are awkward
>having sex
>finish up
I say 'that was great'
she says
>implying I enjoyed the sex
last time I have sex with trollface.
>never get a gf
>parents think i am gay
is that awkward enough for ya?
surly this is par for the course for any anon
>went out with a girl for two weeks
>we never had sex
>meet girl
>shes hot
>talk with her a bunch
>talk to her the next day
>she doesn't know who I am
>get laid
>do this every day
bumpu for moru stories!
>cold night, mom lets us sleep in the living room
>had anal sex in the morning, under the sheets
>autistic brother walks past, unaware of what we were doing
>waited for brother to go away, then continued
>no one knows to this day
>went out with a girl for two weeks
>we never had sex
I can top that will my friend. He and his girlfriend went out for a little under a YEAR and they never f**ked. She just manhandled his c**k and buised it.
>never had a girl freind
>parents think I'm gay
>I go to parties
>bitches wanna f**k me becuase they play with my hair (blonde fro for the win niggas)
>they end up playing with my c**k
>come home
>parents still think I'm gay
>I try and keep it this way becuase I think it's f**king funny to f**k with them like this.
>go to party again soon
> susposedly knock a bitch up
> 2 weeks later her and her dad (somehow they got my adress?)
>dad tells my dad about the prego test
>dad is dissapoint
>Freind who is over at the time goes "OH HEY WAIT! I F**KED THE BITCH TO"
>It's awkward, having parents think your gay then you susposedly knock up a girl, then freind yells that sh*t, later you find out its her uncles baby
LOLLLLLLLL!
>never had a girl freind
>parents think I'm gay
>I go to parties
>bitches wanna f**k me becuase they play with my hair (blonde fro for the win niggas)
>they end up playing with my c**k
>come home
>parents still think I'm gay
>I try and keep it this way becuase I think it's f**king funny to f**k with them like this.
>go to party again soon
> susposedly knock a bitch up
> 2 weeks later her and her dad (somehow they got my adress?)
>dad tells my dad about the prego test
>dad is dissapoint
>Freind who is over at the time goes "OH HEY WAIT! I F**KED THE BITCH TO"
>It's awkward, having parents think your gay then you susposedly knock up a girl, then freind yells that sh*t, later you find out its her uncles baby
LOLLLLLLLL!
you f**ked a redneck, congrats
you f**ked a redneck, congrats
If only I knew :|
>masturbate every day
>friends like to peek through the window to catch me (on 1st floor)
>continue jerking it while staring at them
no one interrupts me, I am the Master Bater
>went out with a girl for two weeks
>we never had sex
>went out with a girl for two years
>we never had sex
F**k you, a**hole. I have you f**king beat.
>having sex
>come early
sh*t
>keep trying to f**k her
>go floppy in seconds and cant thrust anymore because shes so tight
>tell her Im worried the condom will come off and i am escared :(
>she says its okay me too maybe we can continue later
trollface.jpg
>Take pictures of c**k to send girl online
>She sends some nudes back
>Pretty great
>Dad borrows camera next day
PHALLIC CLOSEUP
HI DAD!
>Take pictures of c**k to send girl online
>She sends some nudes back
>Pretty great
>Dad borrows camera next day
PHALLIC CLOSEUP
HI DAD!
Reminds me a slightly related story:
>Girl that I have the hots for but will never make a move on just had a baby.
>Drop by to drop off baby gifts.
>She hands me her digital camera to show off baby pictures.
>Flip through. Cute kid. Typical mommy and baby pictures.
>Random dog picture.
>Picture of said woman on her back, tugging her nipples, head and eyes rolled back in ecstasy, c**t full of c**k.
>Go back to dog picture.
>"That seems to be the end of them!"
>image in my head for months to come.
Reminds me a slightly related story:
>Girl that I have the hots for but will never make a move on just had a baby.
>Drop by to drop off baby gifts.
>She hands me her digital camera to show off baby pictures.
>Flip through. Cute kid. Typical mommy and baby pictures.
>Random dog picture.
>Picture of said woman on her back, tugging her nipples, head and eyes rolled back in ecstasy, c**t full of c**k.
>Go back to dog picture.
>"That seems to be the end of them!"
>image in my head for months to come.
Hahaha. Oh man.
Seriously, though, my Dad wouldn't look at me for over a week.
>sneak outside to have sex
>have some really awesome sex in the pool
>bf's sister has a sick sense of humor and she steals our clothes
>we are locked outside naked + soaking wet at 2 AM
>end up having to call his mom to open the door for us
>never ending shame every time I go there
Hahaha. Oh man.
Seriously, though, my Dad wouldn't look at me for over a week.
he probably couldn't get the thought of sucking your c**k out of his head
Reminds me a slightly related story:
>Girl that I have the hots for but will never make a move on just had a baby.
>Drop by to drop off baby gifts.
>She hands me her digital camera to show off baby pictures.
>Flip through. Cute kid. Typical mommy and baby pictures.
>Random dog picture.
>Picture of said woman on her back, tugging her nipples, head and eyes rolled back in ecstasy, c**t full of c**k.
>Go back to dog picture.
>"That seems to be the end of them!"
>image in my head for months to come.
This happened with my two best friends who happen to be in a relationship...
>Showing me pictures of her kid at the park
>Scrolling through and find pictures of her boyfriends dick and some of her on top
>Keep looking and pretending I am looking at park pictures still
>Get horny, go to bathroom and feel bad for fapping to my best friends
> Be 7th grade emo girl fascinated with the concept of bisexuality
> Invite best girl friend over
> Best friend starts making out with me at like 8 pm
> Take shirts off
> Mom walks downstairs with sodas
> Sees us, shirtless and on top of eachother
> Puts sodas on tables
> Pretends not to see us, walks away
feelsreallyawkwardman.jpg
> Push into boy
> Condom rips
> Penis rips
> Blood everywhere
...
> Carry on anyway
> Cum
>I find out im moving
> the girl i like likes me back
> we fool around at a party, get a bj
> see her at college nxt day "britf** college (i was 16)
> realise if i get involved with her its gunna break my heart so tell her i dont love her or fancy her
> talk to my best mate and set hima dn her up
> realsie i fancy her and talk to her 24/7
>BF gets suspiciouse and blanks me instant hate
> she comes round my house says shes wants to have sex,
> i cant betray my friend
>leave for new college a virgin
feelsbadman.jpg
>I find out im moving
> the girl i like likes me back
> we fool around at a party, get a bj
> see her at college nxt day "britf** college (i was 16)
> realise if i get involved with her its gunna break my heart so tell her i dont love her or fancy her
> talk to my best mate and set hima dn her up
> realsie i fancy her and talk to her 24/7
>BF gets suspiciouse and blanks me instant hate
> she comes round my house says shes wants to have sex,
> i cant betray my friend
>leave for new college a virgin
feelsbadman.jpg
BF = best friend =/= boyfriend
>Get (really) drunk
>Bitch invites me to sleep in her bed
>Bitch starts to f**k me
>We're loud as f**k
>One friend (trying to sleep) on the other side of the room, two outside it
>Be sh*tty at sex as it was my first time
>Most awkward morning ever
From that day on, I promised self to become the best at sex. Like no one ever was.
>having sex
>finish up
I say 'that was great'
she says
>implying I enjoyed the sex
last time I have sex with trollface.
Goddammit, this made me lol
>I find out im moving
> the girl i like likes me back
> we fool around at a party, get a bj
> see her at college nxt day "britf** college (i was 16)
> realise if i get involved with her its gunna break my heart so tell her i dont love her or fancy her
> talk to my best mate and set hima dn her up
> realsie i fancy her and talk to her 24/7
>BF gets suspiciouse and blanks me instant hate
> she comes round my house says shes wants to have sex,
> i cant betray my friend
>leave for new college a virgin
feelsbadman.jpg
>I find out im moving
> the girl i like likes me back
> we fool around at a party, get a bj
> see her at college nxt day "britf** college (i was 16)
> realise if i get involved with her its gunna break my heart so tell her i dont love her or fancy her
> talk to my best mate and set hima dn her up
> realsie i fancy her and talk to her 24/7
>BF gets suspiciouse and blanks me instant hate
> she comes round my house says shes wants to have sex,
> i cant betray my friend
>leave for new college a virgin
feelsbadman.jpg
is this i dont even
>get drunk and spend the weekend at a dude's house, having sex and getting more drunk
>come home and find 'focus on the family' type movies about daughters having casual sex, disc in dvd player in parent's room
>couple days having parents ask how my weekend was
>give me dvd awkwardly, say I should watch it to understand how they feel
>watch it. lol hard.
is this i dont even
Just before he is about to move away, he finds out that the girl that he likes likes him back. They fool around but never get down to intercourse. Since he is going to leave soon, to save himself the heartbreak of having to leave her, he sets her up with his best friend (Wat?!). Feelings between the two remain and, when he finally has the chance to have sex wit her, he does because she's now officially dating his best friend.
>Best friend and I sucked each others' c**k as young teens.
>He moves half way across the country.
>Meet up with him several years later.
>He hates all f**s and thinks that anyone who sucks c**k should be shot.
>Can't help but remember our childhood.
> worship slaanesh
> raped by a man
> slaanesh is pleased
> not as planned
lol Slaanesh is pleased!
>sitting in living room with girlfriend.
>her sister is on the couch
>her guardian (mom's best friend) is on the computer.
>girlfriend begins to play with my c**k.
>girlfriend leans her head in my lap and proceeds to suck my c**k in the middle of the room.
>other people in room either are utterly retarded or fail to notice
>girl's autistic younger brother whoops and runs around room several times, causing people to glance away from what they are doing.. she freezes each time, mouth on my c**k, I sit and watch the tv, just shaking a little bit.
>get up to go to the bathroom, she follows. We go into her room instead.
>cum in her mouth.
>feels good man.
>run into girl I have a history of hooking up with at an out of town music festival
>she's with half swedish/half jewish friend, tell her how hot I think her friend is (scandi face and coloring, jewish tits and ass)
>traveling partner (who I'd messed around with earlier in the summer [lol bi]), old hookup, and myself stay at the house of old hookup's friend
>traveling partner, old hookup, and myself sleep in one bed in basement
>make out and fool around with old hookup while traveling partner "sleeps" next to us
>f**k old hookup's friend in same basement next night.
lol Slaanesh is pleased!
>sitting in living room with girlfriend.
>her sister is on the couch
>her guardian (mom's best friend) is on the computer.
>girlfriend begins to play with my c**k.
>girlfriend leans her head in my lap and proceeds to suck my c**k in the middle of the room.
>other people in room either are utterly retarded or fail to notice
>girl's autistic younger brother whoops and runs around room several times, causing people to glance away from what they are doing.. she freezes each time, mouth on my c**k, I sit and watch the tv, just shaking a little bit.
>get up to go to the bathroom, she follows. We go into her room instead.
>cum in her mouth.
>feels good man.
Oh yeah,
was wearing these very boxers, ("There's no need to fear! Underdog is here!") so she had easy access.
Just before he is about to move away, he finds out that the girl that he likes likes him back. They fool around but never get down to intercourse. Since he is going to leave soon, to save himself the heartbreak of having to leave her, he sets her up with his best friend (Wat?!). Feelings between the two remain and, when he finally has the chance to have sex wit her, he does because she's now officially dating his best friend.
yeah im the poster and thats bout it. i set up my m8 and the girl cause i wanted her to be happy ( im a dick i was young ) .... anyway the girl and i still had a thing my mate saw the thing and was always ringing her when we were together asking if i was there and everytime we tlaked to each other ( me and my mate) it was just really awkward. so jus b4 i leave she wasnts to have sex with me but i didnt want to betray my friend
> leaves to an hero
yeah im the poster and thats bout it. i set up my m8 and the girl cause i wanted her to be happy ( im a dick i was young ) .... anyway the girl and i still had a thing my mate saw the thing and was always ringing her when we were together asking if i was there and everytime we tlaked to each other ( me and my mate) it was just really awkward. so jus b4 i leave she wasnts to have sex with me but i didnt want to betray my friend
> leaves to an hero
awww man sh*tsux
OP, 360 degrees is a complete circle. If your mother turned 360 degrees, she would still be facing you and if she were to walk at that point she would walk toward your greasy little bed of sin.
If she turned 180 degrees she could walk away.
OP, 360 degrees is a complete circle. If your mother turned 360 degrees, she would still be facing you and if she were to walk at that point she would walk toward your greasy little bed of sin.
If she turned 180 degrees she could walk away.
not if she moonwaled away
yeah im the poster and thats bout it. i set up my m8 and the girl cause i wanted her to be happy ( im a dick i was young ) .... anyway the girl and i still had a thing my mate saw the thing and was always ringing her when we were together asking if i was there and everytime we tlaked to each other ( me and my mate) it was just really awkward. so jus b4 i leave she wasnts to have sex with me but i didnt want to betray my friend
> leaves to an hero
what the hell? do you really think she'll be happy with your friend? i think not...
>360 degrees and walk away
You mean 2pi radians, who the f**k uses degrees?
>360 degrees and walk away
You mean 2pi radians, who the f**k uses degrees?
GUIES LOOK HOW SMART I AM IM SO SMART
awww man sh*tsux
thats nothing
I know that one girl for about 4 years....we felt often in love...but always when the other was in a relationship so nobody did ever a move.
So one time she got with my best bro and after a few months after they broke up we both felt in love, nobody was in a relationship but again nobody risked a kiss because of my best bro
after that i lost the contact to her and today ive seen her the first time for about 1 year....god damnit she is in a relationship with a boring stylo mylo f**ktard
goddamnitlovelifesucks.jpg
not really sex but def relationship
Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just play Pokemon while I wait".
So I'm playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.
A shiny pidgey. Holy sh*t. (For those of you who don't know/care, shiny Pokemon have less than a 1/1,000 chance of appearing; 1/8192 to be exact.). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy sh*t, YES", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell "You don't even f**king care! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR F**KING GAME!" I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my shiny Pidgey, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and my shiny Pidgey, gone forever.
I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn't know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out "F**K YOU", and runs out of my house in tears.
What have I done? I've f**ked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don't want a game of Pokemon to be responsible for ruining my best relationship ever. Help me, bee.
More funny than awkward:
>Having sex on Christmas.
>Out of condoms so we risk the Pull Out technique.
>Near orgasm, pull out.
>Wife rubs belly in anticipation, wanting it on her navel.
>Unexpectedly over shoot my mark.
>Hits her in the cheek with an audible, wet SLAP!
>I can say that I slapped a bitch with my jizz.
OP, 360 degrees is a complete circle. If your mother turned 360 degrees, she would still be facing you and if she were to walk at that point she would walk toward your greasy little bed of sin.
If she turned 180 degrees she could walk away.
it is a joke from /v/ on the X Box 360
>get drunk and spend the weekend at a dude's house, having sex and getting more drunk
>come home and find 'focus on the family' type movies about daughters having casual sex, disc in dvd player in parent's room
>couple days having parents ask how my weekend was
>give me dvd awkwardly, say I should watch it to understand how they feel
>watch it. lol hard.
