Tuesday, October 12, 2010

I need to pass a drug test

I have never been so scared in my life. Help me, anonymous.
Did coke Friday night and Saturday afternoon. Drug test monday morning. I need to either find a way out of work, flush my system, or cheat this test. Help me, anons.




Dilute your system.
Water water water more water.

Well someone is a bit of a silly pants aren't they?

If it's a random test, yo f**ked.
If you knew about the test, yo a f**king retard.
Enjoy being caught

Get a clean friend to piss in a condom.
Or try some of those drinks, I dont think coke has a long half life anyways

You can't take the drug test because you're violently ill that day. Hit up the E.R. Have the dox from the ER to prove your point.

Get hit by a car.

Dilute your system.
Water water water more water.

this
Drink water like there's no tomorrow
I mean LOTS of water

Was it random or scheduled?

Get a friend to piss in your mouth and hold it in your cheek reservoirs until it's time for the drug test. Then just release the piss contents from your mouth into the piss jar. Seems simple enough.

Idiot, fool, the consequences you are awaiting you deserve. Let them find out and turn you down. Instead of trying to panic your way through this, perhaps you should be asking yourself why you did Coke in the first place.

Get Nicotinic Acid, it flushes all water soluble drugs from your system.

Do you do coke a lot? If you only did it this once, and hadn't done it in a while or this was your first time, it should be out of your system by then, no problem.
Drink a lot of water, add lemon juice if possible, also drink lots of coffee.
PISS YOUR BRAINS OUT.
You should be fine.

Get a friend to piss in your mouth and hold it in your cheek reservoirs until it's time for the drug test. Then just release the piss contents from your mouth into the piss jar. Seems simple enough.

I lol'd heartily.
also:
>implying OP has friends

If you are taking the common SAMHSA-5 Urine test, Cocaine will stay in your urine for 4-5 days. the best you can do is dilute your piss (some people check to see if your piss is clear - this means you've been drinking too much water and they will force you to take it again later) or buy piss from a person who has been sober. You have to make sure it stays warm though, they check temperature. Put it in a condom, tape it to the inside of your thigh near your testicles, and hope it's enough to keep it warm. Then dump it in the cup (poke a whole and make a stream if someone is listening, it will sound more or less like you are urinating).
Good luck.

Idiot, fool, the consequences you are awaiting you deserve. Let them find out and turn you down. Instead of trying to panic your way through this, perhaps you should be asking yourself why you did Coke in the first place.

Because its awesome???

YOU DID DRUGS YOU DESERVE TO DIE REAP THE CONSQUENCES YOU LOW LIFE

If you are taking the common SAMHSA-5 Urine test, Cocaine will stay in your urine for 4-5 days. the best you can do is dilute your piss (some people check to see if your piss is clear - this means you've been drinking too much water and they will force you to take it again later) or buy piss from a person who has been sober. You have to make sure it stays warm though, they check temperature. Put it in a condom, tape it to the inside of your thigh near your testicles, and hope it's enough to keep it warm. Then dump it in the cup (poke a whole and make a stream if someone is listening, it will sound more or less like you are urinating).
Good luck.

You forgot to mention
>pray to god it doesn't burst while attached near your genitals.

If you are taking the common SAMHSA-5 Urine test, Cocaine will stay in your urine for 4-5 days. the best you can do is dilute your piss (some people check to see if your piss is clear - this means you've been drinking too much water and they will force you to take it again later) or buy piss from a person who has been sober. You have to make sure it stays warm though, they check temperature. Put it in a condom, tape it to the inside of your thigh near your testicles, and hope it's enough to keep it warm. Then dump it in the cup (poke a whole and make a stream if someone is listening, it will sound more or less like you are urinating).
Good luck.

im pretty sure they make these patches or containers or something that keeps the piss heated to body temperature.

Get a friend to piss in your mouth and hold it in your cheek reservoirs until it's time for the drug test. Then just release the piss contents from your mouth into the piss jar. Seems simple enough.

OP here. Thanks for the laugh.
If it's a random test, yo f**ked.
If you knew about the test, yo a f**king retard.
Enjoy being caught

It is random.
You can't take the drug test because you're violently ill that day. Hit up the E.R. Have the dox from the ER to prove your point.

Ways to get violently ill?
Do you do coke a lot? If you only did it this once, and hadn't done it in a while or this was your first time, it should be out of your system by then, no problem.
Drink a lot of water, add lemon juice if possible, also drink lots of coffee.
PISS YOUR BRAINS OUT.
You should be fine.

Did 1 gram this weekend and 1 gram last weekend. Before that I had not done it for a while. Why coffee? Doesn't that dehydrate you?
Get Nicotinic Acid, it flushes all water soluble drugs from your system.

Is this sold in stores?

To be fair though, the company does these tests to exactly catch people like OP. I'm not being a dick here, but if you were doing coke right before taking a drug test you kinda deserve to get caught. That's like firing a gun three feet from a police station, don't think you can worm your way out of it.


im pretty sure they make these patches or containers or something that keeps the piss heated to body temperature.