This reminds me of a story that doesn't relate to sex but was awkward non the less.
>>Smoke huge bowl of weed
>>Get extremely stoned
>>Eye drops to hide red eyes
>>Drive to mothers house, who is a deadbeat and walked out on our family but still likes to play roll of mom
>>Grandmother is visiting from out of state
>>Walk in, walk to room and fine a article taped to TV
>>"Teens are 70% more likely to be doing drugs when their parents don't know where they are"
>>Lol hard
>>Later confront mother on the fact that I know she smokes weed on a regular basis
More funny than awkward:
>Having sex on Christmas.
>Out of condoms so we risk the Pull Out technique.
>Near orgasm, pull out.
>Wife rubs belly in anticipation, wanting it on her navel.
>Unexpectedly over shoot my mark.
>Hits her in the cheek with an audible, wet SLAP!
>I can say that I slapped a bitch with my jizz.
>Out of condoms so we risk the Pull Out technique.
Hope you're ready for a "surprise."
not if she moonwaled away
He has a point there.
>Out of condoms so we risk the Pull Out technique.
Hope you're ready for a "surprise."
It's been a full two years since then and nothing came of it. But, we were aware of the risk that we were taking when we did it.
Why does everyone here talk in quotes?
I have one I'm in the middle of right now!
>>Have girlfriend for 4.5 years
>>A year ago, my best friend is living at a drug house. We do lots of drugs there, 5 people, drama ensues
>>Really drunk one night, I make out with one of his roommates,
>>She starts liking me, I'm stupid and crash in her bed a few times
>>This is important! We never f**k. We never have sexual intercourse
>>Never tell girlfriend, year goes by
>>Be a fantastic boyfriend
>>Two nights ago, best friend lets something small slip while drunk
>>Two days later, I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend I didn't do sh*t
>>Losing girlfriend anyways
>>Feels bad man
>never had a girl freind
>parents think I'm gay
>I go to parties
>bitches wanna f**k me becuase they play with my hair (blonde fro for the win niggas)
>they end up playing with my c**k
>come home
>parents still think I'm gay
>I try and keep it this way becuase I think it's f**king funny to f**k with them like this.
>go to party again soon
> susposedly knock a bitch up
> 2 weeks later her and her dad (somehow they got my adress?)
>dad tells my dad about the prego test
>dad is dissapoint
>Freind who is over at the time goes "OH HEY WAIT! I F**KED THE BITCH TO"
>It's awkward, having parents think your gay then you susposedly knock up a girl, then freind yells that sh*t, later you find out its her uncles baby
LOLLLLLLLL!
>uncles baby
SAY WHAT
>don't have a girlfriend for most of high school
>parents ask if you're gay every few months, telling you it's okay
>finally start hooking up with an ugly skank in senior year
>parents are disappointed in you, telling you that you can do better, and they get really pissy whenever they realize we just f**ked
UMM AWKWARD ENOUGH FOR YA Anonymous?!
>host New Year's party
>walk into guest bedroom to find 3 of your best friends sitting at the edge of the bed getting eaten out by your 4th best friend
>they pull you onto bed to join
>you look up to see a creepy unknown hippie sitting in the corner video taping your friends
Ummm. 100% true story guize.
UMM AWKWARD ENOUGH FOR YA Anonymous?!
>host New Year's party
>walk into guest bedroom to find 3 of your best friends sitting at the edge of the bed getting eaten out by your 4th best friend
>they pull you onto bed to join
>you look up to see a creepy unknown hippie sitting in the corner video taping your friends
Ummm. 100% true story guize.
Link to video or it didn't happen.
I have one I'm in the middle of right now!
>>Have girlfriend for 4.5 years
>>A year ago, my best friend is living at a drug house. We do lots of drugs there, 5 people, drama ensues
>>Really drunk one night, I make out with one of his roommates,
>>She starts liking me, I'm stupid and crash in her bed a few times
>>This is important! We never f**k. We never have sexual intercourse
>>Never tell girlfriend, year goes by
>>Be a fantastic boyfriend
>>Two nights ago, best friend lets something small slip while drunk
>>Two days later, I'm still trying to convince my girlfriend I didn't do sh*t
>>Losing girlfriend anyways
>>Feels bad man
bawwwww my degenerate lifestyle has consequences!
bawwwww my degenerate lifestyle has consequences!
I'm not denying it has consequences. Go f**k yourself. I understand if the relationship ends it's my goddamn fault.
I still didn't f**k the girl, or emotionally bond for her. I'm still possibly losing my girlfriend for making out once and sleeping in another girls bed. I understand these actions are bad.
Considering my girlfriend f**ked another guy twice while studying abroad in Paris, I feel this reaction from her is a bit unjustified though.
Go die in a fire a**hole.
>girlfriend of many years tells you that she "needs a break" for a few weeks, but she won't f**k anyone
>after a month apart, reconciliation happens and the relationship picks up where it left off
>things around going well
>during the time apart, you didn't f**k anyone, as promised
>you find out that she did
>she says not to worry, he was a loser sh*thead anyway
>out of blind rage, you go to a club, and start a f**k-buddy arrangement with a massive skank
>end it after a few weeks
>feel that everything is even
>she finds out about it
>dumps you
> GF's mother leaves the house
> we go up stairs, she starts giving me head
> the mother ninja walks back into the house and sees us
> blowjob ends
> mothers hates me because her daughter sucks c**k.
>Write sweet letters about how I feel to my girlfriend
>Have sex for the first time
>Write a letter (in detail) about how awesome the sex was and how I loved licking her pu**y, etc
>She leaves note out, her mom finds it
>Tells us to go get BC pills
>girlfriend of many years tells you that she "needs a break" for a few weeks, but she won't f**k anyone
>after a month apart, reconciliation happens and the relationship picks up where it left off
>things around going well
>during the time apart, you didn't f**k anyone, as promised
>you find out that she did
>she says not to worry, he was a loser sh*thead anyway
>out of blind rage, you go to a club, and start a f**k-buddy arrangement with a massive skank
>end it after a few weeks
>feel that everything is even
>she finds out about it
>dumps you
It's impossible for a girl to not wh**re out. You should have known better.
>throw a party
>guy gets a BJ in your bedroom while you are doing something else
>that the is closest you will ever get to getting a girl in your bedroom
;_;
At least he didn't came on your pillow.
> friend of opposite sex wants me to find a song on laptop
> youtube
> porn shows up in awesomebar for a second
> i will never know if she noticed or not
On her laptop?
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> GF can't F**KING STAY QUIET YOU BITCH!
> know mother heard
> Next morning get 'the look'
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
>move in with parents temporarily after leaving military
>one night, meet up with a female friend
>we flirt all the time
>very tactile and playful but it's just for fun
>one day during flirty play she puts get hands up my shirt and scratches F**KING DEEP all down my back
>next day I'm walking back to my room after a shower
>wearing only a towel wrapped round my waist
>mother sees my back, gives me a MAJORLY filthy look of disapproval
>thinks I'm a sexual deviant
>feels awkward man
UMM AWKWARD ENOUGH FOR YA Anonymous?!
>host New Year's party
>walk into guest bedroom to find 3 of your best friends sitting at the edge of the bed getting eaten out by your 4th best friend
>they pull you onto bed to join
>you look up to see a creepy unknown hippie sitting in the corner video taping your friends
Ummm. 100% true story guize.
Dan?
afdsafsd af sdfas
let dog sleep upstairs.
f**king wife.
dog gets idea that it can become 3 way
jumps on bed .. starts humping my leg.
>Flirt with nice girl for a while
>We really like each other, feels like this is going somewhere and will be great
>End up talking about our cellphones camera for some reason
>Asks if she can look at the pictures on it
>Does so even after I didnt really say yes
>Puts it down after a while
>She now avoids me like the plague
>...
>Oops forgot I had a bunch of pictures of my c**k and naked girls on it.
>meet girl
>shes hot
>talk with her a bunch
>talk to her the next day
>she doesn't know who I am
>get laid
>do this every day
Oh hey, Adam.
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> GF can't F**KING STAY QUIET YOU BITCH!
> know mother heard
> Next morning get 'the look'
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> Having sex with my parents
>with my parents
>parents
> GF plays in theater show
> GF is playing in the first show
> GF plays a hooker
> GF has break for 1.5 hour
> We walk to the beach together
> We have sex on the beach
> GF has to go back to play in 2nd show
> GF plays in 2nd show
> Anon's parents come to the show
> GF's mom comes too
> GF smells like sex and has sticks in hair
> Kinda weird, hope nobody noticed
>move in with parents temporarily after leaving military
>one night, meet up with a female friend
>we flirt all the time
>very tactile and playful but it's just for fun
>one day during flirty play she puts get hands up my shirt and scratches F**KING DEEP all down my back
>next day I'm walking back to my room after a shower
>wearing only a towel wrapped round my waist
>mother sees my back, gives me a MAJORLY filthy look of disapproval
>thinks I'm a sexual deviant
>feels awkward man
Oh and another story from the same time in my life:
>go steady with a girl
>I hate condoms, she's sllergic to latex, so she starts taking the pill
>we've only had sex three times when...
>"Anon, my period's late"
>OH SHI-
>mum help, I think I knocked up female
>mum is a f**king bro about it
>no preggo
>still feel awkward telling my mum I had sex
I bet 90% of these stories are made up
Oh and another story from the same time in my life:
>go steady with a girl
>I hate condoms, she's sllergic to latex, so she starts taking the pill
>we've only had sex three times when...
>"Anon, my period's late"
>OH SHI-
>mum help, I think I knocked up female
>mum is a f**king bro about it
>no preggo
>still feel awkward telling my mum I had sex
Same thing happened to me, bro.
Cept mine was a minor, and I woulda got in deep sh*t. Mum had my back, though. Booyah.
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
I bet 90% of these stories are made up
Right. Everyone else is a virgin loser like you.
> friend of opposite sex wants me to find a song on laptop
> youtube
> porn shows up in awesomebar for a second
> i will never know if she noticed or not
>They always notice.
That's for me.
>me gf and a friend go walk a random trail
>tell friend to go away so we can mess around
>gf and i start gettign sexual
>gfs hand in pants
>friend comes back c**kblocks me to f**k
>an hero
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
Oh god this is so hot, F**K. SO hot. Can I see pics of him? Pics of you?
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
lol that sucks, friend
>Get emotionally crushed by a girl
>Parade myself as either really gay or completely devoid of sexual drive, nobody knows
>Do all this stuff, best friend who is a girl thinks I am asexual
>Graduate
>Over the summer, go out with best friend because her tits are slammin'
>She has been going out with another one of my best friends for a year now, but they've been fighting occasionally.
>She breaks up with him, tells him she's seeing me.
>"Oh, okay. Good for you guys. :)"
>Hang out with new girlfriend and best friend as if everything is absolutely normal.
hi anonymous
This may seem ridiculous to you, but last time I owned a selfphone was basically 10 years ago (I'm 19 now) and now I'm considering buying one again. I need recommendations, I have no idea what should I look for. The only thing I can think of is that it would be cool if it had a touch screen. I've looked into nokia5230, seems great to me. Thoughts?
>cell phone breaks
>borrow dad's second work line in case of emergency
>take nude pictures of girlfriend with camera phone
>too broke to afford new phone
>months pass
>tax return, F**K YEAH NEW PHONE
>return dad's phone
>days later "Son, there's some pictures you might want to save or delete on here"
>remember nudie pics
>delete photos
>dad laughs knowingly, I laugh
>good times
>my dad's a bro
Everything went better than expected.
>went down on my girlfriend.
>forgot to brush my teeths.
>mother arrived my apartment, I proceeded to gave her a welcome hug.
>mother said I should use some mouthwash before hugging her.
hi anonymous
This may seem ridiculous to you, but last time I owned a selfphone was basically 10 years ago (I'm 19 now) and now I'm considering buying one again. I need recommendations, I have no idea what should I look for. The only thing I can think of is that it would be cool if it had a touch screen. I've looked into nokia5230, seems great to me. Thoughts?
>selfphone
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
You had wincest with both your parents and clearly only your father enjoyed it.
You lose buddy.
Oh god this is so hot, F**K. SO hot. Can I see pics of him? Pics of you?
I haven't talked to him since then. Why the f**k would you want a picture of me/him?
anywhere else OP's pic would be really awkward except its pretty tame on web
I haven't talked to him since then. Why the f**k would you want a picture of me/him?
To put faces to jerkoff
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
You had wincest with both your parents and clearly only your father enjoyed it.
You lose buddy.
>Having sex with my parents
WIIIINNCCEEEEESSSTT!!!!!
To put faces to jerkoff
Well, at least someone can still enjoy it.
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
I lol'd
what happened afterwards?
>Having sex with my parents
WIIIINNCCEEEEESSSTT!!!!!
Oh sh*t i forgot to add the post number i was referring to which is this one -->
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> GF can't F**KING STAY QUIET YOU BITCH!
> know mother heard
> Next morning get 'the look'
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
I doubt it, because she kinda liked me beforehand, and we've known each other since elementary school. This relationship can only end if I do something truly stupid (cheat, break up with her, whatever).
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> GF can't F**KING STAY QUIET YOU BITCH!
> know mother heard
> Next morning get 'the look'
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
You were having sex with your parents?
This thread made me f**king lol all over the place, well done anons
Well, at least someone can still enjoy it.
For some reason the idea of a straight teen with a straight dad getting f**ked and his dad finding out is really hot to me
great stories, anons. Keep going. Wish I had anything to share
I lol'd
what happened afterwards?
I haven't spoken to him since, so I have no idea what happened between his dad and him.
For some reason the idea of a straight teen with a straight dad getting f**ked and his dad finding out is really hot to me
Hey f**k you, I'm straight as well.
I haven't spoken to him since, so I have no idea what happened between his dad and him.
Hey f**k you, I'm straight as well.
But you f**ked a 15yr old boy in the ass. That's like the height of gay fantasy
I'm not denying it has consequences. Go f**k yourself. I understand if the relationship ends it's my goddamn fault.
I still didn't f**k the girl, or emotionally bond for her. I'm still possibly losing my girlfriend for making out once and sleeping in another girls bed. I understand these actions are bad.
Considering my girlfriend f**ked another guy twice while studying abroad in Paris, I feel this reaction from her is a bit unjustified though.
Go die in a fire a**hole.
You're so f**king ignorant. It's your f**king fault. You deserve to be dumped on your ass.
For some reason, I love these types of threads.
Keep 'em coming, anonymous.
>me gf and a friend go walk a random trail
>tell friend to go away so we can mess around
>gf and i start gettign sexual
>gfs hand in pants
>friend comes back c**kblocks me to f**k
>an hero
You're a f**king a**hole. I know your friend hates you now. Why bring him along if you are going to betray and start f**king in the wild like ni**ers?
>Having sex on neighbor's trampoline.
>Neighbors walk out of back door, start having sex on patio furniture.
>We can't leave because it's autumn and there are crunchy leaves all around the trampoline.
>Neighbor's dad walks out back door and takes a piss.
>Thinking to myself "F**K F**K F**K", while the couple f**king on the furniture is thinking "F**K F**K F**K".
>Patio furniture guy gets up, and smoothly tells his dad "Excuse me, sir. The restroom's inside." while leaving the chick behind some bushes.
>Father and son laugh and go inside.
>After while, girl goes inside.
>We GTFO of there.
That sh*t was nervewrecking.
>hugging girlfriend in bed
>mom opens door
>mom: what are you DOING?!
>me: We're hugging. Do you mind?
>hugging girlfriend in bed
>mom opens door
>mom: what are you DOING?!
>me: We're hugging. Do you mind?
>mom looks at you strangely wondering why on earth are you hugging your hand? =s
Link to video or it didn't happen.
we actually ended up tracking down where he lived and making him destroy the tape in front of us. apparently that makes us crazy bitches....for making him destroy a home porno of my 15 year old friends....ya know.
>i'm losing my virginity
>f**king like a tasmanian devil
>every time she shows signs of pleasure I clench my teeth to keep myself from laughing, no idea why I find this funny
>she starts coming, I look at her, stop thrusting and just burst out laughing my ass off
>sh*tstorm ensues
no idea why but to this day I still feel like laughing like a madman during sex.
>Don't ever get a girlfriend
>Parents think you are gay
>You are actually bisexual
>Only reason you aren't dating someone is because you're a loser
>i'm losing my virginity
>f**king like a tasmanian devil
>every time she shows signs of pleasure I clench my teeth to keep myself from laughing, no idea why I find this funny
>she starts coming, I look at her, stop thrusting and just burst out laughing my ass off
>sh*tstorm ensues
no idea why but to this day I still feel like laughing like a madman during sex.
because you're a f**king weird asshat
because you're a f**king weird asshat
Guess you're right. Ah well!
>i'm losing my virginity
>f**king like a tasmanian devil
>every time she shows signs of pleasure I clench my teeth to keep myself from laughing, no idea why I find this funny
>she starts coming, I look at her, stop thrusting and just burst out laughing my ass off
>sh*tstorm ensues
no idea why but to this day I still feel like laughing like a madman during sex.
I wish I was you.
I wish I was you.
These urges are not a laughing matter, my son!
>having sex in a hotel room in the morning
>forgot to put on a "do not disturb sign"
>making those classic creaky bed noises which only amuse and encourage us
>cleaninglady comes in, realises what she's walked in on and runs out of the room apologising
>both of us burst into laughter
I haven't spoken to him since, so I have no idea what happened between his dad and him.
Hey f**k you, I'm straight as well.
>I'm straight
>we start by sucking eachother off
>I'm straight
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him
>I'm straight
>I start pounding his ass
>I'm straight
>straight
>i'm losing my virginityDude, I laugh my ass off during sex too. I have no clue. She isn't funny looking or anything like that. Nothing funny is ever said. Sex isn't funnt in any way. I just laugh.
>f**king like a tasmanian devil
>every time she shows signs of pleasure I clench my teeth to keep myself from laughing, no idea why I find this funny
>she starts coming, I look at her, stop thrusting and just burst out laughing my ass off
>sh*tstorm ensues
no idea why but to this day I still feel like laughing like a madman during sex.
>I'm straight
>we start by sucking eachother off
>I'm straight
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him
>I'm straight
>I start pounding his ass
>I'm straight
>straight
Nope, not anymore!
>I'm straight
>we start by sucking eachother off
>I'm straight
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him
>I'm straight
>I start pounding his ass
>I'm straight
>straight
You're just jealous. :3
AMAZING THREAD! haha
>jacking off in room
>just as I'm cumming, Dad walks in,
> imediately dive forward so my torso hides my dick and pull jumper over
>Dad gets a bit of a shock, but imediately just turns around and starts examining the wall, then starts asking me questions about what I'm doing the next day pretending he didn't see anything.
>nothing is ever said of this again, forgot about it until now.
>?
>Masturbating with electric toothbrush,
>Mom hears toothbrush from down the hall,
>hears the obviously non tooth brushing steady pattern of it's motion and the motor stalling as I pressed it against my dick.
> Calls angrily from other end of house "What are you doing down there!?"
>I'm straight
>we start by sucking eachother off
>I'm straight
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him
>I'm straight
>I start pounding his ass
>I'm straight
>straight
Yea I'm 100% straight as well
AMAZING THREAD! haha
>jacking off in room
>just as I'm cumming, Dad walks in,
> imediately dive forward so my torso hides my dick and pull jumper over
>Dad gets a bit of a shock, but imediately just turns around and starts examining the wall, then starts asking me questions about what I'm doing the next day pretending he didn't see anything.
>nothing is ever said of this again, forgot about it until now.
>?
>Masturbating with electric toothbrush,
>Mom hears toothbrush from down the hall,
>hears the obviously non tooth brushing steady pattern of it's motion and the motor stalling as I pressed it against my dick.
> Calls angrily from other end of house "What are you doing down there!?"
LOL, did you used to pull the head of the toothbrush off as well? And just fap with the metal vibrating thing.
My step mother heard that too and just burst into my room, and I was like ERM IM CLEANING MY TEETH
I think you all are missing the big picture here.
OP is literally a fa**ot.
>never have girlfriend
>only fap when no one is around
>everyone things im gay with no sex drive
...yeeaahh
>f**king around in gf's basement
>dad walks downstairs to get a flashlight
>flashlight hanging on the wall right over the couch we were on
>pretends not to notice we were both covered up to our chins in same blanket with clothes on the floor
>doesn't shake my hand or make small talk any more
>Never been with a girl before
>Girl I had just gotten involved with comes to house
>Takes my hand and jams it down her pants
>She starts screaming loudly
>Dad is in a room immediately next to us, with door open, 10 feet away
>Comes out, gives me thumbs up, and leaves house
>first time ever having sex in grade nine
>gf's basement
>put on long-expired condom
>HNNNNGHHHH in about 2 thrusts
>pull out, condom is broken
>leave on summer holiday in foreign country next day for 2 weeks
>half the grade knows what happened within 3 hours
>first day of grade ten is awkward.
>Never been with a girl before
>Girl I had just gotten involved with comes to house
>Takes my hand and jams it down her pants
>She starts screaming loudly
>Dad is in a room immediately next to us, with door open, 10 feet away
>Comes out, gives me thumbs up, and leaves house
massive brofist to your dad.
>Finally get a girlfriend in senior year of high school
>Dad tells me to be responsible, getting older, "don't do anything stupid or you might regret"
>She never lets me get past first base
>Break up after a month
>Dad disappoint I didn't get laid
>feels bad man
>have casual sex with a male friend
>have causal sex with a female friend
>they end up going out
>I'm jealous of both of them.
>fooling around with girl behind the gym in HS
>apparently seen by someone
>up walks the dean of students and on-campus cop
>thought I was raping her
>awkward conversation in the office afterward
>Never been with a girl before
>Girl I had just gotten involved with comes to house
>Takes my hand and jams it down her pants
>She starts screaming loudly
>Dad is in a room immediately next to us, with door open, 10 feet away
>Comes out, gives me thumbs up, and leaves house
Oh god I hope this is true. Your dad is a f**king bro, a true Blastoise Dad if you will.
massive brofist to your dad.
Indeed. I think he was just relieved because he totally thought I was gay. I was a junior in high school, and pretty much only hung around dudes all the time. One of my later girlfriends was really hot, and he told me that if I broke up with her, he was going to f**k her. He is kind of crazy.
>Me age 18
>Meet 38 year old Cougar, ex supermodel, for a dirty weekend in Berlin
>Take prescription drugs and drink c**ktails all night
>She introduces me to the worlds of anal and analingus
>Tries to introduce me to world of bukkakke
>I cum up her nose
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
This is gold.
>Fap into toilet paper while parents are asleep
>Forget to flush
>Go to bed
>Get up next morning
>Dad says I left something in the toilet and should flush before I go to bed
>facepalm.jpg in my mind
>Not awkward with dad
>Dad is bro
LOL, did you used to pull the head of the toothbrush off as well? And just fap with the metal vibrating thing.
My step mother heard that too and just burst into my room, and I was like ERM IM CLEANING MY TEETH
Oh my GOD YES I DID! hahaha!
>it's by birthday
>girl is riding me with her skirt hiked up
>I'm naked
>mother in next room
>Dad comes home unexpectedly at lunch with my present
>knocks and opens door
>DON'T COME IN I'M CHANGING
>he holds present through door
>I take it, still topless
>He winks and says he'll, "let me get on with it!"
My Dad's a f**king bro.
>F**k girl
>Tell her I'm going to cum on her belly and tits
>Cum in her hair
This has happened a few times.
>F**k girl in the arse
>Cum
>Withdraw
>Pic related
I froze solid. The horror.
>F**k girlfriend on the patio
>7 year old brother walks out
>Waves awkwardly
>Tell him to get out of here
>He walks back in, and peeps around the screen door blinds
>See him
>Waves awkwardly again
>Rage
Later I explained we were getting changed.
"Ohhh!" he says.
>try to fap into toilet paper
>not enough toilet paper
>50% of my load gets on my desk
>can't find the cum
>friend comes over hour later
>anxiously hope friend doesn't find cumstain before i do
>me and girlfriend both watch a movie lying down on her couch
>her brothers in the chair next to us but we're under a blanket
>no condom with us so i start to finger her
>spit on my hand and lube up my dick
>gently make love to her ass then come inside of it
>little brother never notices
>first time i ever had anal
>coolface.jpg
I have two.
>Having sex with first girlfriend
>Dad confronts me about it later
>I get flustered
>He laughs and high fives me and says he's proud
>Having sex with my ex
>Sister shouts for me to be quiet
>Get a phone call from my mum a few minutes later
>"Ignore your sister, she's only jealous shes not getting any, be as loud as you want"
I f**king love my family.
>me and girlfriend both watch a movie lying down on her couch
>her brothers in the chair next to us but we're under a blanket
>no condom with us so i start to finger her
>spit on my hand and lube up my dick
>gently make love to her ass then come inside of it
>little brother never notices
>first time i ever had anal
>coolface.jpg
i was 15 and we did this alot
>watching DBZ at age 13
>get turned on(???) by Cell fusing with Android 18 and feel tingly
>attempt to replicate this strange new feeling in any way possible
>eventually think to use bicycle pump to blow air over clit, which turns out to feel amazing
>but loud
>going at it one night
>dad walks in going WHAT IS THAT NOISE
>holy f**king sh*t
>in cape cod with girlfriend and her family(grandparents too)
>her little brother and his friend are watching tv with us
>her mom is sleeping in one room grandparents in another
>little brother and friend go to sleep in bunkbeds right next to us
>pull a condom out of my backpack
>lose virginity in house full of people
>go wash dick off at sink
>girlfriends mom wakes up and i hear her walking over
>put dick away and dont get caught
>mom has no idea i just f**ked her daughter
>she goes back to bed and i f**k my girlfriend again
>i was only 14
>me and girlfriend both watch a movie lying down on her couch
>her brothers in the chair next to us but we're under a blanket
>no condom with us so i start to finger her
>spit on my hand and lube up my dick
>gently make love to her ass then come inside of it
>little brother never notices
>first time i ever had anal
>coolface.jpg
>in cape cod with girlfriend and her family(grandparents too)
>her little brother and his friend are watching tv with us
>her mom is sleeping in one room grandparents in another
>little brother and friend go to sleep in bunkbeds right next to us
>pull a condom out of my backpack
>lose virginity in house full of people
>go wash dick off at sink
>girlfriends mom wakes up and i hear her walking over
>put dick away and dont get caught
>mom has no idea i just f**ked her daughter
>she goes back to bed and i f**k my girlfriend again
>i was only 14
samef** btw
>spending a couple weeks at my gfs dads house with her because I my aparment complex has to get fumigated for termites or some sh*t or a gas leak idk
>gf has to go out of town for the night because of a college program
>the whole time me and her dad really chill, drink, smoke, and click and talk about all sorts of sexual thing/girls
>gf's dad says "Man I had the best f**k with this girl last Sunday, it was amazing."
>For a second I forget its my gfs dad and say"Yeah last night lauren let me f**k her ass and it was f**king hot."
>silence for about 10 minutes...
>Spooning girlfriend, no penetration
>Dad barges in room
>Blankets are over us
>We have full set of clothes on
Wait, that one sucked. Let me try again.
>Having loud feral sex early evening in my room at Uni
>Phone rings
>Fairly certain it's the girls next door hinting that we're really loud
Nope, that was really bad too. Sex is awkward in general, but I've yet to have something unbelievably awful happen involving a third party.
>watching DBZ at age 13
>get turned on(???) by Cell fusing with Android 18 and feel tingly
>attempt to replicate this strange new feeling in any way possible
>eventually think to use bicycle pump to blow air over clit, which turns out to feel amazing
>but loud
>going at it one night
>dad walks in going WHAT IS THAT NOISE
>holy f**king sh*t
why was this text and picture combo so funny?
I have two.
>Having sex with first girlfriend
>Dad confronts me about it later
>I get flustered
>He laughs and high fives me and says he's proud
>Having sex with my ex
>Sister shouts for me to be quiet
>Get a phone call from my mum a few minutes later
>"Ignore your sister, she's only jealous shes not getting any, be as loud as you want"
I f**king love my family.
I almost fell out of my chair I laughed so hard.
>spending a couple weeks at my gfs dads house with her because I my aparment complex has to get fumigated for termites or some sh*t or a gas leak idk
>gf has to go out of town for the night because of a college program
>the whole time me and her dad really chill, drink, smoke, and click and talk about all sorts of sexual thing/girls
>gf's dad says "Man I had the best f**k with this girl last Sunday, it was amazing."
>For a second I forget its my gfs dad and say"Yeah last night lauren let me f**k her ass and it was f**king hot."
>silence for about 10 minutes...
Oh man, I could just see your face go from "lawl, ur a bro" to "oh dear f**k, I'm going to die" instantly.
contribooting
>10th grade
>mom finds porn on computer, gives talk about no porn on computers
>dad comes home, walk into my room, sees porn on computer, say's "at least he's not gay"
>dad walks out
>mom shrugs, walks out
>spending a couple weeks at my gfs dads house with her because I my aparment complex has to get fumigated for termites or some sh*t or a gas leak idk
>gf has to go out of town for the night because of a college program
>the whole time me and her dad really chill, drink, smoke, and click and talk about all sorts of sexual thing/girls
>gf's dad says "Man I had the best f**k with this girl last Sunday, it was amazing."
>For a second I forget its my gfs dad and say"Yeah last night lauren let me f**k her ass and it was f**king hot."
>silence for about 10 minutes...
I facepalm'd. Then lol'd so hard.
During sex I've rarely had awkward moments, we got walked in on once, but that wasn't too bad. However.
>Into bondage
>I keep the ropes tied to the bed frame because I'm lazy
>Mom walks in to talk about something
>Stops in the middle of her sentence and stares at the ropes
>"What?"
>"*Sigh* Nothing, son"
Oh man, I could just see your face go from "lawl, ur a bro" to "oh dear f**k, I'm going to die" instantly.
yeah, thats pretty much what happened. oh and another one.