Didn't know that, but that's a fantastic idea.


OP here. Thanks for the laugh.

It is random.

Ways to get violently ill?

Did 1 gram this weekend and 1 gram last weekend. Before that I had not done it for a while. Why coffee? Doesn't that dehydrate you?

Is this sold in stores?

Caffeine is a Diuretic (it raises the amount you urinate), which can flush your urine quicker.


OP here. Thanks for the laugh.

It is random.

Ways to get violently ill?

Did 1 gram this weekend and 1 gram last weekend. Before that I had not done it for a while. Why coffee? Doesn't that dehydrate you?

Is this sold in stores?

Before you think of trying the acid,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niacin#Toxicity

YOU DID DRUGS YOU DESERVE TO DIE REAP THE CONSQUENCES YOU LOW LIFE
Hey there, I'm
Idiot, fool, the consequences you are awaiting you deserve. Let them find out and turn you down. Instead of trying to panic your way through this, perhaps you should be asking yourself why you did Coke in the first place.
reporting in to say, basically, yes.

Any ways to get violently ill to postpone the test?

you could do that hyper detox diet where you consume only water, cayenne pepper and honey.

Any ways to get violently ill to postpone the test?

Drinking bleach usually makes one violently ill.

drink alot of someone's piss

Just chuck a sickie, bro.

Any ways to get violently ill to postpone the test?

Yes. EAT EVERYTHING IN YOUR FRIDGE.
then take laxatives the night before the test.

dude I was in your EXACT same position only with weed
do exactly as I say and you'll be fine
3 liters of water 20 hours before your test
try peeing 3-4 times and make your last time a half hour before the test
also
dont do drugs

Any ways to get violently ill to postpone the test?

Dude you don't HAVE to get violently ill. Just pretend you are violently ill. Go to the ER that day and complain that you're very dizzy and fatigued. Don't let them pump any unneeded drugs through your IV though, and avoid CT scans if they want to run one (mega dose of radiation bro, not worth it). After they run an EKG and find out your heart is ok you might have to wait HOURS before seeing a doctor unless it's not very busy.

dude I was in your EXACT same position only with weed
do exactly as I say and you'll be fine
3 liters of water 20 hours before your test
try peeing 3-4 times and make your last time a half hour before the test
also
dont do drugs

dude I was in your EXACT same position only with weed
do exactly as I say and you'll be fine
3 liters of water 20 hours before your test
try peeing 3-4 times and make your last time a half hour before the test
also
dont do drugs

oh and b12 vitamins LOTS of them
for piss color

remember, drinking too much water too fast can kill you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

remember, drinking too much water too fast can kill you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

and if you drink salty water?

So:
- drink tons of water
- take b12 starting 24 hours before you go to do it
- drink tons of water
- eat a lot of fibery stuff
- take strong laxatives
- drink tons of water
- do some exercising (cardio)

remember, drinking too much water too fast can kill you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Water_intoxication

So, to keep electrolytes (salts) drink Gatorade and/or salty water.

Thanks for the help, anons. Hitting up the pharmacy tomorrow for all that vitamin fibre laxative goodness.

So:
- drink tons of water
- take b12 starting 24 hours before you go to do it
- drink tons of water
- eat a lot of fibery stuff
- take strong laxatives
- drink tons of water
- do some exercising (cardio)

this'll work


So, to keep electrolytes (salts) drink Gatorade and/or salty water.

Better yet, Pedialyte

I got my roommate a job by pissing in a glass-flask type thing. He used hand-warmers and slipped it into his backpocket.
When tested he just poured it into the cup, poured the extra into the toilet...etc.
Then they checked the temperature.
97.1.
Pass.


Better yet, Pedialyte

Well electrolytes are electrolytes, I don't think it'll make much of a difference.

I got my roommate a job by pissing in a glass-flask type thing. He used hand-warmers and slipped it into his backpocket.
When tested he just poured it into the cup, poured the extra into the toilet...etc.
Then they checked the temperature.
97.1.
Pass.

Hand warmers? How did he use the handwarmers to heat up the flask, did he just fill a pocket with hand warmers?


Hand warmers? How did he use the handwarmers to heat up the flask, did he just fill a pocket with hand warmers?

These things. Packets you knead or something then they get and stay hot for a few hours. Just wrap the tube in a couple and you're set.


Hand warmers? How did he use the handwarmers to heat up the flask, did he just fill a pocket with hand warmers?

Yeah...basically sandwiched a handwarmer against the flask in his backpocket.. I think he wrapped something around the handwarmer between it and the flask so it wouldn't get TOO hot.

So:
- drink tons of water
- take b12 starting 24 hours before you go to do it
- drink tons of water
- eat a lot of fibery stuff
- take strong laxatives
- drink tons of water
- do some exercising (cardio)

check those trips
That list sounds alright. You may want to take the vitamins a little later than 24 hours before, maybe 12 instead. You wouldn't want them to get flushed out of your bloodstream too quickly.
Also be sure to drink a good bit of gatorade/pedialyte/electrolyte solution along with the water. It does the same thing and you won't die from drinking too much of it.

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