>night before gf has to leave
>we have anal sex (done it before a few times with good results) while her dad is in the next room awake at 2am.
>gf is moaning pretty loud and i say 'sweetie, you're being kind loud haha'
>gf totally ignores me
>i come buckets
next day
>gf's dad says to me "I'm alright with you sleepin in her bed, but if you get her pregnant I am honestly going to f**king beat the sh*t out of you and then kill you."
>At a party, eight of us in the same room all sleeping
>Fooling around, we have deadly silent sex, no condom
>Unexpectedly cum early
>'Woops lol, I've cum'
>'What the f**k'
>Gf gets up to wash herself out, I just lie there and do nothing
>Next morning
>Weird noises and breathing in the night blamed on other couple who were fast asleep the whole time
>coolface.jpg
>Never had a girlfriend
>Parents think I'm gay
>They have been thinking this for 3 years now
>Same, never had a GF
>Dad is a f**, wtf cares about him
>Mom has been thinking Im gay for 6 years
>Keep telling her no
>Mom finds my nude shots I took out of boredom
>Mom still says Im gayand a disgusting pervert
>sadfrog.jpg
>mom turns 360 degrees and walks forwards
>virgin
>dad thinks i'm gay
>go on trip on spring break, lose virginity
>first thing dad asks me when I get back "did you get laid?"
>tell him yes
>suddenly dad likes me now
>visiting her dad for the weekend
>nothing to do on Sunday afternoon (he lives in shorty rural area) so HAWT SECKZ
>we try really hard to be quiet and I'm convinced we made no noise
>later we go downstairs to fix dinner
>dad looks f**king crushed
>won't look me in the eye over dinner
>we all watch tv in silence that night and leave early next morning
>coolface.jpg
>still a highschool closetf**
>have purely sexual crush on friend
>friend is a christf**, his dad is a pastor who looks like Jesus with a haircut
>get high with him, somehow talk him into letting me suck his dick
>his dad walks in, sees us, silently leaves
>friend doesn't even notice, I finish him off and then GTFO without mentioning anything
>I avoid friend's house for several weeks due to awkwardness, but next time I see friend's dad in public he is friendly
>I go to friend's house again, but can't talk friend into fooling around any more
>his dad corners me in private and wants me to blow him
>commence three years of secretly having sex with friend's dad without friend ever finding out
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>years later, friend comes out as bi, confesses that he's attracted to me and has been repressing it
>we start dating, he has emotional/confidence issues
>eventually confesses to me that he's been getting f**ked by his dad on a regular basis since he hit puberty
>I try to keep my head from exploding
>he breaks up with me when I admit what I did with his dad
Every time I interact with either of them now, it's like a pure tsunami of liquid awkwardness crashing over the landscape and drowning me.
Heres one
>Go on boat
>Make out with girl completely naked
>Too cold to achieve boner
Another one
>Girl asks if I want to have sex
>Say yes
>She looks like shes debating if she should
>Takes off clothing, I stick in penis
>Realize shes on period
>Stop
Another one
>date girl for 5 months
>never have sex
>Finally get girlfriend
>It's impossible to get her to cum, she's cum 3 times in her life
>My antidepressants make it hard to stay erect and hard to cum
>Blowjobs make her gag
>Her handjobs suck
>She took my virginity and I couldn't feel sh*t through the condom
>Neither of us can get the other to orgasm
>Know she has awesome foursomes when she goes out of town
feelsawkwardman.jpg
>Having sex for the first time with a wh**re
>I'm nervous and trembling
>F**king with a condom on, not feeling anything
>She eventually tells me to go to bed
>I roll over without cumming, fall asleep
>I later hear from my brother she was turned off by my trembling, and although my dick is big, my balls are small
>Intimacy insecurity explodes by 9000%
3 years later
>First sexual contact since the sex failure
>Different girl is sucking too hard on my dick, it hurts
>Tell her it hurts
>She says it's supposed to feel good, keeps sucking too hard on the head
>Lose erection
>Try to get hard again and f**k
>Lose erection
>Doggystyle, not feeling anything, lose erection
Welp, f**k having sex again. And that was 2 years ago.
>Make out with guy while a little drunk
>Fall asleep next to him
>Wake up and blood stains all over his crotch from when you straddled him while making out
>Freeze in horror
>cold night, mom lets us sleep in the living room
>had anal sex in the morning, under the sheets
>autistic brother walks past, unaware of what we were doing
>waited for brother to go away, then continued
>no one knows to this day
Wait, who'd you have anal sex with?
>still a highschool closetf**
>have purely sexual crush on friend
>friend is a christf**, his dad is a pastor who looks like Jesus with a haircut
>get high with him, somehow talk him into letting me suck his dick
>his dad walks in, sees us, silently leaves
>friend doesn't even notice, I finish him off and then GTFO without mentioning anything
>I avoid friend's house for several weeks due to awkwardness, but next time I see friend's dad in public he is friendly
>I go to friend's house again, but can't talk friend into fooling around any more
>his dad corners me in private and wants me to blow him
>commence three years of secretly having sex with friend's dad without friend ever finding out
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>years later, friend comes out as bi, confesses that he's attracted to me and has been repressing it
>we start dating, he has emotional/confidence issues
>eventually confesses to me that he's been getting f**ked by his dad on a regular basis since he hit puberty
>I try to keep my head from exploding
>he breaks up with me when I admit what I did with his dad
Every time I interact with either of them now, it's like a pure tsunami of liquid awkwardness crashing over the landscape and drowning me.
Oh sweet Jesus. I'm so sorry. I laughed.
Repost:
Back when I was 15 or so
> Convince friend to experiment and we start by sucking eachother off.
> Convince friend to take it up the ass
> Start f**king him, but by the time I start pounding his ass his dad walks in
> dad freaks out and becomes hysterical. Rushes downstairs and starts crying profusely.
> Friend curls up and silently weeps.
This is cash.
>Having sex for the first time with a wh**re
>I'm nervous and trembling
>F**king with a condom on, not feeling anything
>She eventually tells me to go to bed
>I roll over without cumming, fall asleep
>I later hear from my brother she was turned off by my trembling, and although my dick is big, my balls are small
>Intimacy insecurity explodes by 9000%
3 years later
>First sexual contact since the sex failure
>Different girl is sucking too hard on my dick, it hurts
>Tell her it hurts
>She says it's supposed to feel good, keeps sucking too hard on the head
>Lose erection
>Try to get hard again and f**k
>Lose erection
>Doggystyle, not feeling anything, lose erection
Welp, f**k having sex again. And that was 2 years ago.
From all those bawww bros from anonymous, I believe you're the one I most feel sorry.
>still a highschool closetf**
>have purely sexual crush on friend
>friend is a christf**, his dad is a pastor who looks like Jesus with a haircut
>get high with him, somehow talk him into letting me suck his dick
>his dad walks in, sees us, silently leaves
>friend doesn't even notice, I finish him off and then GTFO without mentioning anything
>I avoid friend's house for several weeks due to awkwardness, but next time I see friend's dad in public he is friendly
>I go to friend's house again, but can't talk friend into fooling around any more
>his dad corners me in private and wants me to blow him
>commence three years of secretly having sex with friend's dad without friend ever finding out
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>years later, friend comes out as bi, confesses that he's attracted to me and has been repressing it
>we start dating, he has emotional/confidence issues
>eventually confesses to me that he's been getting f**ked by his dad on a regular basis since he hit puberty
>I try to keep my head from exploding
>he breaks up with me when I admit what I did with his dad
Every time I interact with either of them now, it's like a pure tsunami of liquid awkwardness crashing over the landscape and drowning me.
Crap. That hurts bad.
>still a highschool closetf**
>have purely sexual crush on friend
>friend is a christf**, his dad is a pastor who looks like Jesus with a haircut
>get high with him, somehow talk him into letting me suck his dick
>his dad walks in, sees us, silently leaves
>friend doesn't even notice, I finish him off and then GTFO without mentioning anything
>I avoid friend's house for several weeks due to awkwardness, but next time I see friend's dad in public he is friendly
>I go to friend's house again, but can't talk friend into fooling around any more
>his dad corners me in private and wants me to blow him
>commence three years of secretly having sex with friend's dad without friend ever finding out
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>years later, friend comes out as bi, confesses that he's attracted to me and has been repressing it
>we start dating, he has emotional/confidence issues
>eventually confesses to me that he's been getting f**ked by his dad on a regular basis since he hit puberty
>I try to keep my head from exploding
>he breaks up with me when I admit what I did with his dad
Every time I interact with either of them now, it's like a pure tsunami of liquid awkwardness crashing over the landscape and drowning me.
Is this real? Holy balls.
>still a highschool closetf**
>have purely sexual crush on friend
>friend is a christf**, his dad is a pastor who looks like Jesus with a haircut
>get high with him, somehow talk him into letting me suck his dick
>his dad walks in, sees us, silently leaves
>friend doesn't even notice, I finish him off and then GTFO without mentioning anything
>I avoid friend's house for several weeks due to awkwardness, but next time I see friend's dad in public he is friendly
>I go to friend's house again, but can't talk friend into fooling around any more
>his dad corners me in private and wants me to blow him
>commence three years of secretly having sex with friend's dad without friend ever finding out
>everythingwentbetterthanexpected.jpg
>years later, friend comes out as bi, confesses that he's attracted to me and has been repressing it
>we start dating, he has emotional/confidence issues
>eventually confesses to me that he's been getting f**ked by his dad on a regular basis since he hit puberty
>I try to keep my head from exploding
>he breaks up with me when I admit what I did with his dad
Every time I interact with either of them now, it's like a pure tsunami of liquid awkwardness crashing over the landscape and drowning me.
bullsh*t
bullsh*t
>selfphone
I kinda like the term "Selfphone"
From all those bawww bros from anonymous, I believe you're the one I most feel sorry.
S'all good. Can't win them all.
I have a lot of these. Lemme think back.
>First girlfriend and I fool about in her room. I'm 11, she's 13.
>Grab her boobs
>Reach into her pants
>Find wetness
>Freak
>Run to the bathroom, wash hand
This happened a couple weeks ago
>lose virginity to hot girl, but is apparently a slut
>couldn't fit dick in
>she denies sex
>everyone thinks I have a big dick now
>only a matter of time till they find out I don't...
I have a lot of these. Lemme think back.
>First girlfriend and I fool about in her room. I'm 11, she's 13.
>Grab her boobs
>Reach into her pants
>Find wetness
>Freak
>Run to the bathroom, wash hand
That made me smile. So cute.
I have a lot of these. Lemme think back.
>First girlfriend and I fool about in her room. I'm 11, she's 13.
>Grab her boobs
>Reach into her pants
>Find wetness
>Freak
>Run to the bathroom, wash hand
sorry but oh gawd I lawl'd
>first sexual relationship
>after sex she goes to the bathroom, sits on the toilet and coughs to make the cum drip out of her vag
>suddenly I am aware of why my mum used to creep to the bathroom and cough late at night despite no respiratory problems
>F**KING EEEEEWWWWW
>first sexual relationship
>after sex she goes to the bathroom, sits on the toilet and coughs to make the cum drip out of her vag
>suddenly I am aware of why my mum used to creep to the bathroom and cough late at night despite no respiratory problems
>F**KING EEEEEWWWWW
I was not aware of this. Gross.
>spending a couple weeks at my gfs dads house with her because I my aparment complex has to get fumigated for termites or some sh*t or a gas leak idk
>gf has to go out of town for the night because of a college program
>the whole time me and her dad really chill, drink, smoke, and click and talk about all sorts of sexual thing/girls
>gf's dad says "Man I had the best f**k with this girl last Sunday, it was amazing."
>For a second I forget its my gfs dad and say"Yeah last night lauren let me f**k her ass and it was f**king hot."
>silence for about 10 minutes...
Epic.
>going down on new girlfriend
>notice she is much wetter than average
>make her cum 3 times
>sneak her out(she was my sister's best friend)
>go to bathroom to clean up
>looks like I have bathed in blood
>run to bedroom
>sheets and mattress look as if I have murdered a small family on them
>get drunk
>feel up girls
>they add me on facebook
>post about it on my wall
Epic.
>going down on new girlfriend
>notice she is much wetter than average
>make her cum 3 times
>sneak her out(she was my sister's best friend)
>go to bathroom to clean up
>looks like I have bathed in blood
>run to bedroom
>sheets and mattress look as if I have murdered a small family on them
This was when I was 16 or 17, so nearly a decade ago.
I earned my Crimson Wings.
Epic.
>going down on new girlfriend
>notice she is much wetter than average
>make her cum 3 times
>sneak her out(she was my sister's best friend)
>go to bathroom to clean up
>looks like I have bathed in blood
>run to bedroom
>sheets and mattress look as if I have murdered a small family on them
I'm calling bullsh*t. Period blood f**king stinks, and feels much thicker / slimier than normal vag wetness.
I'm calling bullsh*t. Period blood f**king stinks, and feels much thicker / slimier than normal vag wetness.
Believe it or not, she was a virgin and I was a little bit tipsy. Not to mention I have never cared if a girl was bleeding.
She did tell me she must have just started after we talked about it.
I'm calling bullsh*t. Period blood f**king stinks, and feels much thicker / slimier than normal vag wetness.
I dunno man, it's very different from girl to girl. My first GF's period was really light and spotty so much that I didn't even care about getting the red wings, but my current GF's period is like the beach scene from saving private ryan.
>xXxHardcore Sex : Squritin' BabesxXx
>Dad says "I hope that's a wrestling site."
>YES IT IS HARDCORE MICK FOLEY DOT CO DOT UK AND IT HAS VIDEOS OF MICK FOLEY'S MATCHES AND I REALLY ENJOY WATCHING THEM DAD
this thread hasn't 404'd yet..?
>xXxHardcore Sex : Squritin' BabesxXx
>Dad says "I hope that's a wrestling site."
>YES IT IS HARDCORE MICK FOLEY DOT CO DOT UK AND IT HAS VIDEOS OF MICK FOLEY'S MATCHES AND I REALLY ENJOY WATCHING THEM DAD
Don't be mad, he was trying to be a bro.
Don't be mad, he was trying to be a bro.
Naw, he said it with a conservative "I am disappoint" face.
>> Spent my b-day party at a pub and invited my friends. Told mom I would be at pub the whole night
>> Some friends had to go to their homes; me, a boy and a girl had to find a place to stay the whole dawn until we can take subway by the morning.
>> Happened that the boy phoned a friend and she let us stay.
>> Did nothing, only had food and good talking.
>> Mom calls up 5am asking where I am, I tell her I was going to subway. She replies "but is so.... quiet there"
>> My friends and the other girl burst in laught for random reason. Mom sighs and turn off.
>> Since this thay mom thinks I'm a wh**re who gets drunk and stay in random places. Thing is I'm virgin, so it's not fair at all.
>Having sex with girlfriend in hotel room
>Her brother is in the next bed, snoring loudly
>Continue f**king like a champ
>about to cum
>snoring stops, blankets move
>finish anyway, go to bathroom for post-sex cleanup
>see brother next morning
>hands me copy of Cosmo with sex tips on the cover, glaring
>Problem, older brother?
We still lol about this one
>> Spent my b-day party at a pub and invited my friends. Told mom I would be at pub the whole night
>> Some friends had to go to their homes; me, a boy and a girl had to find a place to stay the whole dawn until we can take subway by the morning.
>> Happened that the boy phoned a friend and she let us stay.
>> Did nothing, only had food and good talking.
>> Mom calls up 5am asking where I am, I tell her I was going to subway. She replies "but is so.... quiet there"
>> My friends and the other girl burst in laught for random reason. Mom sighs and turn off.
>> Since this thay mom thinks I'm a wh**re who gets drunk and stay in random places. Thing is I'm virgin, so it's not fair at all.
bitches an-
>virgin
mai waifu
I dunno man, it's very different from girl to girl. My first GF's period was really light and spotty so much that I didn't even care about getting the red wings, but my current GF's period is like the beach scene from saving private ryan.
Wtf? I've never seen any of my girlfriends' periods.
Why do they show this to you??
I'm not denying it has consequences. Go f**k yourself. I understand if the relationship ends it's my goddamn fault.
I still didn't f**k the girl, or emotionally bond for her. I'm still possibly losing my girlfriend for making out once and sleeping in another girls bed. I understand these actions are bad.
Considering my girlfriend f**ked another guy twice while studying abroad in Paris, I feel this reaction from her is a bit unjustified though.
Go die in a fire a**hole.
Your girlfriend cheats on you twice?
and you just make out drunkenly with some bitch?
you have a perfectly fine relationship, then it fall starts falling part?
F**k, your girlfriend obviously doesn't want a relationship with you and is just looking for an excuse to get out of it. She has no right to bitch at you.
>Meet ronery weaboo girl off of craigslist
>Decide to hang out
>Pick her up at 11:00 PM
>She's an even bigger hambeast then expected
>Drive around for ten minutes
>Park in parking lot
>Immediately start fondling huge tits
>Finger her
>She blows me
>Get condom on
>Awkwardly lay my average frame over her huge body
>can't find vag in layers of fat
>Start thrusting anyway
>get in hole
>Thrust multiple times, can't feel anything because of condom
>mouth latched to nipple
>Use her vag as a masturbatory aid
>Cum
>Collapse on her, stomach and tits like a big pillow
>Awkward drive home
>Never see her again
>Lost virginity anyway
This took place when I lost my virginity. Living at home with thin walls and sleeping in a squeeky bunk bed that smashes against the wall.
It all went fine until my mother decided to wake up, go to the kitchen and make a sammich.
I was on top of her, and we were both facing towards the door, listening for when mom would be done.
>starting to crave for sammich myself
>continue f**king after a couple minutes of really awesome awkwardness.
We also have the time when I was getting a wakeup handjob on my birthday by my girlfriend. Mom opens the door, when the girlfriend's still going at it do mind, and hands me a can of Ben 'n' Jerry's, presents, and then closes the door.
>Girlfriend continues fapping
>I came
>Ate my icecream
Awesome birthday.
Also.
>Fapping in bathroom, then suddenly hearing "ARE YOU DONE YET?".
Turns out my mom's been sitting outside waiting the whole time.
Haven't had sex for 10 months now so I haven't really got any fresh stories, sadly.
Not one, not two, but THREE stories of my own awkward shotafa**otry:
guy #1:
>start sexually experimenting with friend in late elementary/early middle school
>it goes on for a year even though we both feel horribly guilty about it
>eventually he cuts things off, even though I didn't want to
>I realize for the first time that I am a fa**ot
>we quickly drift apart in a rather unfortunate way
>six years later we meet by random chance, he's become an ultra-hickish good ol' boy, the awkwardness is so bad we can't even look eachother in the eye
guy #2:
>in middle school, talk my best friend into fooling around a bit
>it only happens a few times and doesn't go very far
>we never speak of it again
>about ten years later, I come out of the closet
>he's a bit surprised, but is a bro about it
>he's still my best friend, but I feel awkward every time I remember that I fooled around with him
guy #3:
>in middle school, my older cousin and I fool around several times over the course of a several years when he visits
>involves me giving him homoerotic backrubs and every once in a while touching each other's dicks
>he refuses to ever take it further, making me FFFFFUUUUU and suffer blue balls every time
>eight years later, I have way more sexual confidence and am semi-out of the closet
>see cousin again, he randomly pulls out his dick to show it off to me in the same kind of "tee-hee" fooling around way even though we are both adults now
>His dick has turned into a delicious-looking horsec**k so I offer to blow him, he reacts with "omg no way that's gay man"
>I call him a repressed fa**ot and a c**kblocker and tell him to come out of the closet
>about a week later he gets sh*tfaced and drunkenly asks me to jack him off, I tell him he has to suck my dick first, he says that's gay and refuses, I tell him to f**k off
>feelsgoodman.jpg
Wtf? I've never seen any of my girlfriends' periods.
Why do they show this to you??
If you're in a long term relationship you'll see their periods eventually. Along with seeing them go to the bathroom, fart in bed, etc etc
Wtf? I've never seen any of my girlfriends' periods.
Why do they show this to you??
Really? It always comes up at one point or another for me. Mostly stupid bitches "OMG MY PERIODZ IS L8!! I'VE ONLY BLED OUT HALF A LITER" or something to the effect. Honestly eating a girl out on her period isn't like throw up gross to me, just a minor unpleasantness.
>Meet ronery weaboo girl off of craigslist
>Decide to hang out
>Pick her up at 11:00 PM
>She's an even bigger hambeast then expected
>Drive around for ten minutes
>Park in parking lot
>Immediately start fondling huge tits
>Finger her
>She blows me
>Get condom on
>Awkwardly lay my average frame over her huge body
>can't find vag in layers of fat
>Start thrusting anyway
>get in hole
>Thrust multiple times, can't feel anything because of condom
>mouth latched to nipple
>Use her vag as a masturbatory aid
>Cum
>Collapse on her, stomach and tits like a big pillow
>Awkward drive home
>Never see her again
>Lost virginity anyway
>Lost virginity anyway
I said 'Good God', out loud
Not one, not two, but THREE stories of my own awkward shotafa**otry:
guy #1:
>start sexually experimenting with friend in late elementary/early middle school
>it goes on for a year even though we both feel horribly guilty about it
>eventually he cuts things off, even though I didn't want to
>I realize for the first time that I am a fa**ot
>we quickly drift apart in a rather unfortunate way
>six years later we meet by random chance, he's become an ultra-hickish good ol' boy, the awkwardness is so bad we can't even look eachother in the eye
guy #2:
>in middle school, talk my best friend into fooling around a bit
>it only happens a few times and doesn't go very far
>we never speak of it again
>about ten years later, I come out of the closet
>he's a bit surprised, but is a bro about it
>he's still my best friend, but I feel awkward every time I remember that I fooled around with him
guy #3:
>in middle school, my older cousin and I fool around several times over the course of a several years when he visits
>involves me giving him homoerotic backrubs and every once in a while touching each other's dicks
>he refuses to ever take it further, making me FFFFFUUUUU and suffer blue balls every time
>eight years later, I have way more sexual confidence and am semi-out of the closet
>see cousin again, he randomly pulls out his dick to show it off to me in the same kind of "tee-hee" fooling around way even though we are both adults now
>His dick has turned into a delicious-looking horsec**k so I offer to blow him, he reacts with "omg no way that's gay man"
>I call him a repressed fa**ot and a c**kblocker and tell him to come out of the closet
>about a week later he gets sh*tfaced and drunkenly asks me to jack him off, I tell him he has to suck my dick first, he says that's gay and refuses, I tell him to f**k off
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>Ican'tfaptothis.jpg
details man, details
>f**king my girl
>pounding her vag pretty hard
>tells me she's gonna cum
>I pull c**k out to lick her click to finish her off
>She pulls me back to her by my hair
>Accidental headbutt
>Blood everywhere.
>No orgasm.
>Lost virginity anyway
I said 'Good God', out loud
One of the failest nights of my life, but at least that's over with. And I manned up and f**ked the bitch, that's gotta count for something.
One of the failest nights of my life, but at least that's over with. And I manned up and f**ked the bitch, that's gotta count for something.
Well we certainly can't fault your comme il faut
>be 12 and have ass hole step dad tell you to leave your moms room so he can f**k her
>think he is joking and laugh and walk away
>hear the bed banging against the wall and people moaning in the room
>cry
>tell mom shes a nasty slut
>10 years pass
>f**k my girlfriend loud as f**k all the time in my room
>mother never says anything because of the regret from 10 years ago
I win
>Ican'tfaptothis.jpg
details man, details
There aren't many details because it honestly all sucked. Horribly awkward 'sex' that barely went anywhere because none of us knew what we were doing and were all terrified of being "zomg the gay". I think the furthest I ever went was with guy #1 with us attempting anal on each other a few times and failing miserably. I was an early bloomer so my dick was too big to fit, and he didn't know what he was doing so it just jabbed it in and caused me to go "OH GOD THAT'S HURTS TAKE IT OUT". Not a lot of fun. Trading blowjobs was the only decent thing I got out of either guy #1 or guy #2, and I never got more than a brief taste of c**k from guy #3.
This is why I don't understand why so many of my fellow f**s lust after straight guys. Even if you land one, they don't know what to do, are horribly nervous and awkward, and don't f**king reciprocate at all.
>f**king my girl
>pounding her vag pretty hard
>tells me she's gonna cum
>I pull c**k out to lick her click to finish her off
>She pulls me back to her by my hair
>Accidental headbutt
>Blood everywhere.
>No orgasm.
i f**king lol'ed
>f**king my girl
>pounding her vag pretty hard
>tells me she's gonna cum
>I pull c**k out to lick her click to finish her off
>She pulls me back to her by my hair
>Accidental headbutt
>Blood everywhere.
>No orgasm.
>click
>click
>click
>click
>click
>click
>Meet ronery weaboo girl off of craigslist
>Decide to hang out
>Pick her up at 11:00 PM
>She's an even bigger hambeast then expected
>Drive around for ten minutes
>Park in parking lot
>Immediately start fondling huge tits
>Finger her
>She blows me
>Get condom on
>Awkwardly lay my average frame over her huge body
>can't find vag in layers of fat
>Start thrusting anyway
>get in hole
>Thrust multiple times, can't feel anything because of condom
>mouth latched to nipple
>Use her vag as a masturbatory aid
>Cum
>Collapse on her, stomach and tits like a big pillow
>Awkward drive home
>Never see her again
>Lost virginity anyway
I've had a 99% similar experience. Let's talk about it or something.
this is the best i got
>"my period's late"
>"FUUUUUUUUU"
>$20 on preg tests
>come up negative
>next day has period
>i ask for my $20 back
>Bored at home, alone
>Call random chubby girl, despite not being into them
>Drive over, pick her up
>We f**k so lovelessly that she has to ask if she can kiss me
>Stare at her wide-eyed and apologise
I've had a 99% similar experience. Let's talk about it or something.
What was your 1% difference?
Also, I was 180 lbs at the time, 5'11". She was like 5'7" and 200. 36D cups. It was all stomach fat. And purple hair.
>click
>click
>click
>click
>click
>click
yeah dude typo. It happens. I meant clit.
this is the best i got
>"my period's late"
>"FUUUUUUUUU"
>$20 on preg tests
>come up negative
>next day has period
>i ask for my $20 back
Holy f**k THIS.
>same scenario
>go to supermarket intending to use self-service for anonymity
>preggo test kits are in security boxes
>FFFUUU
>scan the box
>old lady looking after the checkouts has to call a (female) manager to approve the purchase and unlock the plastic box
>they give me the filthiest looks EVAR
>feels shamed man
>Bored at home, alone
>Call random chubby girl, despite not being into them
>Drive over, pick her up
>We f**k so lovelessly that she has to ask if she can kiss me
>Stare at her wide-eyed and apologise
I laughed so hard at this
- meet girl off internet
- get a room together
- too drunk, can barely sustain a boner
- very awkward attempt at sex
- end up just cuddling together and watching tv til we sleep
- f**k her hard the next morning
- we both came
- feelsgoodman
Not one, not two, but THREE stories of my own awkward shotafa**otry:
guy #1:
>start sexually experimenting with friend in late elementary/early middle school
>it goes on for a year even though we both feel horribly guilty about it
>eventually he cuts things off, even though I didn't want to
>I realize for the first time that I am a fa**ot
>we quickly drift apart in a rather unfortunate way
>six years later we meet by random chance, he's become an ultra-hickish good ol' boy, the awkwardness is so bad we can't even look eachother in the eye
guy #2:
>in middle school, talk my best friend into fooling around a bit
>it only happens a few times and doesn't go very far
>we never speak of it again
>about ten years later, I come out of the closet
>he's a bit surprised, but is a bro about it
>he's still my best friend, but I feel awkward every time I remember that I fooled around with him
guy #3:
>in middle school, my older cousin and I fool around several times over the course of a several years when he visits
>involves me giving him homoerotic backrubs and every once in a while touching each other's dicks
>he refuses to ever take it further, making me FFFFFUUUUU and suffer blue balls every time
>eight years later, I have way more sexual confidence and am semi-out of the closet
>see cousin again, he randomly pulls out his dick to show it off to me in the same kind of "tee-hee" fooling around way even though we are both adults now
>His dick has turned into a delicious-looking horsec**k so I offer to blow him, he reacts with "omg no way that's gay man"
>I call him a repressed fa**ot and a c**kblocker and tell him to come out of the closet
>about a week later he gets sh*tfaced and drunkenly asks me to jack him off, I tell him he has to suck my dick first, he says that's gay and refuses, I tell him to f**k off
>feelsgoodman.jpg
you're an alpha male f**?
rock on dude.
are you a sexy little twink or a bear?
>Hide in closet because underage girl's brother came home
>Awkward, scary
>Hear, "I heard someone inside" from brother, some yelling / muffled speech.
>Freaking out, extremely flustered and hot, feels like eternity, compare it to actual Hell.
>Door opens, think it's brother at first, heart stops.
>See girl, relieved, I think she's an angel for saving me.
>Lay in bed, cuddle with girl for first time ever. Feels good man, but also very awkward/new.
>First base, second Base, almost third base.
>Boner is apparent, she wants to see it, feels it.
>Call her a tease.
>Get blowjob, mInd explodes.
>Get worried about sucking noises waking up brother down the hall.
>Takes forever to orgasm because I've never felt it/not used to it/potentially scary situation.
>Orgasm, ejaculate a fountain of semen.
>Contemplate actions, actions affirmed and relieved.
>Sleep for a couple hours.
>Sneak out of house, feel like a different person.
>Tell friends because I was the last to have any kind of sex.
I'd do it all over again :S
What was your 1% difference?
Also, I was 180 lbs at the time, 5'11". She was like 5'7" and 200. 36D cups. It was all stomach fat. And purple hair.
>blonde
>not in my car
>not form craiglist
the rest is similar, i went through the same things
>Bored at home, alone
>Call random chubby girl, despite not being into them
>Drive over, pick her up
>We f**k so lovelessly that she has to ask if she can kiss me
>Stare at her wide-eyed and apologise
Ahhh. Soul crushing sex. Gotta love it.
dodged that f**king bullet
Oh hey, Adam.
>My name is Adam.
>Crap pants.
great laugh if that story is true
Holy f**k THIS.
>same scenario
>go to supermarket intending to use self-service for anonymity
>preggo test kits are in security boxes
>FFFUUU
>scan the box
>old lady looking after the checkouts has to call a (female) manager to approve the purchase and unlock the plastic box
>they give me the filthiest looks EVAR
>feels shamed man
Same, dude.
>Girl I'm seeing has 2 weeks without period
>Assume I'm going to be a Dad
>Turns out to be a reaction to the emergency contraceptive
>Different girl, same deal
>Rush over, leaving friend who's visiting my city alone, to comfort her
>Next day, period
>Different girl, same deal
>Panic
>Turns out to be nothing
>Only this time, she switches to the daily contraceptive pill
High five, ex girlfriend's uterus lining!
not really sex but def relationship
Okay, so my girlfriend was supposed to come over to my house today because I was going to go take her to a movie. She lives about 20 minutes away, and the movie we were supposed to see started at 4:15, which was in about 40 minutes. I figured "cool, I'll just play Pokemon while I wait".
So I'm playing Pokemon, and having a pretty damn good time. Anyway, she finally does show up, except she's crying as she walks into my room. Instead of doing the right thing by comforting her, I half-focus on my game and her. She starts telling me her cat died, and just as she was getting into it, I get into a random encounter in my game.
A shiny pidgey. Holy sh*t. (For those of you who don't know/care, shiny Pokemon have less than a 1/1,000 chance of appearing; 1/8192 to be exact.). I stare into my screen in amazement, yelling "holy sh*t, YES", interrupting her mid-story. She sobs more, and she starts to yell "You don't even f**king care! YOU JUST WANT TO PLAY YOUR F**KING GAME!" I'm still looking at my screen, still focusing on catching my shiny Pidgey, when she walks over, and tosses the game against the wall. I run over and pick up my DS hoping that nothing has changed on screen, and quickly noticed that she broke it. My system and my shiny Pidgey, gone forever.
I start screaming every obscenity I know, and started flailing my arms around. I didn't know she was behind me, and apparently I backhanded her in the face while I was being a dumbass and swinging my fists around. She yells out "F**K YOU", and runs out of my house in tears.
What have I done? I've f**ked up so badly, and I need to know how to approach her. I don't want a game of Pokemon to be responsible for ruining my best relationship ever. Help me, bee.
F**king delicious pasta.
>blonde
>not in my car
>not form craiglist
the rest is similar, i went through the same things
Well that's life, right? Had to lose it sometime.
>f**ked my own mom
you're an alpha male f**?
rock on dude.
are you a sexy little twink or a bear?
>are you a sexy little twink or a bear?
At the time of the stories I was a rather scrawny, twinkish shotaf**. I have since developed into a regularf**, average build, not outwardly gay (like most gay guys, really). Which is probably why my cousin didn't realize that I was a f** (I was out to my immediate friends and family, but not to him). I am still 100% convinced that he is in the closet to himself--he has all the signs of a repressedf**.
It sounds like you ripped off that one popular FML and added a stupid ending.
This thread has kept me amused for an hour now
Worth an archive
It sounds like you ripped off that one popular FML and added a stupid ending.
I wish, man. When I first started sleeping with her, I didn't know she had a reputation as a crazy slut. But once I broke up with her, oh boy did my friends not let me outlive that for a while. I still get teased about her every once in a while, even years later.
Oh man. Here's one for you all.
>At end of high school party
>Popular cheerleader, Kim, has her boyfriend leave her for some reason
>We were taking a photography class together, we talk
>She offers me a ride to hers, plastered
>Drives me drunk
>We get to her place, she grabs me and kisses me
>Spreads a plastic sheet on her mattress
>I frown, but she jacks me off, so whatever
>Whips out the anal beads
>I shake my head
>"You want to f**k me, though, don't you?"
>Pouts at me
>Suddenly my ass is full of beads
>She squeals
>Rips them all out
>I sh*t everywhere, all over her mattress
>She dives into it, naked and muddy, rolling about like some kind of f**king wild boar, moaning
>I wipe my ass on my boxers, leave them there, get dressed, go downstairs and call a cab
>By the time it arrives she's still not come downstairs
When I got home I was already deleted from her facebook, and a message told me if I told anyone about it she'd get me beaten up.
I was thankful for the great story, though. Shame I can't tell it to anyone from my hometown
It sounds like you ripped off that one popular FML and added a stupid ending.
Since when does FML have popular stories about incestuous girls trying to trap men into pregnancy? I could use a link. Just to, uh, satisfy my morbid curiousity, of course.
Oh man. Here's one for you all.
>At end of high school party
>Popular cheerleader, Kim, has her boyfriend leave her for some reason
>We were taking a photography class together, we talk
>She offers me a ride to hers, plastered
>Drives me drunk
>We get to her place, she grabs me and kisses me
>Spreads a plastic sheet on her mattress
>I frown, but she jacks me off, so whatever
>Whips out the anal beads
>I shake my head
>"You want to f**k me, though, don't you?"
>Pouts at me
>Suddenly my ass is full of beads
>She squeals
>Rips them all out
>I sh*t everywhere, all over her mattress
>She dives into it, naked and muddy, rolling about like some kind of f**king wild boar, moaning
>I wipe my ass on my boxers, leave them there, get dressed, go downstairs and call a cab
>By the time it arrives she's still not come downstairs
When I got home I was already deleted from her facebook, and a message told me if I told anyone about it she'd get me beaten up.
I was thankful for the great story, though. Shame I can't tell it to anyone from my hometown
Holy sh*t did I lol
especially your description of her as a boar
boar just in case
Oh man. Here's one for you all.
>At end of high school party
>Popular cheerleader, Kim, has her boyfriend leave her for some reason
>We were taking a photography class together, we talk
>She offers me a ride to hers, plastered
>Drives me drunk
>We get to her place, she grabs me and kisses me
>Spreads a plastic sheet on her mattress
>I frown, but she jacks me off, so whatever
>Whips out the anal beads
>I shake my head
>"You want to f**k me, though, don't you?"
>Pouts at me
>Suddenly my ass is full of beads
>She squeals
>Rips them all out
>I sh*t everywhere, all over her mattress
>She dives into it, naked and muddy, rolling about like some kind of f**king wild boar, moaning
>I wipe my ass on my boxers, leave them there, get dressed, go downstairs and call a cab
>By the time it arrives she's still not come downstairs
When I got home I was already deleted from her facebook, and a message told me if I told anyone about it she'd get me beaten up.
I was thankful for the great story, though. Shame I can't tell it to anyone from my hometown
Oh man. Here's one for you all.
>At end of high school party
>Popular cheerleader, Kim, has her boyfriend leave her for some reason
>We were taking a photography class together, we talk
>She offers me a ride to hers, plastered
>Drives me drunk
>We get to her place, she grabs me and kisses me
>Spreads a plastic sheet on her mattress
>I frown, but she jacks me off, so whatever
>Whips out the anal beads
>I shake my head
>"You want to f**k me, though, don't you?"
>Pouts at me
>Suddenly my ass is full of beads
>She squeals
>Rips them all out
>I sh*t everywhere, all over her mattress
>She dives into it, naked and muddy, rolling about like some kind of f**king wild boar, moaning
>I wipe my ass on my boxers, leave them there, get dressed, go downstairs and call a cab
>By the time it arrives she's still not come downstairs
When I got home I was already deleted from her facebook, and a message told me if I told anyone about it she'd get me beaten up.
I was thankful for the great story, though. Shame I can't tell it to anyone from my hometown
There's no way dude.
There's just no way.
>bring girlfriend home
>take her to my room and put on some music and start fooling around.
>she's giving me the best head i've ever had.
>dad opens door quietly.
>her eyes are closed and she don't notice.
>dad looks at me and gives me a thumbs up.
>he quietly closes door
>i finish getting blowjorb and then proceed to f**k her.
>tell her to get loud that it's okay.
>she completely lets go and gets loud as hell.
>after some hot, sweaty, and loud pigsex later i take her home
>come back home and dad has a blunt already rolled and a few drinks poured.
>son i am proud.
dad's a total bro.
sigh
>first time having sex for both of us
>no lube
>she is tight as f**k and i have a pretty big c**k
>cant get it in
>still can get it in
>give up after at least 30 minutes
>she cries
>awkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard
;_;
fortunately the next time we tried we f**ked like animals.
>bring girlfriend home
>take her to my room and put on some music and start fooling around.
>she's giving me the best head i've ever had.
>dad opens door quietly.
>her eyes are closed and she don't notice.
>dad looks at me and gives me a thumbs up.
>he quietly closes door
>i finish getting blowjorb and then proceed to f**k her.
>tell her to get loud that it's okay.
>she completely lets go and gets loud as hell.
>after some hot, sweaty, and loud pigsex later i take her home
>come back home and dad has a blunt already rolled and a few drinks poured.
>son i am proud.
dad's a total bro.
Can we trade dads?
>> High on cocaine
>> Can't get hard
>> Girl starts crying
>> Leave
DISASTER SLIGHTLY AVERTED...SLIGHTLY
Since when does FML have popular stories about incestuous girls trying to trap men into pregnancy? I could use a link. Just to, uh, satisfy my morbid curiousity, of course.
>http://www.fmylife.com/intimacy/253938
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Can we trade dads?
nope. mine rocks, also that same weekend we went to a gunshow and he bought me my first glock.
>13 or so at the time
>Jerking off, door wide open
>Mom walks in "What are you doing?" in a quizzical voice
>"Nothing" I reply
>Then we had a nice little chat about the new colour of my walls
Another one,
>Throwing socks at mom
>She reaches for something to throw back
>Finds old kleenex all dried up
>I look at it thinking A. "That's my f**king jizz kleenex and B. "She's not actually going to throw that at me is she?"
>She throws kleenex, missing horribly, I start laughing
>She realises what was in kleenex
>Sniffs fingers, walks away silently
>lol more
nope. mine rocks, also that same weekend we went to a gunshow and he bought me my first glock.
oooh you, america
>having sex doggystyle
>world's loudest queef
>Guy: "I'm tired, let's do this later"
>Me: *shame*
oooh you, america
jealous eurof**???
>meeting my internet "gf" for the first time
>I was insanely in love with her
>before I went she said, half jokingly something along the lines of that I better not be one of those guys that f**ks her and then brags about it
>I start thinking that maybe we should save the sex until she visits my place, which she was supposed to do about a month and a half after I'd been to hers
>things were going awesome even though I was nervous for the whole time I was there
>last night I'm supposed to stay there
>after a while of foreplay (not oral sex tho)
>she takes my hand and leads me to her room
>I just need to put it in
>her words (re. non-serious sex) pop up in my head
>I stop all sexual activities and sit straight up in the bed, not saying a thing
>she probably thinks I came or that I was too nervous and couldn't get it fully erect
>we don't have sex that night
>I go home, she gets sick when it was her time to visit
>I start making plans to visit her instead
>she dumps me saying that the distance was the reason
The part where I sat up was the awkward part of the story.
tl;dr:
I had a girlfriend-ish person, I could've had sex with her but didn't because I am a psychotic f**king retard.
>meet girl at coffee shop
>hit it off and she invites me back to her house
>we start drinking and smoking pot
>she starts telling me stuff about her past
>turns out that she used to wh**re herself out when she was a young teenager
>she says she has turned her life around and judging by the stuff she has in her apartment and where her apartment is located she has
>after a while she indicates a desire to have sex
>i'm NOT a fa**ot so i say okay
>while f**king she tells me that she wants me to call her worthless, wh**re, slut, and other stuff
>was kinda apprehensive at first but ended up going along with it.
>start getting into it and slapping her ass and pulling her hair
>she tells me to choke her
>i choke her while i'm f**king her and as i'm about to bust a nut she goes limp.
>pull out and nut on her titties
>start sh*tting brix thinking i killed her
>start slapping her to get her awake
>she wakes up to a slap and smiles at me and says, "you'll do"
>gives me her number
this was on saturday. i don't know how i feel about this. i'm not a violent guy and don't really get into this kind of stuff, but damned if that wasn't the best f**king sex i've EVER HAD.
wat do??
>me and my gf are staying at my moms house for the night, gf is on period
>we try to f**k anyway, but she is really dry and it starts hurting her
>she can't take it, asks me which position will make me cum fastest
>I bend her over and f**k her from behind, she moans from a mix of pain and pleasure and I cum buckets
>coolface.jpg
>meet girl at coffee shop
>hit it off and she invites me back to her house
>we start drinking and smoking pot
>she starts telling me stuff about her past
>turns out that she used to wh**re herself out when she was a young teenager
>she says she has turned her life around and judging by the stuff she has in her apartment and where her apartment is located she has
>after a while she indicates a desire to have sex
>i'm NOT a fa**ot so i say okay
>while f**king she tells me that she wants me to call her worthless, wh**re, slut, and other stuff
>was kinda apprehensive at first but ended up going along with it.
>start getting into it and slapping her ass and pulling her hair
>she tells me to choke her
>i choke her while i'm f**king her and as i'm about to bust a nut she goes limp.
>pull out and nut on her titties
>start sh*tting brix thinking i killed her
>start slapping her to get her awake
>she wakes up to a slap and smiles at me and says, "you'll do"
>gives me her number
this was on saturday. i don't know how i feel about this. i'm not a violent guy and don't really get into this kind of stuff, but damned if that wasn't the best f**king sex i've EVER HAD.
wat do??
F**king roll with it, man. My boyfriend grabbed my throat and started choking me during sex and it was the hottest sh*t ever. You will have the best sex of your goddamn life and that bitch will love you forever for it.
>meet girl at coffee shop
>hit it off and she invites me back to her house
>we start drinking and smoking pot
>she starts telling me stuff about her past
>turns out that she used to wh**re herself out when she was a young teenager
>she says she has turned her life around and judging by the stuff she has in her apartment and where her apartment is located she has
>after a while she indicates a desire to have sex
>i'm NOT a fa**ot so i say okay
>while f**king she tells me that she wants me to call her worthless, wh**re, slut, and other stuff
>was kinda apprehensive at first but ended up going along with it.
>start getting into it and slapping her ass and pulling her hair
>she tells me to choke her
>i choke her while i'm f**king her and as i'm about to bust a nut she goes limp.
>pull out and nut on her titties
>start sh*tting brix thinking i killed her
>start slapping her to get her awake
>she wakes up to a slap and smiles at me and says, "you'll do"
>gives me her number
this was on saturday. i don't know how i feel about this. i'm not a violent guy and don't really get into this kind of stuff, but damned if that wasn't the best f**king sex i've EVER HAD.
wat do??
Call her back, retard
I've got one
>Begin dating girl at Uni after getting out of a 3 year relationship
>Her roommate doesn't care that I sleep over all the time
>GF wants to take relationship slow
>no sex for 3 months
>GF finally caves one night
>spooning in bed with GF
>have quietest sex of my life
>we check to make sure her roommate is still asleep when we're done
>think we got away with it
>next morning roomy asks us not to f**k while she's sleeping
>awkward glances every morning after I stay over now.
I have two stories (one a double fail):
>First time having intercourse.
>Never told how to use condoms, didn't pinch the tip.
>She asks if I will know if it breaks, I say yes.
>Start to get into it, I finger her until she cums and then stick it in.
>She tells me later to stick it in when it already is (fail)
>F**k until I cum
>Condom broke
>She ran into the bathroom crying and scrubbing the sh*t out of her vag.
>She calls her friend, I tell her I should gtfo and leave.
Same girl:
>F**king downstairs, her dad is mowing the lawn
>Mounting her hard from behind
>Dad is done mowing, but she is close so we continue
>Keep f**king
>Dad opens door to basement
>I jump off and sprint to the bathroom naked
>She grabs a blanket to cover up
>He stomps downstairs and yells at me through the door for 5 minutes. I hide in the locked bathroom until he calms down.
>He leaves to upstairs, I get out and put clothes on.
>I go upstairs and tell him that's he's right and we shouldn't be f**king, not old enough (both 16) etc
>I tell him I should gtfo and literally run to my car.
>Cool story bro
Man he was an a**hole already, but after that he wouldn't even look at me. It's just as well though because that bitch was crazy.
F**king roll with it, man. My boyfriend grabbed my throat and started choking me during sex and it was the hottest sh*t ever. You will have the best sex of your goddamn life and that bitch will love you forever for it.
Call her back, retard
okay. calling her now. will report back with results.
>my first time
>Girl is like "don't worry if you cum in like a minute because you're a virgin lol"
>30 mins later sweating badly and still humping away
>girl says "if you're holding back don't"
>OH GOD WHY ISN'T IT HAPPENING
>bring girlfriend home
>take her to my room and put on some music and start fooling around.
>she's giving me the best head i've ever had.
>dad opens door quietly.
>her eyes are closed and she don't notice.
>dad looks at me and gives me a thumbs up.
>he quietly closes door
>i finish getting blowjorb and then proceed to f**k her.
>tell her to get loud that it's okay.
>she completely lets go and gets loud as hell.
>after some hot, sweaty, and loud pigsex later i take her home
>come back home and dad has a blunt already rolled and a few drinks poured.
>son i am proud.
dad's a total bro.
F**k yeah.
Also, requesting archive. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.
F**k yeah.
Also, requesting archive. I haven't laughed this hard in a long time.
Seconded. Requesting.
Thanks for your request.
It has been added to our database and the thread will be archived as soon as enough request for that thread have been made.
This thread has been requested 4 times now.
It's timex
>meet girl at coffee shop
>hit it off and she invites me back to her house
>we start drinking and smoking pot
>she starts telling me stuff about her past
>turns out that she used to wh**re herself out when she was a young teenager
>she says she has turned her life around and judging by the stuff she has in her apartment and where her apartment is located she has
>after a while she indicates a desire to have sex
>i'm NOT a fa**ot so i say okay
>while f**king she tells me that she wants me to call her worthless, wh**re, slut, and other stuff
>was kinda apprehensive at first but ended up going along with it.
>start getting into it and slapping her ass and pulling her hair
>she tells me to choke her
>i choke her while i'm f**king her and as i'm about to bust a nut she goes limp.
>pull out and nut on her titties
>start sh*tting brix thinking i killed her
>start slapping her to get her awake
>she wakes up to a slap and smiles at me and says, "you'll do"
>gives me her number
this was on saturday. i don't know how i feel about this. i'm not a violent guy and don't really get into this kind of stuff, but damned if that wasn't the best f**king sex i've EVER HAD.
wat do??
YOU LUCKY MOTHERF**KER.
What I wouldn't give for some hot sh*t like that. You best be callin' her back, or son i'm dissapoint.
>have wild, rough gay buttsex with my boyfriend in my dorm
>my roommate walks, he is a super-christf** and has no idea that I'm gay
>he freezes and our eyes meet at the exact same moment
>my boyfriend has no idea, continues to pound away like a rutting dog
>my roommate slowly backs out with a dumbfounded look on his face
>incredibly awkward few weeks where we barely talk
>I am woken up in the middle of the night by my very drunk roommate crawling onto my bunk, apparently wanting to suck my c**k or something
>I tell him I've got a boyfriend and kick him out
>Awkwardly listen to him sob naked on the floor for a while before he passes out
>He is nowhere to be found the next morning, I don't see him for another week until he comes to move his stuff out cause he's dropping out of college
I have no idea what the f**k. Seriously. I mean, the guy was having problems in the first place, but apparently the sight of me getting f**ked is some sort of Cthulhu-esque horror enough to breaks the mind of straight men.
>have wild, rough gay buttsex with my boyfriend in my dorm
>my roommate walks, he is a super-christf** and has no idea that I'm gay
>he freezes and our eyes meet at the exact same moment
>my boyfriend has no idea, continues to pound away like a rutting dog
>my roommate slowly backs out with a dumbfounded look on his face
>incredibly awkward few weeks where we barely talk
>I am woken up in the middle of the night by my very drunk roommate crawling onto my bunk, apparently wanting to suck my c**k or something
>I tell him I've got a boyfriend and kick him out
>Awkwardly listen to him sob naked on the floor for a while before he passes out
>He is nowhere to be found the next morning, I don't see him for another week until he comes to move his stuff out cause he's dropping out of college
I have no idea what the f**k. Seriously. I mean, the guy was having problems in the first place, but apparently the sight of me getting f**ked is some sort of Cthulhu-esque horror enough to breaks the mind of straight men.
The overly-religious homophobic ones always end up being gay.
here
okay. calling her now. will report back with results.
just got off the phone with that chick. she wants to meet up in a few hours for round 2. F**K YEAH. still apprehensive about her tho, i don't wanna accidentally kill her.....
>have wild, rough gay buttsex with my boyfriend in my dorm
>my roommate walks, he is a super-christf** and has no idea that I'm gay
>he freezes and our eyes meet at the exact same moment
>my boyfriend has no idea, continues to pound away like a rutting dog
>my roommate slowly backs out with a dumbfounded look on his face
>incredibly awkward few weeks where we barely talk
>I am woken up in the middle of the night by my very drunk roommate crawling onto my bunk, apparently wanting to suck my c**k or something
>I tell him I've got a boyfriend and kick him out
>Awkwardly listen to him sob naked on the floor for a while before he passes out
>He is nowhere to be found the next morning, I don't see him for another week until he comes to move his stuff out cause he's dropping out of college
I have no idea what the f**k. Seriously. I mean, the guy was having problems in the first place, but apparently the sight of me getting f**ked is some sort of Cthulhu-esque horror enough to breaks the mind of straight men.
>breaks the mind of straight men.
>straight men.
>straight.
Here's where you are wrong. Christf** was actually a f**. It's more than just a name!
here
just got off the phone with that chick. she wants to meet up in a few hours for round 2. F**K YEAH. still apprehensive about her tho, i don't wanna accidentally kill her.....
Son I'm NOT disssapoint.
You tap that sh*t yo. Just remember when her eyelids start to flutter and her eyes roll up in her head, you should let go.
here
just got off the phone with that chick. she wants to meet up in a few hours for round 2. F**K YEAH. still apprehensive about her tho, i don't wanna accidentally kill her.....
F**k you. If you don't walk out of there parading her around with a choke chain and buckets of cum on her face I'll personally find you and kick your ass for wasting such a great opportunity.
Son I'm NOT disssapoint.
You tap that sh*t yo. Just remember when her eyelids start to flutter and her eyes roll up in her head, you should let go.
duly noted. also what if she asks for more abuse that i'm not comfortable with dishing out???
>breaks the mind of straight men.
>straight men.
>straight.
Here's where you are wrong. Christf** was actually a f**. It's more than just a name!
H.P. Lovecraft was a straight man who walked in on his boarding school roomate having gay sex.
This inspired his literature.
so what I'm saying is you're wrong and we owe gay people a huge debt for inspiring some of the best horror writers throughout history.
duly noted. also what if she asks for more abuse that i'm not comfortable with dishing out???
You'll do fine, just use loose judgment.
here
just got off the phone with that chick. she wants to meet up in a few hours for round 2. F**K YEAH. still apprehensive about her tho, i don't wanna accidentally kill her.....
Oh sh*t son
it is ON
>MAKE OUT WITH GIRL
>GIRL ASKS IF I HAVE BONER
>I SAY YES
>SHE TELLS ME TO STOP HAVING A BONER BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET PREGGO
>TELL HER SHE CANT GET PREGNANT UNLESS WE F**K
>SHE TELLS ME SHE DOESN'T WANNA GET ANY ON THE SHEETS
>TELL HER NOTHING CAN GET ON SHEETS UNLESS BONER COMES OUT OF PANTS
>LEAVE
>HAS GIRL COME OUT OF CLOSET YEAR LATER
>FIND OUT SHE HAS BEEN WITH 12 CHICKS SINCE.
>POST IN CAPS NOT GIVE SH*T
duly noted. also what if she asks for more abuse that i'm not comfortable with dishing out???
Then you GET your bad self comfortable, brosef.
>Have sex with girlfriend in my bedroom.
>Obviously I live in with my parents.
>My mom blatantly walks in during the act.
>She immediately walks out.
>Girlfriend is emberassed to death.
>I can't stop laughing.
Dated a girl for nearly a year, never had sex. Never even spoke about it. Somewhat awkward a lot of times.
We split up just before the year was out. Despite awkwardness, would not say a bad word against her, she was lovely.
Dated a girl for nearly a year, never had sex. Never even spoke about it. Somewhat awkward a lot of times.
We split up just before the year was out. Despite awkwardness, would not say a bad word against her, she was lovely.
>have girlfriend that you see for a lengthy period of time and never even discuss sex with...
got news for you bro. you were in the friendzone. she thought it was cute to let you call her your girlfriend. just sayin.
Thread of the month.
>have girlfriend that you see for a lengthy period of time and never even discuss sex with...
got news for you bro. you were in the friendzone. she thought it was cute to let you call her your girlfriend. just sayin.
Nah, she was just as awkward with the whole thing as I was. First relationship for both of us, 19 and 21.
>meet random girl at the club who also happens to be on ecstasy
>we hit it off and i invite her to after party at my crib after the club closes
>she agrees and comes over to my house along with a few other car loads of other people and my roommates
>she grabs me by my hand and we go to my room
>start making out and i start groping her
>eventually we start f**king
>i bend her over my bed and start f**king her doggystyle
>she tells me not to be afraid to put it in her ass
>f**k her in the ass and cum in her butt.
feels great man.
>me gf and a friend go walk a random trail
>tell friend to go away so we can mess around
>gf and i start gettign sexual
>gfs hand in pants
>friend comes back c**kblocks me to f**k
>an hero
you twat, friend already felt bad about being third wheel then you casualy 'get sexual' f**k you, show some respect
DON'T YOU F**KERS LOCK YOUR DOORS?
>wake up late at night and go for a glass of water
>walk into the living room to discover my older brother and sister naked on the couch f**king each other's brains out
>brother sees me, gives me a sh*t-eating grin and doesn't so much as pause in his pipe-laying
>I turn around and stumble back to bed
>the WTF doesn't truly strike me until I'm fully awake the next day
>spend the next several years torn between a mixture of awkward disgust and wondering if I just dreamt the whole thing
>brother and sister move in together
>I'm pretty sure they're still f**king, but I've never been able to work up the courage to ask
Before you shout "WINCEST", trust me. It's a lot f**king weirder when it's your own siblings.
you twat, friend already felt bad about being third wheel then you casualy 'get sexual' f**k you, show some respect
virgin detected.
just because you aren't getting any dosen't mean that everyone else shouldn't. dude's friend should have been a bro and made himself scarce for a bit.
DON'T YOU F**KERS LOCK YOUR DOORS?
Trust me, that can be awkward too.
>having sex with my boyfriend in his bedroom
>the lock rattles as his mom tries to come in
>"You better be wrapping up in there!"
>5 minutes later, not sure if the coast is clear
>incredibly loud THWUMP as his dad bangs on the door
>"Don't knock her up, son!" *laughter*
>my boyfriend still wants to keep going, talks me into it
>just to spite them, we don't use a condom
Have I ever told you how much I love you anonymous?
loevx<3
I got one
>wake up with fat girl in my bed
>realise I wasn't sleeping its just that I was having a sober moment.
>think hard decide I havent f**ked her yet.
>everythingbetterthanexpected.jpg
>she starts talking, I engage her in conversation
>talk about anything I can think of while keeping minimal bodycontact.
>realise I should either f**k her or chuck her out
>decide to f**k, she suddenly seems coy.
>eventually come up with 'get your kit off'
>FLOPPY C**K
>I fap it, she faps it, I fap it, put on condom... lose erection
>lick out for seeminly long time
>she fakes orgasm
>I apologise and lie down pretending to be asleep
>I try to be kind in morning, I come off needy
>she stays a while out of pity
Felt shame for weeks... now my best anecdote
>wake up late at night and go for a glass of water
>walk into the living room to discover my older brother and sister naked on the couch f**king each other's brains out
>brother sees me, gives me a sh*t-eating grin and doesn't so much as pause in his pipe-laying
>I turn around and stumble back to bed
>the WTF doesn't truly strike me until I'm fully awake the next day
>spend the next several years torn between a mixture of awkward disgust and wondering if I just dreamt the whole thing
>brother and sister move in together
>I'm pretty sure they're still f**king, but I've never been able to work up the courage to ask
Before you shout "WINCEST", trust me. It's a lot f**king weirder when it's your own siblings.
Oh god I could never look at them again in the same way. Are they at least close to the same age?
>i'm in highschool
>on friday dad decides to throw a party and has some of his friends over
>a few of them bring their kids
>one of them is a girl that's my age
>we spend the whole time in my room
>we are listening to music and playing playstation
>she looks over at me and i look at her and she suddenly kisses me.
>before i know it we're making out
>my hand is up her shirt and she's grabbing my dick
>hours of making out and heavy petting later my dad walks in and catches her pulling my dick out of my pants
>dad says hurry up it's almost time to go
>he leaves
>she jerks me off and i bust a gigantic nut
>i hand her the kleenex
>she cleans up and we continue kissing for a bit.
>she leaves
>dad comes in and asks how did i enjoy meeting his friends from work?? and then trollface.jpg.
also my uncle was the type of guy to give me beer underaged and buy me porno mags. we started growing our first pot plant when i turned 15. tho he didn't let me smoke till i was 16.
Oh god I could never look at them again in the same way. Are they at least close to the same age?
>Oh god I could never look at them again in the same way
Basically, yeah. And it doesn't help that my brother makes jokes about bizarre sexual acts all the time, which constantly makes me remember it.
>Are they at least close to the same age?
They're a year apart. Sister is two years older than me, brother is a year older than that.
>Oh god I could never look at them again in the same way
Basically, yeah. And it doesn't help that my brother makes jokes about bizarre sexual acts all the time, which constantly makes me remember it.
>Are they at least close to the same age?
They're a year apart. Sister is two years older than me, brother is a year older than that.
ask if you could join in and you both hit it for MASSIVE DAMAGE. it's the only logical choice.
This isn't sexual but...
>Spend evening with gf
>time to go home
>use bathroom (tiny en suite bathroom in university halls of residence)
>catch penis on jeans
>piss everywhere
>desperately try to mop and clean up as best I can in the space of 30 seconds
It stank of piss, she must have known but she never mentioned it...
ask if you could join in and you both hit it for MASSIVE DAMAGE. it's the only logical choice.
and what're they gonna do, say no??? you can blackmail them. and your brother has a history of making cracks about sh*t like that so people will believe you.
>get completely wasted with my girlfriend and my best friend
>start molesting my girlfriend, invite my friend to join in since I have a fetish for threesomes
>have to talk my girlfriend into it, but eventually she is going crazy sucking my dick while he eats her out
>my friend pulls his dick out
>it's like twice as big as mine, my girlfriend goes crazy over it
>sudden loss of sexual confidence
>I try to f**k my gf, but whiskydick strikes and I can't keep it hard
>get a distracted blowjob from girlfriend while she enjoys my friend f**king the living daylights out of her
>he makes her cum twice before cumming in her
>I can't say sh*t cause I'm the one who started it, and I feel like absolute sh*t for the rest of the night
>for the next week, my girlfriend bugs me about having another threesome until I end up snapping at her
>it takes three months for our relationship to recover back it where it was
>I no longer have a fetish for threesomes
Sh*t feels bad, man. I don't understand the cuckold fetish at all. That sh*t is humiliating.
>get completely wasted with my girlfriend and my best friend
>start molesting my girlfriend, invite my friend to join in since I have a fetish for threesomes
>have to talk my girlfriend into it, but eventually she is going crazy sucking my dick while he eats her out
>my friend pulls his dick out
>it's like twice as big as mine, my girlfriend goes crazy over it
>sudden loss of sexual confidence
>I try to f**k my gf, but whiskydick strikes and I can't keep it hard
>get a distracted blowjob from girlfriend while she enjoys my friend f**king the living daylights out of her
>he makes her cum twice before cumming in her
>I can't say sh*t cause I'm the one who started it, and I feel like absolute sh*t for the rest of the night
>for the next week, my girlfriend bugs me about having another threesome until I end up snapping at her
>it takes three months for our relationship to recover back it where it was
>I no longer have a fetish for threesomes
Sh*t feels bad, man. I don't understand the cuckold fetish at all. That sh*t is humiliating.
some sh*t like this ALWAYS happens to one of the people involved. not a good idea...
>In my 20s, virgin guy
>Get wound up on loneliness and sexual frustration at the end of last year
>Decide to hit every bar in town (never been to one before) for New Years
>Most are closed, one is full of old people--tart drinking anyway
>Go to last bar, full of young people
>Sit down and be cool--I'm also rocking an awesome hat
>Start joking with friendly drunk chick with a huge rack
>We're getting along great, and she bends over the table, grabs her tits, and says "I want to get laid."
>Brain: "Wat"
>Dick picks up the slack and I sit down next to her
>More talking, then holding, then the ball drops on TV
>Chick grabs me and my first kiss is a five-minute slobbering
>Something clicks--I can tell she just realized I'm from anonymous
>She stands up, and says "let's go"
>I'm thinking this is going to be fun
>We walk to door, go outside
>She says "Happy New Year" and closes the door behind me
>Walk home three miles in the snow, alternating between laughing like a psycho and crying like a baby
>I regret nothing
> Having sex with my parents in the next room
> GF can't F**KING STAY QUIET YOU BITCH!
> know mother heard
> Next morning get 'the look'
> Mother too embarrassed to say anything.
> I WIN
>HAVING SEX WITH MY PARENTS
WAT
>get completely wasted with my girlfriend and my best friend
>start molesting my girlfriend, invite my friend to join in since I have a fetish for threesomes
>have to talk my girlfriend into it, but eventually she is going crazy sucking my dick while he eats her out
>my friend pulls his dick out
>it's like twice as big as mine, my girlfriend goes crazy over it
>sudden loss of sexual confidence
>I try to f**k my gf, but whiskydick strikes and I can't keep it hard
>get a distracted blowjob from girlfriend while she enjoys my friend f**king the living daylights out of her
>he makes her cum twice before cumming in her
>I can't say sh*t cause I'm the one who started it, and I feel like absolute sh*t for the rest of the night
>for the next week, my girlfriend bugs me about having another threesome until I end up snapping at her
>it takes three months for our relationship to recover back it where it was
>I no longer have a fetish for threesomes
Sh*t feels bad, man. I don't understand the cuckold fetish at all. That sh*t is humiliating.
Seriously, if she liked it that much, she's probably thinking about it everytime you f**k her (as you can't fill her up anymore) or else she's f**king him.
>get completely wasted with my girlfriend and my best friend
>start molesting my girlfriend, invite my friend to join in since I have a fetish for threesomes
>have to talk my girlfriend into it, but eventually she is going crazy sucking my dick while he eats her out
>my friend pulls his dick out
>it's like twice as big as mine, my girlfriend goes crazy over it
>sudden loss of sexual confidence
>I try to f**k my gf, but whiskydick strikes and I can't keep it hard
>get a distracted blowjob from girlfriend while she enjoys my friend f**king the living daylights out of her
>he makes her cum twice before cumming in her
>I can't say sh*t cause I'm the one who started it, and I feel like absolute sh*t for the rest of the night
>for the next week, my girlfriend bugs me about having another threesome until I end up snapping at her
>it takes three months for our relationship to recover back it where it was
>I no longer have a fetish for threesomes
Sh*t feels bad, man. I don't understand the cuckold fetish at all. That sh*t is humiliating.
That's your fault for inviting a guy with a bigger dick than you to f**k your girlfriend.
lol at the liars in this thread.
For the people who do no lube up the ass with their "massive c**ks", it is impossible to do it without ripping the skin in her a**hole.
this goes into my bad sex moment. It was a friday night, her roommates were gone to some party and me and her haven't had sex in awhile. i was getting extra horny for some reason. anyways i was just stroking her skin, then suddenly i just threw her down on the floor, since she did not want to have sex on the bed since it will creak too much and the floor below us and her suitemates would hear it. so i put her on the floor, found some lotion put a bit on my fingers, so i can lube up the ass and my dick. i decided to put my dick in her ass. five minutes into it, she says stop, but i continue on and then my dick falls out her ass, then when i was about to put it back in, i touched it and i felt a liquid. i turn on the lights to see blood all over it. i was like f**k my life. she was so sad and ran to the bathroom to shower. i walked myself out the door and went to my dormroom to shower, and then proceed to jerk off in the shower. i do not have the biggest dick in the world, but that sh*t was crazy, i never had blood on my dick and it still gets me a bit spooked whenever we have anal sex
lol at the liars in this thread.
For the people who do no lube up the ass with their "massive c**ks", it is impossible to do it without ripping the skin in her a**hole.
this goes into my bad sex moment. It was a friday night, her roommates were gone to some party and me and her haven't had sex in awhile. i was getting extra horny for some reason. anyways i was just stroking her skin, then suddenly i just threw her down on the floor, since she did not want to have sex on the bed since it will creak too much and the floor below us and her suitemates would hear it. so i put her on the floor, found some lotion put a bit on my fingers, so i can lube up the ass and my dick. i decided to put my dick in her ass. five minutes into it, she says stop, but i continue on and then my dick falls out her ass, then when i was about to put it back in, i touched it and i felt a liquid. i turn on the lights to see blood all over it. i was like f**k my life. she was so sad and ran to the bathroom to shower. i walked myself out the door and went to my dormroom to shower, and then proceed to jerk off in the shower. i do not have the biggest dick in the world, but that sh*t was crazy, i never had blood on my dick and it still gets me a bit spooked whenever we have anal sex
>not greentext
>get the f**k out
>age before comfortable with anything sex related
>parents help tidy and rearrange furniture in room
>"Oh, what's inside of....this...."
> Try to explain condoms came through post from some health organisation, and I didn't ask for them
>parents like "it's fine, you should have these. Just keep them away from sharp things unless you want your first born son to be johnny bastard"
>remove condoms from hidden compartment of box of scissors, clippers etc
>Meet dude on okcupid.
>Go on a few dates after talking online extensively.
>Decide we like each other quite a bit.
>After a few weeks and a night of heavy petting and teasing, we finally get to sex.
>I didn't expect anything incredible since he had a really thin frame but...
>His girth was f**king incredible.
>I mean, "his girth is like Gary Oak; can't ignore it" joke aside.
>Jesus christ.
>Jesus.
>F**king.
>Christ.
>Jackpot.
>I get on top.
>He is rock hard.
>I am dripping wet and ready for entry.
>At last, sweet penetration.
>Realize it hurts because haven't been f**ked by anyone that huge before.
>Tell him it hurts in the sexiest way possible.
>Somehow, that kills his boner.
>I apologize and tell him to keep going, but he can't.
>Beautiful, girthy boner is GONE.
>We both get super awkward and he goes to jerk off in the shower while I play a videogame on his computer.
>Two days later, we try again and I take that dick like a champ.
>I came and screamed like a Banshee on fire.
>Best dick I've ever had.
>THE END
>Meet dude on okcupid.
>Go on a few dates after talking online extensively.
>Decide we like each other quite a bit.
>After a few weeks and a night of heavy petting and teasing, we finally get to sex.
>I didn't expect anything incredible since he had a really thin frame but...
>His girth was f**king incredible.
>I mean, "his girth is like Gary Oak; can't ignore it" joke aside.
>Jesus christ.
>Jesus.
>F**king.
>Christ.
>Jackpot.
>I get on top.
>He is rock hard.
>I am dripping wet and ready for entry.
>At last, sweet penetration.
>Realize it hurts because haven't been f**ked by anyone that huge before.
>Tell him it hurts in the sexiest way possible.
>Somehow, that kills his boner.
>I apologize and tell him to keep going, but he can't.
>Beautiful, girthy boner is GONE.
>We both get super awkward and he goes to jerk off in the shower while I play a videogame on his computer.
>Two days later, we try again and I take that dick like a champ.
>I came and screamed like a Banshee on fire.
>Best dick I've ever had.
>THE END
Then you realized you could have just bought a dildo that size a long time ago and f**ked yourself without having to worry about whether it will stay hard or not.
needs more hot stories to read while im doing work
bump
needs more hot stories to read while im doing work
bump
okay here...
i used to hold insane parties at my house when i was in high school where everyone would get kind of out of hand. for example, this is my first post:
-UMM AWKWARD ENOUGH FOR YA Anonymous?!
>host New Year's party
>walk into guest bedroom to find 3 of your best friends sitting at the edge of the bed getting eaten out by your 4th best friend
>they pull you onto bed to join
>you look up to see a creepy unknown hippie sitting in the corner video taping your friends
Ummm. 100% true story guize.
and another story:
>have a party with a large taco to sausage ratio
>people start talking about body shots and i bring up that "chocolate body shots" are the best
>i bring down chocolate syrup and before I know it, my basement is full of half naked teenagers
>people put chocolate syrup on each other and we all lick it off like a massive chocolate orgy
>i still know every single one of those people and we all have yet to speak a word of it since that night
>i have still have horrible horrible pictures
>i would never post them on web evar.
>introduced to fa**otry as a teenager by my neighbor, an incredibly hot guy about twice my age
>enjoy regular DILF sex for about three years
>his wife finally catches him f**king me, immediately starts throwing a shrieking hysterical fit
>wife throws my clothes out the window, so I am trapped listening to them have a screaming argument for almost an hour while awkwardly curled up naked on their bed
>some of the nastiest most emotional sh*t I've ever heard in my life gets tossed between them
>he manages to convince her not to tell my parents so that he doesn't get pedovanned
>she tells me to GTFO and that she'll call the cops if I ever come to their house again
>I have to come up with some a lame excuse for my parents explaining how I just lost my job as a poolboy/babysitter/yardmower for the neighbors
>my sex life goes down drastically since the DILF's wife watches him like a hawk to prevent us from hooking up easily
>wife spreads nasty rumors about me around town, outing me as a fa**ot and claiming that I'm a pedo who was after her kids
Hooray for small town drama. I actually saw the wife a few weeks ago at the mall. She gave me a glare that could melt through walls. I resisted the urge to tell her that her husband has a tight ass.
It's been a little over 11 1/2 hours since this thread was started... Insane
>introduced to fa**otry as a teenager by my neighbor, an incredibly hot guy about twice my age
>enjoy regular DILF sex for about three years
>his wife finally catches him f**king me, immediately starts throwing a shrieking hysterical fit
>wife throws my clothes out the window, so I am trapped listening to them have a screaming argument for almost an hour while awkwardly curled up naked on their bed
>some of the nastiest most emotional sh*t I've ever heard in my life gets tossed between them
>he manages to convince her not to tell my parents so that he doesn't get pedovanned
>she tells me to GTFO and that she'll call the cops if I ever come to their house again
>I have to come up with some a lame excuse for my parents explaining how I just lost my job as a poolboy/babysitter/yardmower for the neighbors
>my sex life goes down drastically since the DILF's wife watches him like a hawk to prevent us from hooking up easily
>wife spreads nasty rumors about me around town, outing me as a fa**ot and claiming that I'm a pedo who was after her kids
Hooray for small town drama. I actually saw the wife a few weeks ago at the mall. She gave me a glare that could melt through walls. I resisted the urge to tell her that her husband has a tight ass.
should have asked her to join in. She might have been down
It's been a little over 11 1/2 hours since this thread was started... Insane
this thread NEEDS to be archived
>introduced to fa**otry as a teenager by my neighbor, an incredibly hot guy about twice my age
>enjoy regular DILF sex for about three years
>his wife finally catches him f**king me, immediately starts throwing a shrieking hysterical fit
>wife throws my clothes out the window, so I am trapped listening to them have a screaming argument for almost an hour while awkwardly curled up naked on their bed
>some of the nastiest most emotional sh*t I've ever heard in my life gets tossed between them
>he manages to convince her not to tell my parents so that he doesn't get pedovanned
>she tells me to GTFO and that she'll call the cops if I ever come to their house again
>I have to come up with some a lame excuse for my parents explaining how I just lost my job as a poolboy/babysitter/yardmower for the neighbors
>my sex life goes down drastically since the DILF's wife watches him like a hawk to prevent us from hooking up easily
>wife spreads nasty rumors about me around town, outing me as a fa**ot and claiming that I'm a pedo who was after her kids
Hooray for small town drama. I actually saw the wife a few weeks ago at the mall. She gave me a glare that could melt through walls. I resisted the urge to tell her that her husband has a tight ass.
>the urge to tell her that her husband has a tight ass.
OH GOD DO EEET!
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